Sigh. Need to vent.
 

So basically, my mom is going crazy about her weight loss. She's lost about 35 pounds since January, and she now currently weighs the same as I do (173). All she ever does is talk about how fat she is, and how she can't wait to get back to 140 pounds where she was before she had 4 kids. This really upsets me because hello, we are the same weight. So while she is complaining about how "fat" she is, I'm sitting here thinking, "is that what you're thinking about me?" And so I've been working so hard these last few months and I'm doing it the healthy way, losing slowly. With her now being the same weight as me she always is rubbing it in on how she's 40 and weighs the same as her 18 year old daughter. I don't know why it bothers me so much! I should be so happy for her. It just makes me feel insecure that my mom wants to be a size 6, and my goal is an 8, and I know if we both got to our goals she would still give me a hard time about her being 40 and having 4 kids and still being smaller than me. I'm sorry to vent about something so dumb! I jus had to get it out hah

I don't think that's a dumb thing to vent about it. It would bother me too. You're working really hard and doing well but she's stealing your thunder. Of course, it's great that she's losing weight, too, but it's not any more important than your weight loss. Maybe she doesn't realize it's bothering you. Have you told her to stop comparing her weight loss to yours?

Totally understand. She's probably just trying to tease you a little and put a little friendly competition into it. Mother's sometimes forget that teasing comes across as criticism because they are our mothers. I know my mother loved me more than life itself, did everything she could for me, made a lot of sacrifices so that I could have the important things in life and she could drive me nuts with pushing me to do things that she thought would make me happier. All they did was irritate me or make me wonder if she was disappointed in me. I always just kept my mouth shut as I knew she was doing the wrong thing for the right reason. If you're 18, try having an adult conversation with her; i.e., calm, no anger, and a clear definition of what's bugging you. She'd probably be surprised that her comments are getting to you.

How tall is your mother ? If she is much shorter than you she will appear heavier at the same weight

It sounds to me like she is very proud of her accomplishment. It's a big deal for her, think about it--she's gained at least 20 pounds with each kid she had and then lost it again only to gain it back with the next kid. Try to put yourself in her shoes. She's spent a long time sacrificing her body for her children and now she's finally able to focus on herself for a while. Let her be happy.

I am positive that she is not trying to make you feel bad--it's your mom, mom's don't do that. I think that she's just so focused on her progress that she isn't aware that it's bothering you.

Thank you so much for your comments! I already feel a lot better because I didn't really think about how she is feeling about her accomplishment. She is 5'10 so about two inches shorter than me, I guess that could make a big difference. I think I should just be happy that both of us are doing so well and getting healthy and fit.

2" is a big difference. So is body build. You are NOT the same person, so don't expect to weight the same either.

I'm a 40 year old mother of a daughter and I can not IMAGINE comparing myself to her or making her feel bad to make myself feel better. That's not healthy. My job as a mother is to build my daughter up, not use her as a stepping stone to feed my own ego.

I don't think it's "no big deal" - how our parents treat us determines a lot of how we see ourselves. The next time she starts in, you might want to remind her that she could lift you up once in a while instead of stepping on you to make herself feel better.

Hugs

Is shouldn't be a competition and your mom shouldn't make you feel bad. Just remember her journey is not your journey. Enjoy your success and focus on your own successes. Good luck!

I have a mom like this. Hugs. A lot of mothers feel in competition with their daughters as they get older, probably especially when they're relatively close in age. Heck I'm 42 and I have teammates who aren't much older than you. And just cos she's your mother doesn't mean she isn't sometimes wrong or feel jealous or whatever.

Originally Posted by TheSecondHalf:
I'm a 40 year old mother of a daughter and I can not IMAGINE comparing myself to her or making her feel bad to make myself feel better. That's not healthy. My job as a mother is to build my daughter up, not use her as a stepping stone to feed my own ego.

I don't think it's "no big deal" - how our parents treat us determines a lot of how we see ourselves. The next time she starts in, you might want to remind her that she could lift you up once in a while instead of stepping on you to make herself feel better.

Yeah, I can't imagine this either.

However, my mom used to do this thing to me, it drove me NUTS. I would wear this certain pair of shorts that were men's cargo shorts because they were the only shorts that fit me (they went to the knees).

EVERY SINGLE TIME I would wear them she would say with this frowny, disappointed look on her face "Those shorts are NOT flattering on you". Every single time!

Finally I snapped and said "YES I GET IT, but these are the only shorts that fit me because I'm so fat and all you are doing is reminding me of that!"

She looked totally shocked and then felt really terrible and said "I'm so sorry, I had no idea I was making you feel that way".

So, it was a case of her just being a typical mother, nitpicking and commenting about everything I wear, thinking she was "doing me a favor" by letting me know something wasn't flattering for me.

Once I said that, she never ever commented on anything I wore again in a negative way.

My point? Your mom may not actually know how much it bugs you or makes you feel until you tell her!