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Old 06-06-2013, 06:41 PM   #1
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Unhappy 350lbs....in need of encouragement.....depressed

My name is Shannon, I weigh 350lbs and I am sinking. I have had a lot of health problems in the last few years that have majorly impacted my mobility and I suffer with intense depression. Everyday I do the bear minimum to survive. I feel like I'm just existing. I am 43 and I was normal healthy weight my whole life until 10 years ago after my 3 rd child was born. I had started putting on weight during my second pregnancy. I had all 3 kids in a row. But my 3rd child died when he was 5 months old and the weight and depression just kept going. My daughter is now thirteen, my son is 12 and I feel like my lack of living life is affecting them. I'm tired of being tired and sitting all day on the couch not wanting to move or do anything. All my hobbies have stopped and I just want to feel that lust for life again. I don't have friends right now to call up and talk to, I have a loving husband but he's working a lot and comes home to watch TV. He never puts me down about my weight and I am grateful for that but I'm such a people person that I need a connection with someone. I'm used to having a friend in my life....you know, the person you call everyday and tell everything to...and I just don't have that right now because I just really shut down in everyday. I'm sorry for all the details but I'm hoping to find support here. People to share with. People who are or have been where I am and can be a support to help me come back to life. My self hatred is so bad that I've stopped taking care of myself. I feel like I'm so fat and ugly why try. But mentally I know that's wrong. I used to get my nails done. Hair colored. Makeup on and now I do none of it. I've allowed myself to become frumpy and homely and so insecure that I don't want to go anywhere because I feel like everyone looks at me and thinks how disgusting, ugly and fat I am. I literally here those thoughts playing over and over in my head and I walk or stand anywhere in public. I'm so consumed with feeling so gross that my normally, outgoing, funny, talkative personality is completely stifled and I want to come back to life but I feel so stuck and overwhelmed. My health problems and not moving around much has gotten me so unhealthy that I can't walk far without being completely out of breath. I do have a neighbor that wants to walk with me and would do a buddy thing with me but In the past when we've done it she pushes me more than my health allows and it ends up throwing me backwards. My legs have venous stasis disease which causes poor circulation, resulting in major swelling that has broken down my skin and created large painful ulcers on my legs. The swelling has to be controlled or they get severe and have landed me in the hospital. To much time standing causes the swelling to intensify and walking does too. However walking is good for me and my circulation but I need to start out very slow and slowly increase from there. Well if anyone is even still reading this, thank you for taking the time. Any advice or ideas that I could use would be so helpful. I should add that as far as my eating goes i eat to much fast food. When I do cook I have to put a chair at the stove because I cannot stand long enough without being in pain and feeling like my legs can't hold me up. But I don't mind to much. I just have gotten so lazy. Please help.
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Old 06-06-2013, 07:06 PM   #2
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Shannon, I'm so sorry you are going thru this. **Big hugs for you **. You can dig yourself out! You are worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just take baby steps. You don't need to start eating twigs and water all day to lose weight. You say you eat a lot of fast food? Does that mean 2x per day? 1x /day or 4 x times a week. How ever often it is, cut it by half. Drink a little more water and add a few more fruits and veggies. Make small changes and it wont seem so bad or difficult. At this beginning stage, I wouldn't worry too much about exercise, but if you did want to do something, start with sitting in a chair and just slowly moving your arms around. I'm sure there will be plenty more ppl that have advice. Start now!!! Good luck to you! If you want to message me, you can. I once weighed 335 lbs so I know where you are coming from. :-)

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Old 06-06-2013, 07:07 PM   #3
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Hi Shannon,

I've been where you are weight wise and I understand. I don't think you are lazy but things are harder when you are extremely overweight. Can you do this? Well you have made the first step by joining up with us.

I would say that the buddy system never really worked for me but you can do some walking on your own, even if it means walking 50 feet and going home then increasing each time.

There are a few places on this forum that might have interest for you:
100 lb club, for those that are 100 lbs or more overweight
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/100-lb-club-55/

The 300+ club, for those that are 300 lbs or more overweight
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/300-club-124/

Other forms of exercise that might help is water aerobics as it is gentler on the joints. I've done it and there are people of all shapes and sizes. If you have a pool, gym, ymca or other similar workouts centers for you, it could be an option.

Good luck and we are here for you
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Old 06-06-2013, 07:07 PM   #4
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first of all, lots of hugs

coming here is a great first step, there is a lot of support here. start slow, maybe with just one small change at a time - like 1 less soda today, or 1 minute of walking around in the house. small steps do add up - everyone here is proof of that. and keep talking! talking is for me what helps the most - just knowing i'm not alone in this, ya know? feel free to message me too if you want
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Old 06-06-2013, 07:09 PM   #5
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Welcome! I don't have a lot of advice but this is a great place to be.
For me my weight loss has been very, very slow - but consistent. My favourite quote that has helped me is "If you really want to do something you'll find a way - if you don't you'll find an excuse". I realized I had to get rid of all the thoughts of "I can't because..."

With your mobility issues I wonder if you look up exercises on youtube for people in wheelchairs if that would help. You could start moving your upper body and slowly working up to little bits of walking as you are able. You can lose weight without exercising, but I like the feeling of getting stronger with exercise.

