It's been awhile since I've been on this site. It's partially because at a certain point I felt I didn't need support, and then at a further certain point I wouldn't admit that I needed support. But over the past year I've lost around 40 lbs. I've been stagnant for the past 4 months. And emotionally I want nothing more to lose more. But I'm stuck in the place where I'm fighting myself to push myself forward.
But I think what ultimately sucks is that I constantly get compliments about how much weight that I've lost. 'Oh wow, how great you look'. 'Wow, you've really lost a lot of weight, how much have you lost?'. And the ultimate thing I hear in my head is 'oh my god you were so ****ing fat, i'm so glad you got past that. Keep it up. You're doing great'. I know that's not what they're really saying. But that's what I feel. But if I backslide and start gaining weight back? What will they think of me then? Will they ignore my gaze? Will they call me lazy? Will they make excuses for me?
So I'm struggling now between the desire to push forward and lose more because I'm still not at the idea weight vanity wise and health wise. And I'm struggling between that concept and just whether I'm fulfilling the requirement of being present. Obviously, I'd like for my presence to mean more, but it may take awhile to get there. Meanwhile, how can I move forward in my life and yet not get discouraged by how everyone else is perceiving the events outside of me?