Ditto, ditto, and ditto. Although I did up my maintenance weight by 5 pounds recently. I realized I look every bit as good at 145 lbs as I do at 140 lbs, if not better. At 5'11", 145 lbs is still slender. No reason to penny-pinch my calories to keep those 5 uber-vanity pounds off.

Freelance

Hey Beach Patrol--soooo happy to see you again!! You are one of my favorite posters! (I relate to so much of what you say!) While, like Lin said, I personally could spiral out of control, just plain eating for health's sake sounds like a totally worthy goal. :)

Thank you everyone, for your support (and understanding!) - it means a great deal to me.

Basically, I'm just TIRED. Seriously, really, very TIRED of putting so much thought & energy into my "diet plan". All these years. So many diets. So much learning, so much UNlearning as well. Doing it stupid. Doing it smart! - sometimes not doing it at all... hence the yo-yo dieting that made me lose and gain well over 250 pounds during my lifetime. And every time I'd say "I'll never get fat again!" and yet everytime, I DID. Then the self-loathing would come. The OHGODWHY questions I would ask myself & ignore the answers.

Bottom line, all these years, I eat too much damn food. Always have. I LOVE FOOD. All kinds of food. Healthy foods & not healthy foods. But I have an EATING DISORDER. Binge eating. And I've never been "treated" for that disorder; never even been "officially diagnosed" as having it, but I've researched & read & studied it enough - I know that is what I have. I can totally O.D. on grilled fish & steamed veggies as easy as I can a pumpkin pie or bag of popcorn!! I can eat 100's of grapes in one sitting, or an equal number of M&Ms.

The fact is clear to me. I need to seriously address my binge eating/overeating habits and stop worrying about the scale number or my size 10 jeans that still remain in storage because I never quite made my butt fit into them!

I haven't been coming here regularly in the past few months because I felt a little ashamed that I've gained back 16 of the 39 pounds I lost (this time!) and partially because I just wasn't getting anything "right" anymore (in my mind.) And I certainly didn't feel that I had anything to offer others here who need support and good advice. It was like being an alcoholic in a room full of people who were trying to quit drinking, while I sat there with a bottle of gin! Ugh.

I do hope my "epiphany" doesn't lead me to gain even MORE weight. But even if it does, I have to make sure that I don't *panic* and get crazy with the dieting. Doing so has not freed me of these chains for 40 years. OBVIOUSLY!

My mother died two days before Christmas. Her birthday was January 20, she would have been 76. A life long smoker, but pretty healthy eater - and yet, never exercised. However, she worked a very physically demanding job all her life. Once she retired, she just STOPPED moving altogether. She had emphysema. She had a pace maker. Her kidneys failed. She was ICU for a week. The doctor said if they did dialysis, her heart wouldn't be able to take it, and she'd die of heart failure, but if they didn't do dialysis, she'd die of kidney failure. My two brothers & I honored her wishes and put her into hospice care. She wasn't even in hospice for a full day when she died.

It was my mother's long, drawn out illness (years!) and her unhealthy habits (smoking, not exercising) that has lead me to this decision. While my mother was never really overweight most of her life, she still was not HEALTHY. I don't want to die like that. Near the end, she could hardly move, could barely stand up for more than 5 minutes at a time. Struggled to breathe. 76 is really not that old.

I WANT TO BE HEALTHY. Body, mind, & spirit. It's a process. :)

Beach Patrol - don't you sometimes feel like your head's going to explode??? Honestly, that's how I've felt as well. I can completely relate.

Bottom line, indeed. I'm always amazed when I read study after study over the years analyzing the reasons why Americans are so overweight. They want to blame:

* Too much fast food/processed food
* Too much fat (or not enough)
* Too many carbs (or not enough)
* Too much protein (or not enough)
* Lack of exercise
* Genetics
* Corporate greed (yes, I've seen that - they are making us fat, and it's not our fault! - whine, whine)
* (insert any number of other reasons here)

But I notice they don't ever have the choice - "Because they eat too much!" Well, duh.

I am as guilty as the next person of making this so doggone complicated, but it's not. Yes, I do understand that there are some medical conditions that make it more difficult for some people to lose weight. I'm not minimizing that.

But for the vast majority of people, it's simply that they eat more food than their body needs to maintain an optimum weight. The "whys" of that are numerous and it's up to each person to determine what their own situation is and how to deal with it.

My point exactly. You've identified the problem and are now prepared to address it.

You might, but if you can get a handle on the binging I rather doubt you will gain much more, if at all. On the other hand, if you continue to diet you will likely continue to gain. That seems to be your pattern - it certainly was mine.

My sincerest condolences on your loss.

It absolutely is. I hope to read more of your posts...please keep us updated on your progress. And best of luck to you!

BP, I am so sorry about your mother.

SouthernMaven: There's no need to take a shot at me about the "Corporate greed" thing. I never said that people aren't responsible for what they put into their faces. I SAID our bodies are designed to seek out the most caloricly dense foods (for survival) with the least amount of effort. And yes, CORPORATE GREED is the driving factor behind processed food production. They are exploiting natural human behavior for profit.

We don't live in a vacuum, SouthernMaven.

Think of it as a lifestyle change rather than a diet remember your healthy is more important than the number on the scale .

:hug:

You, in my opinion are a rock star, for putting yourself out there.

Sending you a big ole sloppy redneck, Nebraska hug!

I understand. I'm very close to goal but I'm tired too. The thought of having to maintain this weight the rest of my life...ugh. I have lost and gained many times too. It sucks. :(

BP, I am sorry about your mom. I agree with all of yours (and others posts).... but the one that sticks out the most.. I am sooo tired of being "FOODS B-word". I so love it... in fact, I may use it as my motto if you don't mind.

Thank you so much! I wish you much health!

(emphasis mine)

I was just reading The Thin Commandments last night (a book not about a specific diet, but about making whatever diet you're on work... it's more about change behavior therapy) and it made that exact point.

They said that what often throws people off is that whatever "diet" they're on tells them what they can and can't eat. But it doesn't give them a structure for eating. So if they're just counting calories, it doesn't seem to matter whether they eat them over three meals and a snack, or skip a meal to "save" calories for later. But the writer's point was that structure DOES matter. So many times they've seen their clients stick with an eating plan but loosen the structure, and then begin to slide back into unhealthy eating patterns.

In contrast, the Italian and French eat comparatively high-calorie/high-fat meals. But they have a pretty strict cultural structure for when they eat. And adults just don't snack. It's not just unseemly... it's almost rude.

Americans, especially nowadays, eat constantly. We eat large portions at our meals, and then we have snacks in between.

http://www.usda.gov/factbook/chapter2.pdf (page 14)

So, yes, the idea that we're just eating too much is definitely out there.

But it's SO much easier to blame something else... carbs, fats, GM foods, fast food, restaurant portions, multi-serving containers (chips, anyone?), etc.

Thank you.

Be my guest! - I love when people quote me. :D