Good luck! Read lots on here and you'll find no end of advice.
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Old 06-06-2013, 07:12 PM   #6
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Welcome to 3fc. A lot of us can relate to your post. We will be here for you every step of the way. The day I joined 3fc changed my life, I hope the same happens for you.
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Old 06-06-2013, 07:41 PM   #7
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My heart goes out to you and I'm SO sorry for you loss!

You can do this, just the way we all did. One choice at a time, don't get overwhelmed, just make each choice the one that builds you up instead of tearing you down.

Doing your hair in the morning? Victory over that choice.

Choosing an apple instead of an energy bar? Victory in that moment, too.

Taking a moment to stop and reflect on your immense gratitude for life, health, and the people who are still here with you? Victory all the way - over your feelings, choosing to reframe your thinking.

We lose 2 or 200 pounds the very same way - one pound at a time. Chugging along, doing our best, every chance we get. Realizing that our goals are the sum of thousands of small decisions we make each day. That by focusing on each of those opportunities to do your best, instead of getting overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the whole task, we are doing everything we are capable of to move toward our goals and that is good enough.
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Old 06-06-2013, 07:51 PM   #8
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Shannon,

I'm sorry for your loss. This is a great place to find support.

Everyone here has given wonderful suggestions so far! You don't have to do everything at once. Just pick one thing to change, once that becomes habit, pick another thing to change.

You can do this!
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Old 06-06-2013, 08:00 PM   #9
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Welcome Shannon, I commend you for reaching out, 3FC is a wonderful place, there are a lot of ladies (and gents) here that understand the struggle. Your post really touched my heart. I am so very sorry about the loss of your precious baby. I want to send you a BIG HUG! Please stick around 3FC and share your trials and triumphs with us...YOU CAN DO THIS, and you deserve happiness. Being depressed has a profound affect on people, I do not think you are lazy. I hope to read more from you soon.
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Old 06-06-2013, 08:13 PM   #10
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I don't have any weight loss advice for you but I do want to encourage you to find someone to talk to. Your pastor's wife? An old friend? A cousin? Someone.

I do have some idea what you are going through. We lost our third child when he was 5yo, in 2000, to cancer - neuroblastoma. We battled it for most of his life. And I was 6 months pregnant with our 5th when he died. Difficult times.

So I want to encourage you to reach out to someone, even if it someone you think that you pushed away. My friends and family have stuck around, even when I have been....difficult.

AND I think that it would be good for you to be as honest with your doctor as you have been here.

AND maybe you want to take a look here - Compassionate Friends.

Anyway. You are in my thoughts and prayers (if that is ok?).
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Old 06-06-2013, 08:33 PM   #11
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Hi Shannon,
do not feel bad about your health problems. I am a former 6 or 7 cigs a day smoker/heavy drinker and I have let my weight go as well. However I am getting back in shape. I just got through doing a tae bo session, and am out of breath as I write this, but I want YOU to know that YOU can lose weight.

Everything is going to work out just fine. Now have you thought about Gastric surgery? You may be covered under your husband's insurance. This may help, but its not necessary.

Are you working with a laptop or a desktop?
I only ask this, because you may want to set mini fit goals, and a good way to do that is start a diary or online blog and log your daily activity.
Also you can use Youtube. Try this:
Find 2 or 3 videos of your favorite singers and do weightless arm curls while you watch them...for 10 days. You will at least get 3 to 5 minutes of working out per day.

Once you do that increase a bit.
Also don't be afraid to post in my other thread called the Youtube Workout Room for encouragement. I'm always here if ya need me!

We'll get this weight off together!
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Old 06-06-2013, 08:37 PM   #12
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Welcome Shannon.

Burying a child is the hardest thing anyone can be asked to do in their lifetime. You and your family are in my prayers.

I would like to invite you to join us in the 300+club. There is a small group of ladies in the Getting fit after 40 thread. We are kinda low key and we try to check in with each other everyday.

Have you ever read the book Embraced By The Light by Betty Eadie?

Wishing you Peace on your journey.
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Old 06-06-2013, 09:13 PM   #13
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Hi Shannon,

I am massively light in the friends department and 3FC has been my support network from the start. So you have come to the right place. I was also all about surviving and not living at the beginning of my journey. But that has changed and did change quite quickly.

I did not do any extra exercise until I was at least 50lbs down. You can do a lot by just focusing on your diet and making small steps. Use those achievements to make bigger steps and you will be sweet-sailing.
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Old 06-06-2013, 10:22 PM   #14
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Hi Shannon,

Your post really touched my heart and I send your heart healing thoughts and prayers. You have survived so much and it's completely understandable!

However, now it's time to make some positive changes to lift you up so that you can see the beauty that is still around you. To have a supportive, wonderful husband alone is an amazing thing! You have two children! You also (I believe) have an angel watching you.

I hope you will take some of the wonderful advice above. My advice is to not think too far into the future. As simple and possibly cliche as it sounds, try to tackle only one day. Make a goal for the day and commit to stick to it. There will be ups and downs and you might fall off track, but as long as you pick yourself back up and remain consistent in your overall efforts, you will experience great change!

Finally, I recommend keeping a journal. Write all of your thoughts in the journal or you could even start a blog about your situation that could some day helps someone else!

You're in my thoughts and I hope you'll stick around because this is a wonderful group of people!
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Old 06-06-2013, 10:50 PM   #15
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Hi Shannon, I pretty much agree with everything everybody else has said, you've definitely come to the right place for friends and support. I just wanted to send you some hugs and let you know we're here for you.

Good luck! And welcome.
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