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-   -   Judgement (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-support/279120-judgement.html)

JustB1027 04-05-2013 01:04 AM

Judgement
 
Anytime I am eating around people I feel like I am constantly being judged. Regardless of how big or little the other people are or if I am eating healthy vs junk. Anyone else feel this way? I almost get embarassed to eat !

JohnP 04-05-2013 01:23 AM

You're right. They're judging you.

I don't know if this will help you but I heard something many years ago which might help you. It's a technique which is designed to change your mind set. I learned it at my first sales job about 20 years ago. I just googled it to find out who created it and found a article which fits what you're dealing with.

SW SW SW

When I think SW SW SW it always brings a smile to my face. Try it next time.

Misti in Seattle 04-05-2013 01:33 AM

I don't think most people are judging you/us.

My former pastor used to say "Most of the time when we worry what others are thinking about us, they aren't thinking about us at all."

So true. Most people are self-conscious themselves... worried about what others are thinking about them... and also concerned with their own issues.

pixiefalls 04-05-2013 01:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnP (Post 4694544)
I don't know if this will help you but I heard something many years ago which might help you. It's a technique which is designed to change your mind set. I learned it at my first sales job about 20 years ago. I just googled it to find out who created it and found a article which fits what you're dealing with.

SW SW SW

When I think SW SW SW it always brings a smile to my face. Try it next time.

^^ I really enjoyed that link. It's true, some people do and some people don't. It's unfortunate this happens, but worrying if it does won't change it. Just keep moving on! :hug:

belovedspirit 04-05-2013 02:06 AM

I used to feel this way. Admittedly, it was when I felt very insecure about my body size. The thought still crosses my mind every now and then nowadays. It doesn't bother me much, or as much, I think it's because I've learned to value nourishing myself or valuing my own opinion more than that of what seem like pettily judgemental people. If someone cares that much to watch me eat, let them care. What's the harm? They're allowed. Hopefully they're not judging me negatively. If they are, I feel kind of sorry for them, tbh. There are many more interesting things one could think about. Does that make sense? :)

rubidoux 04-05-2013 02:14 AM

For some reason I never worried about this until the last couple of years even though I had probably been close to a bmi of 40 for a decade before that. But I'm afraid I can't shake it now. I think, though, if I were at or very close to ideal weight I wouldn't care. I do think, though, that the judge mental ones are not worth worrying about. They wouldn't be any fun to hang out w anyway.

elvislover324 04-05-2013 07:03 AM

I never eat in front of other people, even now that I've lost some weight. I was too embarrassed to eat unhealthy food in front of people because I figured they'd be thinking "so that's how she got so big". If I ate a salad, I felt like a fraud even if its what I was craving.

I don't think most people care what others are eating. But I preferred to stuff my face in the privacy of my own home. :(

IanG 04-05-2013 07:13 AM

There will always be issues like this. My advice is to just forget it and not give a sh$t what anyone thinks. Even last night I had a friend ask me if I was having an affair because I was losing weight. When I was in my 20s a comment like that would have thrown my whole diet into jeopardy. But not now. I just don't give a sh$t.

Daimere 04-05-2013 08:17 AM

When I first started eating healthier, people noticed. I didn't ever say I was losing weight. I said, "I'm doing this to prevent bad heartburn" or "I love carrots/whatever." People pretty much don't bat an eye. Now if I'm drinking a meal replacement, I have to drink it in a different cup cause I've had negative comments on them before

celigirl88 04-05-2013 08:49 AM

I used to think that all the time, and sometimes I still do. I was terrified to eat out because I always thought people were staring at me like "yes hunny, because you should be eating a salad instead of what you're eating". But I've come to the conclusion that no matter what I look like, what I'm wearing, etc etc people will judge you if they want to. So I just don't worry about it anymore.

IAmTheGlue 04-05-2013 08:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Misti in Seattle (Post 4694549)
I don't think most people are judging you/us.

My former pastor used to say "Most of the time when we worry what others are thinking about us, they aren't thinking about us at all."

So true. Most people are self-conscious themselves... worried about what others are thinking about them... and also concerned with their own issues.

^^I agree with this 100%.

I don't think most people are judging me. I don't think they are looking at me or worrying about what I am doing in the least. I really think that most people are just worried about themselves and what they are doing. And I guess that if they are worrying about what I am doing/eating/wearing/whatever, they are wasting their thoughts on me because I really don't care what they think.

I am sorry you feel judged though. :hug:

elvislover324 04-05-2013 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IanG (Post 4694639)
Even last night I had a friend ask me if I was having an affair because I was losing weight.

Seriously?! That never would have occurred to me to even think of. Is your wife/kids/your own self not worthy of your awesome weightloss but a new chick would be?

bargoo 04-05-2013 09:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnP (Post 4694544)
You're right. They're judging you.

I don't know if this will help you but I heard something many years ago which might help you. It's a technique which is designed to change your mind set. I learned it at my first sales job about 20 years ago. I just googled it to find out who created it and found a article which fits what you're dealing with.

SW SW SW

When I think SW SW SW it always brings a smile to my face. Try it next time.

Terrific article, thanks for sharing !

VermontMom 04-05-2013 09:46 AM

I am sorry that you are self-conscious about eating in front of others!

Yup, some do judge, some don't, but it's the ones who actively look at me, peer into my container, ask 'what is that!?' that really make me :tantrum: If I let it bother me, then that is stress on me that I do not need!

I can be mean and say, um, what the eff are you staring at? Or say 'none of your business' or I can stick out my tongue at them, all covered with my masticated food, or just turn my back (this is at work, and it's my employers, husband and wife who call people 'fat' behind their backs).

I usually just say 'food' and turn my back on them.

betsy2013 04-05-2013 10:50 AM

I don't know if this will be any consolation, but since I'm one of the older members (in my 60s), I can say that I never worry about what others think about what I'm eating. When I'm out with friends we're too busy talking about the kids, the grands, the doctor's appointments, upcoming procedures, trips, etc. However, I wish I had spent more of my younger years practicing the SW SW SW.


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