He may not agree with your healthy lifestyle adaptions but I don't understand why he's trying to control that. Why is this any of his business? Tell him he's neither your doctor, nor your father, nor your drill sargent and if he has a problem with your food choices he can go make love to a big mac. Seriously, what kind of arrangement do you guys have that he could think he could exert any kind of authority over that? And quit the double meal making. Make one meal and if he wants he can eat and if he doesn't want he can starve or go elsewhere to eat. Making separate meals for each of you only reinforces his attitude.
Well, gals, I think his main problem is that he thinks I am starving myself.
We got into an accident on the 25th of May in his semi-truck, I was thrown from the bed in the back of the 18 wheeler and I completely severed my ACL, MCL and my medical meniscus was severed and ejected from my knee joint, these injuries make it literally impossible to do anything physical except maybe doing the dishes.
So, in light of not being able to exercise I consulted a nurse practitioner friend of mine who suggested that with my lack of movement in order for me to lose weight I should eat between 1000-1200 cals a day. In my husband's eyes, this is far too little.
We did go to the movies, and I did get my diet soda and nothing else, apparently he just wanted to complain about something at the time, because although he asked if I wanted something other than my soda, it wasn't a big deal that I said no.
I doubt that him constantly complaining or getting angry if I mention calories will stop, but I won this small battle.
I would sit him down and talk to him about why it is important to you to lose the weight. Tell him you understand his concerns about your cals being too low but you have discussed it with a medical professional and that is the level they suggested.
Personally I would recommend staying on the 1200 side of that and not going lower unless you are going to a dr to monitor your various levels (not sure WHAT they monitor but I know going too low without a very balanced diet and supplements can lead to badness health wise) also make sure that 1200 cals are coming mostly from whole foods and not junk. Sounds like you are but keep it up!
Is he overweight as well? I had an ex-boyfriend like that once and a couple years later we had a cup of coffee and we talked about our break-up and he said that me losing weight made him feel criticized for not losing weight too. Like every time I complained about my fat I was complaining about his too.
I typically stay within the 1100 cal range, I eat all organic, nonGMO fruits and veggies, chicken, egg whites etc and very little junk.. Actually none at all (I do love those little 90 calorie cookie packs, but only have them once a week), but I'm also taking LOTS of supplements.
I've explained to him why I want to lose the weight, to be healthier, and because next year once my surgeries for my knees are all payed off (what the insurance doesn't cover) and we are back up financially we are going to be seeing a reproductive endocrinologist, to hopefully get our family started. I'd hate for them to tell me everything is related to my weight, which a few of my friends have been told by their REs.
He has a few extra pounds, but really is not heavy or out of shape in the least.
Well, gals, I think his main problem is that he thinks I am starving myself.
We got into an accident on the 25th of May in his semi-truck, I was thrown from the bed in the back of the 18 wheeler and I completely severed my ACL, MCL and my medical meniscus was severed and ejected from my knee joint, these injuries make it literally impossible to do anything physical except maybe doing the dishes.
So, in light of not being able to exercise I consulted a nurse practitioner friend of mine who suggested that with my lack of movement in order for me to lose weight I should eat between 1000-1200 cals a day. In my husband's eyes, this is far too little.
We did go to the movies, and I did get my diet soda and nothing else, apparently he just wanted to complain about something at the time, because although he asked if I wanted something other than my soda, it wasn't a big deal that I said no.
I doubt that him constantly complaining or getting angry if I mention calories will stop, but I won this small battle.
I think that reaction is a little much but maybe just don't mention it to him anymore. If like at the movies or where ever he asks if you want X just say no, and leave it at that. You really don't have to give a reason and if you treat it in that way - that you said no and you don't need to explain why maybe he'll eventually stop acting immature about everything and being pushy about it. Because he really won't have anything to react to.
