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-   -   Mildly annoyed with hubs yesterday (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-support/272773-mildly-annoyed-hubs-yesterday.html)

freelancemomma 01-06-2013 11:14 PM

Mildly annoyed with hubs yesterday
So yesterday I and my family went to my brother's place to celebrate my niece's sixth birthday. My SIL had ordered one of those fancy princess cakes with multiple layers and gobs of icing. When she offered me cake I declined. (Just for context, she has a history of making snide remarks about my weight loss. Sometimes I accept her offers, but there was also fruit available last night and I really needed to get back on track after holiday indulgences.) Immediately after that she offered my husband a piece, and he said, "Sure, I'll have some cake to honour Robyn's birthday." The implication, to my ears, was that I had dishonoured her birthday by refusing the cake. When I mentioned this to hubby later, he said he hadn't intended any slight. I believed him, but did point out his poor choice of words.

Then we discussed the whole issue of whether refusing food is ever rude. He said it was probably considered rude in our parents' generation, but that etiquette has been changing in this regard. I, for one, would like to see all obligations to accept and eat food disappear. It's part of the reason for our collective weight problems, IMO. Thoughts?

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gailr42 01-07-2013 12:22 AM

I get what you are saying, but I think it will be an uphill battle to do anything about it. Eating is pretty well entrenched with socializing. People think you are rejecting their love if you don't eat their food.

When I was young and thin, folks would want me to eat under the same circumstances you mention, and I would have a problem because the social situation was a little stressful, and I couldn't eat because of my anxiety. You can't win, I guess.

Regardless, your DH put his foot in it when he made that remark. Kinda makes me want to pick a fight with him. LOL.

Arctic Mama 01-07-2013 12:34 AM

I think your husband did what mine would - make an innocent comment that wouldn't be a red flag to him or any other similarly transparent individuals, but to the right audience is cannon fodder. He's a typical man in this instance, and me being a typical woman sees more innuendo in language than my handsome but somewhat socially clueless engineer husband.

Oh well :)

And I agree it is somewhat of an uphill battle. This entire vacation I've been refusing food from family with varying results - it's a good thing I'm both stubborn and obstinately cheerful, as they cannot steamroll me nor claim I am less than polite in my delivery. But food IS just food, and convincing them I can both enjoy myself and share love with them without eating things that don't agree with me has been quite eye opening for a few, I think!

shcirerf 01-07-2013 12:42 AM

I so get this one.

I have several grandmothers and one gramma in law, and when you show up they want to feed you. It's an old social thing. They had enough food to share and feed you. Granted they are all 95+, I get that. To them and the generation, refusing food was an insult. After all, they lived through the depression and food was a valuable commodity at that time and sharing it meant they were on the wealthy side.

As for today, it's a different story.

I have developed tons of allergies! :carrot: Even though my only truly medically diagnosed allergy is chocolate, I have become, theoretically allergic to sugar, MSG, gluten intolerant, and so on!

One thing I discovered is I don't say I can't eat this or that, I simply say, "I don't eat x,y,z"

Can't gives the control to someone else, "DON'T" gives the control to YOU!

Live it, love it, own it! :D If the rest don't like it, they can go pound sand, or beat their laundry on rocks!

If you were diagnosed with diabetes, how would you handle the cake thing? Obviously cake is not a good option.

We all have choices, we just have to choose!

I have some relatives that are on board with me, some are not. The ones that are, I love, the that aren't, I still love, but blot out the noise, I am healthy and I feel great.

Cruela200 01-07-2013 12:57 AM

You did the right thing .

freelancemomma 01-07-2013 01:15 AM


Originally Posted by Arctic Mama (Post 4578672)
it's a good thing I'm both stubborn and obstinately cheerful, as they cannot steamroll me nor claim I am less than polite in my delivery.

I wish I had that gift. When I feel cornered I get anxious and any cheerfulness I can muster comes off as fake.


JohnP 01-07-2013 01:37 AM

I personally think it all depends on how he said it. You were there, we weren't. It is an interesting choice of words though...

krampus 01-07-2013 11:18 AM

Well BOO HOO HOO. I'd be annoyed too (but I would never have the willpower to refuse cake, so...) - sounds very passive aggressive.

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