[Joil]

T

[elvislover324]

A lot of us are strangers to ourselves in the mirror.

I am at your weight now and I should be thrilled, I have come a long way. But I still see my 330lb self and not the new and improved version. But I guess when I started at 330, I saw my old self in the mirror and not this large all over person (and I hardly ever looked at myself in the mirror).

Isn't it funny (not in a LOL kind of way) that 190s for someone that was 300+ is so much thinner but for someone who's highest weight was 190, it's rock bottom? So many different feelings from where we started to where we are going. But we all have the same needs and wants for support, motivation and inspiration.

We are here for you, joil.

[lin43]

I'm so sorry that you're having a difficult time. Is it possible that you can get a counselor through the college (usually colleges have referral services)? I don't know your money situation, but many counselors offer a sliding scale.

Also, ---and I'm not trying to be pushy---are you religious? If so, going to church and getting to know some folks there might be the first step to making some good friends (it has helped me). Beyond that, if you do belong to a church, the pastor or priest can sometimes lend an ear and offer some advice or refer you to someone who may help.

I don't have much advice for you, and I don't want to offer empty platitudes, but I have to say that there is no way that you're a failure. Just based on your post alone, here's what I see:

1) a woman who had the courage to move to another continent
2) a person who worked hard for many years to reach out to people who don't seem so easy to get along with
3) someone who, despite all her obstacles, is pursuing a degree that will be the step to a new career.

Failure? I think not. I admire you.

[Joil]

Thanks. You guys are awesome!

[geoblewis]

Joil, I very much identify with what you have written. I've lost a fair bit of weight but I'm still very fat. And I have been for many years. I struggle with what I see in the mirror because it doesn't match up at all with what I feel like inside.

I used to have very low self esteem, and as a result of that I overate a lot. I let myself get into a situation (marriage) that wasn't right for me and I was stuck there for a very long time. I had two children and we all moved from California to go overseas to follow my husband's job. And we moved every few years so that no matter what sort of friendships I developed, they had to be replaced over and over again with every move.

The marriage ended a few years ago and I moved back to California and have been working at rebuilding my life. It has taken a long time to get my head screwed on correctly, but I'm getting there. Inside, I feel better and better about who I am. And even up to a year ago, I could be having one of those days when I was feeling pretty wonderful and then catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and lose it all. It has taken some to learn to love myself, every square inch.

I had to accept that every ounce of fat, every inch of belly and backside and heavy arms, every stray un-feminine chin hair, was there for a reason. And they were only telling a story of my history, where I've been and what I'm achieving now. I'm coming to love my big bottom because it houses some really strong gluteus maximus muscle, and I know that my big belly carried and bore a couple of babies and is now keeping watch of the six-pack abs that I'm building. And my big arms are hiding a strong set of biceps that I can feel when I flex my muscles. And that chin hair reminds me I'm a middle-aged woman of Greek heritage and ALL the women in my family, big or small, have chin hair!

I had to practice some self-compassion and learn to value what I see in the mirror. It took a lot of practice, and I still have to practice every day.

[Natasha1534]

That doesn't sound weird at all. I have the same issue, but on the opposite side. Some days I look in the mirror and, even though I know how much weight I've lost, I still see the same girl that weight 346 pounds. I still see the big stomach (ugh, the bane of my existence!) and double chin and everything else that was there all those pounds ago. When I go to the store, I pick up 3X shirts still and then, when I figure out I'm being dumb, I go pick up an XL and inspect it, saying "that will NEVER fit me" only to try it on and have it fit. Blows my mind, LOL

[Rana]

Me too! When I hit 200 lbs, I didn't recognize myself. The person I was in my head was different.

I've lost about 30 lbs now and this version of myself it a lot closer to how I see myself. I still have to lose more weight to be in an ideal weight range for my doctor (and my own satisfaction).

You can do it -- you are going through a lot of things right now and it's never a good place to be in a marriage out of necessity and convenience, but focus on yourself and your degree and you'll be able to start over again. Starting over isn't something to be afraid of -- it's the start of wonderful possibilities for a happier and healthier life for you. It's exciting and new and full of hope!

[joefla70]

Originally Posted by Natasha1534

That doesn't sound weird at all. I have the same issue, but on the opposite side. Some days I look in the mirror and, even though I know how much weight I've lost, I still see the same girl that weight 346 pounds. I still see the big stomach (ugh, the bane of my existence!) and double chin and everything else that was there all those pounds ago. When I go to the store, I pick up 3X shirts still and then, when I figure out I'm being dumb, I go pick up an XL and inspect it, saying "that will NEVER fit me" only to try it on and have it fit. Blows my mind, LOL

LOL! I do the same thing. I used to wear size 60 pants and a 5X bathing suit. When I first started wearing size 42, I would look at them and think to myself "how are these supposed to fit me?"... but they did. Then, I needed a bathing suit to wear and I realized that I never bought a new one and my 5X is WAY too big. My wife had a men's XL rash guard that she likes to wear. Just for kicks I tried it on to see if I could squeeze into it (not expecting that I would actually be able to get it on). Not only was it not tight... it fit perfectly! You get so used to being so big... its a bit of an adjustment when you're not quite so big anymore!