I want ->
 

* to not feel like I'm getting looks when I walk into "normal" size boutiques with thin friends
* to have more energy
* to get stronger mentally, physically, spiritually & emotionally
* to be able to get on & off my horse without assistance
* to be proud of myself for working hard and accomplishing my goals
* to know that I can do ANY thing, especially things that seem impossible
* to feel like the person I am on the outside matches the person I am on the inside
* to be able to run
* to set an example for loved ones
* to see what my face & body look like at a healthy weight
* to know that food does not control my life & that i'm stronger than my sugar addiction
* to travel & explore the world without being weighed down by my own body & negativity

Oh my gosh, yes! Me too. I have never been able to cross my legs!

I love how open and honest everyone is here <3
I'm probably repeating a few, but these are the big ones for me.

I want:
- to use regular bath towels
- to go to the doctor when I'm sick instead of putting it off because I don't want to hear 'the talk' after I step on the scale
- to sit in a chair without spilling over the sides
- to wear clothes that fit my style, not just whatever fits my body
- to wear heels without feeling like they're going to snap any second
- to comfortably cross my legs without effort
- to run without all the stress on my knees
- to look proportionate in a dress (right now they just emphasize my hips SO much)
- to stop consciously sucking it in when I catch a glimpse of my reflection
- to not literally avoid an event if there's a heavy chance cameras will be present
- to wear jeans without the thighs rubbing out
- to do outdoorsy activities for fun, not huffing and puffing and being miserable
- to pay for an expensive amusement park ticket and not waste it by declining most rides because "I'm afraid of heights," when really, I'm afraid I won't fit
- to have my outside match what I feel like inside
- to never, ever hear "You have such a pretty face!" again with the implication that oh, if only you lost weight...

I want:

• To not always feel like the fat girl in the room
• To know what it feels like to be at a normal BMI
• To wear fitted blouses and actually look good in them
• To be happy with what I see in the mirror
• For my kids to be proud to be seen with me (they are anyway, they say, but that doesn't change how I feel)
• To not feel silly in a swimsuit or sexy underwear
• To have a healthy relationship with food

I want to have another baby

•I want to be able to run a 5k without stopping.
•I want hang out with my BFF and not be the "fat friend"
•I want to be the weight I was in high school, but to actually be healthy and not starving myself.
•I want to see a picture of myself and actually recognize and like what I see.
• I want to be happy.

I want to be healthy.
I want my heart to behave and the only way to accomplish that is to get my weight much, much lower.

I want to be able to mountain hike again.

To be healthy.
To cross my legs.
To use one regular towel.
To shop in the regular part of the store.
TO not feel judgement in the grocery store about what is in my buggy.
To not always be hot.
To not be the largest person in any room.
To feel beautiful.
To be hit on by hott guys!
To be able to sit comfortably in movie theater or concert venue seats.
To not worry that I am going to break a chair.
To feel lovable and worthy.
To enjoy amusement parks.
To buy cute clothes!
To deal with my emotions without food.

I want...

• to not be consistently the fattest person in my Bikram yoga class
• to shop in the middle range of clothes in the normal store
• to run faster
• to play a whole rugby match
• to run a 10k this summer
• to get super strong this summer
• to turn heads ;)

On the other hand, I'm very proud of being the fattest person in my Bikram class. I've seen fat folk come and go, but I stuck with it despite being too fat and inflexible to do some poses. But even when I'm not fat, I'll still have that pride of accomplishment.

Updated to add: hey, I played the whole match yesterday! It was because of player shortage rather than being chosen to start - I still did it! Tick one off the list!