Sounds like health wise you are taking a great course of action (and everyone needs some sort of treat sometimes ) and that you have already tried explaining things to him. So I would have to agree with lizzy if he asks if you want something or why you arent eating something leave calories and diet out of it and just tell him you dont feel like eating xyz right now but maybe later if you get hungry etc. It may take awhile but eventually he will get used to you limiting what you are eating and stop commenting on it. Once he sees how good you are doing and how happy it makes you he may even become more encouraging.
Don't give up!! Some men are just really insecure...when I first started I had huge issues with my bf in his mind I was going to get skinny to try to have sx with every man in the universe! It took him a few months but know he is really supportive I have lost 25 still feel like I look exactly the same but he is always giving me complements and making me feel better. Its not about being skinny its about being healthy!!
Yes, it is about health. Have you explained to your husband that with your injuries the extra weight makes it more painful? Does he want you to be in pain?
How I behaved in a similar situation: When you're not in the middle of a fight about eating, calmly explain your reasons for wanting to improve your health. Then tell him that you're tired of fighting about it, and that you're not going to fight any more.
Now, the hard part: After this, ignore his unwelcome behavior as much as possible. When he complains about you not eating something, smile as sweetly as you can and talk about something else (ideally to something of interest to him). Meanwhile, continue fixing your healthy meal as if no one said anything about it. If he says you can't come to the movies if you don't eat popcorn, suggest that the two of you go to see separate movies. Just don't engage.
I'm no expert, but this is a strategy that was suggested to me by a therapist years ago and I've used it in a parallel but different situation, with pretty good results, to break a cycle of repeated arguments about the same stupid thing.
Well, gals, I think his main problem is that he thinks I am starving myself...
I doubt that him constantly complaining or getting angry if I mention calories will stop, but I won this small battle.
Well, you don't have to mention calories.
My husband gets very anxious when I start talking "diety," especially if I show any distress or unhappiness over my choices. He starts to worry if I do not seem happy and calm about my choices.
If I seem happy and calm and nonchalant about my food, so is he. If I complain about what I "can't have," hubby starts to worry.
The other day I made the mistake of mentioning that I was following the Simple Diet and he got all worried about whether the diet was healthy or not, and I told him that I'd been following the diet for the past three weeks and he had seen what I was eating.
He calmed down immediately and said, "Oh, that's good, you've been eating really healthy lately.
Personally, I think Paleo is healthier than shakes and frozen dinners (even with the fruits and vegetables that are also required by The Simple Diet.
Hubby was impressed more because I wasn't skipping meals and was eating more like he does. Instead of eating frozen dinners and extra veggies, he eats ramen noodles with added veggies and protein, but the concept of taking a processes food and adding vegetables is similar enough for hubby to feel comfortable (as long as I'm comfortable).
I avoid complaining about any aspect of my dieting or hubby will feel the need to help me fix the "problem," whether I need or want the "fix."
If we go out to eat, I try not to let hubby see me doing the calorie math in my head and if I decide I want a salad, I tell him it's what "sounded best to me," rather than " it was the lowest calorie item on the menu that even remotely appealed to me."
If your hubby is a worrier, you may find that he'll relax if you can show him that you're relaxed. If you seem worried or stressed he may feel the need to fix things you don't see as broken.
Telling him to back off or that the subject just isn't open to discussion can work too of course, depending on how stubborn and/or how worried he is. In my case, hubby doesn't even notice what I'm eating unless I draw attention to it by using weight loss lingo like mentioning calories, carbs, or other diety words.
I almost laughed one night, when I made a huge, but low-cal salad, and hubby asked, "Are you really going to eat all that, what about your diet?"
I said, "I feel like splurging a little tonight," because I knew if I said anything about the salad's calorie count or that it was "on my diet" he would start worrying that I wasn't eating enough or that I needed more fat, carbs, or protein.
) and that you have already tried explaining things to him. So I would have to agree with lizzy if he asks if you want something or why you arent eating something leave calories and diet out of it and just tell him you dont feel like eating xyz right now but maybe later if you get hungry etc. It may take awhile but eventually he will get used to you limiting what you are eating and stop commenting on it. Once he sees how good you are doing and how happy it makes you he may even become more encouraging.
