Yeah there are two levels to this issue. There is the lack of flirting/hitting on attention. That is to be expected.
But even absent than that - I do think people treat fat people differently. On OKCUPID there is even a question that says "Do fat people annoy you" and some peopel write YES. This is not a question like "Would you date someone overweight" which I think is a reasonable question. This is a question that has nothing to do with attraction and who you want to date but is simply "do they annoy you". I would never date someone who wrote yes to that question thick or thin.
My therapist lost over 100lbs and she has noticed that she is treated much differently as a thin person. For instance, at the grocery store, people will offer to help her pull a shopping cart out, but when she was obese, and actualyl needed help sometimes, no one would ever offer.
Well let me be the first to open up about my observation at work.
I work in a large city with a diverse population.
I have seen women on a regular basis have tons of Male attention. .....and the guys were not phased by the size of these ladies. Flirting is a major pass time these guys participate around me .
Another thing they are not phased by the job title that the person has either.
So someone in housekeeping maybe whiffing someone in a higher position.
Constantly see security flirting with the secretaries ,one of secretaries who probably is minimum 350lbs and men are drawn to her like Bees to Honey!!
She has a very outgoing personality and Very funny!
So it maybe a cultural thing about what beauty and Hot is! Just saying
Roo2
Sadly, I have noticed that, too. It's almost like a lot of people tend to let their idea of "perfection" choose who to get to know. In the long run, they miss out on giving someone they'd normally like a chance. I notice that if I were ever out with friends at a bar, even when I was at a decent weight, the men seemed to keep all eyes on the straight-figured, very thin girls that look borderline-anorexic. I have a wide structure, so curvy even when thin. I used to think it was all in my head about this, after seeing the average man with/married to women that are curvy or plus size, but then after getting to know some these people, I learn that when they first started dating, they were pretty thin. Makes me wonder, these men that aparently love them, how many would've passed them by if they weren't thin when they met . . .? Not all men are like that, but I did start noticing that some. It does make me wonder about a good 50% of society, though.
Last edited by Quirky Chick; 04-02-2013 at 01:03 PM.
It's nuts. But the coping strategies big people have to adopt to get round these issues are rewarding. For those that don't get depressed and hit too bad on the self-esteem by the whole deal, bigger people are without a doubt funnier, more charming and emotionally in-touch. They also know the best restaurants (I have never had a dull night out with a big person). The real class act fat guys even dress well and have such a smooth manner and confidence that it's impossible not to like them (dare I say feel attracted to them) on some level. They have a je ne sais quoi which I have never been able to pin down, but you know the types I mean.
So for singles with these tricks up their sleeve, weight loss is going to lead to a tsunami of attention.
I didn't much experience this, even at my higher weights, but I'm an awfully outgoing person and somewhat hard to ignore . The ones who didn't treat me with respect or give me the time of day weren't anyone I cared to waste energy on, anyway! In that sense, obesity was an amazing dating tool. It culled the pool of applicants and left behind the guys who were actually looking for a person and commitment, not just a fling.
I've only lost 10lb but my whole attitude about myself has changed. I take more time getting ready in the morning. I wear outfits, not clothes. My friends have even noticed how much better I'm dressing. I carry my head higher, I smile more, I look people in the eye. I have noticed more glances and polite smiles from men, but they're not rushing over to get my number, which is fine.
But, yes, the percentage of male attention will be greater towards someone who is fit, it's just a fact. My BF is very fit, and I find it very attractive. I dated guys who weren't active in any way, shape, or form...and I didn't like it one bit. I may be overweight, but I'm not inactive as some might guess, because of my weight.
I'm married, but very unhappily so. Can't wait til I'm free, but in the mean time, I do keep one eye open. PreciousMissy - I'm with you. I totally draw the line at inactive. I don't mind a bit of heft to a man... well into the overweight category, but he has to enjoy exercise of some form and getting out there and moving around.
(Long story, keep your judgement to yourself until you've walked in my shoes.)
When I was in college, and overweight, I would be in a bar with one of my thin, pretty friends, and guys would come over and talk to them, but completely ignore me. Not that I expected them to flirt, but at least acknowledge that I was there. It was hurtful.
When I was in college, and overweight, I would be in a bar with one of my thin, pretty friends, and guys would come over and talk to them, but completely ignore me. Not that I expected them to flirt, but at least acknowledge that I was there. It was hurtful.
Yes - this is hurtful. They don't have to flirt but they can at least be nice human beings who acknowledge your existance and are polite to you.
When I weighed around 200 lbs., the very last thing I was wishing for was more male attention. And it was usually good looking, fit men. But now? I still get some offers...from FAT MEN.
I have to rely more on personality now, if I ever decide to attract a beefcake. Well, actually, I just take what I want so it's not a big issue or anything.
Losing Weight: Do it for health and better clothing options. Don't do it for the dudes, because if you live in the Heartland of America, you may be sorely disappointed.
Last edited by Silver Sky; 04-02-2013 at 03:10 PM.
I know I replied to this, but I was ruminating on the subject while grocery shopping, and remembering some of the feelings I've had about it.
To the original poster:Remember that even if you're not the first girl they notice, make sure you're WORTH noticing. I don't mean overcompensate, but don't go into any situation with the mindset "No one will notice me/men hate me" etc. Fake it if you have to, but always walk into the room like you belong, like you're confident, feel sexy and you are desirable. That gets more attention than ANYTHING.
I've only lost a little amount of weight but I can tell that guys do treat me differently. But I think it has more to do with my confidence level and the way I present myself better. But actually it's never been a problem for me. Guys have always noticed me whether I want them to or not. I honestly don't liked being stared at or hit on and I know it has a lot to do with the fact that I feel disgusting in my own skin so I can't ever understand WHY they would think I'm attractive enough to talk to, but it happens all the time. I'm hoping to have less attention once I get smaller. It's so assbackwards I know. LOL...I just really...don't know, but it will probably change as I get smaller whether or not I'd actually still want the attention.
But again I honestly think that it has to do with the way you carry yourself more often then not. Not everybody is skinny and not everyone is a model and yet a lot of people are in a relationship.
I do find it funny though that certain guys who don't carry themselves well or that are overweight really look down on overweight women and yet expect to find a super model girlfriend. And it's funny that a lot of super attractive girls are attracted to not so attractive guys. I mean, I guess the same can go for anyone, it's your personal preference and what you like but not all guys are like that.
I know I replied to this, but I was ruminating on the subject while grocery shopping, and remembering some of the feelings I've had about it.
To the original poster:Remember that even if you're not the first girl they notice, make sure you're WORTH noticing. I don't mean overcompensate, but don't go into any situation with the mindset "No one will notice me/men hate me" etc. Fake it if you have to, but always walk into the room like you belong, like you're confident, feel sexy and you are desirable. That gets more attention than ANYTHING.
Love this! And I do think that people do tend to exude their internal feelings more than we realize. If we feel confident vs frumpy - I do think men can sense that.
. The ones who didn't treat me with respect or give me the time of day weren't anyone I cared to waste energy on, anyway! In that sense, obesity was an amazing dating tool. It culled the pool of applicants and left behind the guys who were actually looking for a person and commitment, not just a fling.
