My husband is deployed right now, but we're at the tail end of things. I wanted to go shopping tonight for a nice homecoming dress. It was awful. I don't normally hate my body. I know that I'm overweight and I want to lose weight but normally I still think that I'm a fairly attractive person. Today, though, I did not. Today I looked at myself in the mirror and thought "Oh my goodness, my poor husband is coming home to a friggen beluga whale."

I don't know what it was. Not that the dresses were unflattering or anything, either. I am just....fat. My arms are fat. My body is fat. I'm fat.

I just...I don't have too much time before he comes home. I want to lose like 5 - 10 more pounds before he gets here but I don't think that will be enough. I hate my body. I've never really felt so much self loathing before.

How do I get out of this funk? I want to be okay with myself again.

I am sure he will think you are beautiful! Where are you shopping? Are you stuck on size? Because dresses are made weird and you may have to go up or down a few sizes to get the right fit.

Old Navy, Macy's, JCPenney tonight. I'm not worried about size, I just wear clothes that fit. All of the dresses fit fine. Some of them were even a flattering style. But it's like...even in something flattering I'm still too fat.

And I know he doesn't care what I'm wearing. I'm still 15 pounds lighter than I was when he left so it's not like I've made no progress. I just really had plans to look beautiful but I feel like I blew it.

Sorry I think the right shape wear can make all the difference.
Keep on working on your diet....but also find some activity that makes you feel good about yourself and start participating.

So if you like to dance put on music and go to it.
Pretty soon you'll start feeling better on the inside and that inner happiness will make you feel and look soo much better.

Our attitude has a major impact on how we're perceived ...be proud of your hard work and effort .

Enjoy your Cinderella moment and go to the ball and dance Sweetie...Now enjoy!
Roo2

Just remember these two things:

1. Your husband is going to be overjoyed to be with you again - not because of how you look, but because of who you are
2. You've been separated for how long? He's probably thinking more about you without clothes, than with them.

Chin up and smile...and happy reuniting!

I am sure you looked beautiful in so many dresses!! You are so pretty in your profile picture too.

I would try on a few more dresses, even ones that you don't think would be your style. That's how I have found some of my best ones, ones I tried on "just to see".

Do you have someone that can go with you? A trusted girlfriend, sister, mom that will give you the God's honest truth?

Or what if you try a plain black dress (or whatever color you want) and then jazz it up with flashy sandals and jewelry?

Your husband is going to be so happy to see you, I would tend to agree with Novus!! The clothes hopefully aren't going to be on very long!!!

Thank you to your husband and you as a military wife, his service and your support as a wife are appreciated more than you will ever know.

Agree with Novus and Elvislover. Your husband will be thrilled to see you. We are so hard on ourselves. I understand how you feel. I've been there. That said, keep on your plan--you are already succeeding. Have a wonderful reunion and thanks to you and your husband for your sacrifice and service to our country.

I don't know if this is something you'd be interested in, but back in my eating disorder days, (I was a binge/purger), I REALLY hated my body. I read this article somewhere that suggested standing in front of a mirror without clothes on, looking at yourself and picking out at least 5 things that you really like. It was pretty awkward at first-the only thing I could pick out that I liked was my lips!-but after doing it a few times, I started actually LIKING the parts of me that I'd hated before. I've got big thighs/hips/butt, and I really hated that, but I started to appreciate them more. I'm not sure if this works for everyone or not, but it helped me.

P.S.-I agree with the other posters-your husband is going to be THRILLED to see you! And your profile picture is really pretty!!

Get your hair done and have a mani/pedi. Some new shoes and a new outfit and you'll feel a million dollars. If I can feel hot at 252 pounds (my last party night), then anyone can!

I agree with IanG, a mani/pedi, a haircut trim, and few other things to pamper yourself with and you will feel a lot better about yourself. Just don't let the negativity get you down. You've made progress and it's a long road towards getting there!

Thanks everyone for the responses. I'm just sort of down on myself lately. I bought all new make up yesterday at least so my face is beautiful

I still have more than a month til he's back so maybe I'll spend April trying to lose a few more pounds then try the shopping thing again. I've been maintaining for a few months now so the good feelings that come with losing have worn off. Maybe if I lose 5 or so more I'll start to think I'm hot **** again

I know I'm being too hard on myself. I really don't look bad. I'm just in a self loathing funk.

If your husband is anything like mine, he is going to think you are beautiful no matter what. My husband (who sees me everyday), did not notice that I gained over 30 pounds in less than 3 years. He also didn't even notice when I lost 25 pounds within 2 years. I asked him how could he not notice such substantial weight changes and his reply was "because, when I look at you, I just see Katrina and I think she is beautiful no matter what"... then he had to throw in a fun-insult to make it sound less cheesy!!

But the point is, we are our own worst critics and think everything is seeing/thinking the worst about us!!! You'll get out of the funk within a few days most likely!! Keep up the good work tho!

It sounds to me like this is less about the outside and more about the inside.

Make an eating plan to help you start losing some weight again and stick to it. Every day that you eat on plan you can be proud of yourself, and that might help you to feel better. Try to get outside. Nurture your spirit. Give yourself a little love!