Gaining weight and struggling to find help
 

Hello everyone! I am sorry if this isn't the right place for my post, but I am having weight problems and I am struggling to find someone to turn to.

I am maybe not your typical dieter, due to the fact I'm not overweight. Go on, laugh - most people do if I voice my concerns to them! I do really struggle with body image, and I find weight goes hand in hand with that.

I am 22, 5'4 and this morning I weighed myself at 7 stone 13. Which is a pound more than last week, and I put a pound on last week too. Earlier this year I was 7 stone 7, and happy with that. Then I put on half a stone (summer, holidays, festivals...!). I am really, really struggling to get back there - I have been trying since september and there's not been much change.

A little while ago I was trying to maintain 800-1000 calories a day, and still wasn't losing any weight. I spoke to my parents about it, and they insisted I started eating more. So I upped it to around 1200 - 1400 a day (according to metabolic rate calculators I should eat about 1800, but that's way too much). Now my weight is going up. A typical day of food would be:
Breakfast: Fruit and yoghurt, or coco pops
Mid morning: A fruit bar
Lunch: Fresh soup, or crackers with ham and a cheese triangle. Sometimes I will have a jacket potato with cottage cheese, but will have a smaller dinner.
Dinner: A small portion of something like chicken, rice and salad, or spghatti bolognaise and salad - typically healthy-ish home cooked food. If I had a bigger lunch I'll have soup and a roll.
Evening: I will snack on fruit (dried and fresh), yoghurt, or a chocolate mousse. I usually have a highlights hot chocolate and a mini milk, and a few oat biscuits or jaffa cakes at night.
I drink water, fruit/herbal teas, and tea and coffee without sugar.

On the whole I exercise for 2 hours a week - maybe 40 minutes at the gym and the rest is walking. I am at college now so my time for exercise has reduced.
One of my big problems is that I fall into the trap of thinking it's ok to have a treat at the weekend. Like, I won't be so strict counting calories - I'll have a takeaway and a chocolate bar or something. Yesterday I had chocolate and a chinese. I was going to have pizza and chips with salad tonight, but re-thinking that now. I have a real sweet tooth which makes it difficult!

I really don't know what to do. I know I need to address my weekend eating, but sometimes it's so hard to restrict yourself day after day. I am starting to feel ashamed about eating, especially when it's something naughty, and I'm terrified what will happen with christmas coming up.
I really hate the fat on my stomach, and wish I could get back to 7 stone 7. I am thinking of going back to 1000 calories a day, and trying to do that every day. I don't want to speak to family/friends/doctors about this, because I'm small people just mock me if I say I worry about my weight.

I guess I'm just looking for some advice on where to go from here. I feel like to stay small I am going to have to live off salad and soup, day in day out, for the rest of my life.

First of all, {{hugs}} :hug:.

In these modern times many of us, especially women, feel pressure to be as thin as humanly possible. We believe that our self worth is directly proportionate to our weight. Pick up any women's magazine and there's sure to be an article in it discussing the latest tips on how to lose those last pesky five pounds (often right alongside the recipe for chocolate cheesecake :devil: ).

That said, I think that most people on here would tell you that 800 - 1000 calories per day is way too low for just about anyone. While I understand how personal body image and weight are, its concerning that you don't want to discuss your feelings with your doctor. Is there a particular reason why? Do you not feel comfortable with him/her? If that's the case you may want to find a new doctor that you can trust.

It sounds to me like you are being very hard on yourself and may be restricting too much. Restricting yourself can become dangerously addictive. You don't need to beat yourself up over a weekend treat - many of us allow ourselves to have small indulgences and are still able to lose weight or maintain a healthy weight.

You may want to ask yourself some questions such as:

What is my relationship with food? Is it the same as it was 1 year ago? 3 years ago? 5? How has it changed? Is it better or worse? Do I feel better or worse?

What is my relationship with my body? Has it changed?

You may find that doing a little soul searching might be better for you than limiting your already limited food intake. Good luck to you, I wish you the best health!

To be very honest, and since you asked... I agree with those who say you need to seek medical attention.

You are not fat... at your weight you are very thin, and you are NOT eating enough to maintain any type of health at all... and I don't see a fresh veggie anywhere at all -- except a salad, which is likely small -- in what you described that you are eating.

Your family/friends/doctor are not mocking you. They are concerned for your health, and quite rightfully so.

Just my opinion. I hope you find the support you need.

And yes... what Krissy said! Well said, Krissy.

Thanks for your advice!

I do make the effort to eat my fruit and veg. I generally always have fruit for breakfast, if I have soup it's fresh vegetable soup or something like that. I'll always have veg/salad with my dinner, and will have sticks of carrot/pepper stuff like that with lunches. I always get my 5 a day lol!

I think what makes me not want to go to my doctor is that I'll voice my concerns, and just get told I'm a healthy weight and not to worry. And I do get that my weight is hardly cause for concern physically - but psychologically it's tough, and to get told 'I don't know what you're worrying about' just makes me feel worse. Plus I'd probably get told to eat mrore - and I can't see how I'll maintain a weight I'm comfortable with eating around 1800 calories if I seem to gain at around 1300.

I don't quite know when/why my attitude towards food/weight changed. I never used to count calories or even weigh myself that often. I would like to be more relaxed about food, but I get scared that if I relax I'll just balloon. In terms of body image, more recently I've got really hung up about my stomach. It seems to be one place the fat goes! I am not sure why that started either, perhaps because of some intolerances I bloat a fair bit - maybe it just made me start taking notice of my stomach and I got hung up on it.

I guess alot of this is sychological, but I do need to find a way of eating sensibly long-term without gaining weight.

Maybe instead of a doctor, make an appt. with a mental health professional, counselor, etc. They are better equipped to deal with these type of issues.

Don't assume that a weight gain is always fat, too - it could be water, muscle, as your body changes.

You know the calorie restrictions you're placing on yourself are too low- you absolutely do not want your body to get used to that few calories - you're missing out on nutrients and don't want to be skinny fat - you might look good but suffer a stroke because you're unhealthy.

Please seek assistance from a mental health professional - no one here can really help you the way you'll need continued guidance and follow-up. Best of luck and remember - you're a WOMAN - you're not designed to look like a teenage boy with no fat, no curves.

Is 7 stone 13lbs not 111lbs??? At 5'4??

I've been 109lbs at 5'5 and I have to say, I was really starting to border on an eating disorder (thankfully turned around). I was your age too. Eating such little food to try and lose weight at those statistics suggest you are not seeing the mirror for what it is and you are also verging on an eating disorder. Good luck but you do need to speak with a professional. If you are in college, there should be a reference at student services.

I think if I can't get things on track soon then you are probably right. What is weird is that I can see that I have an unhealthy attitude to this stuff, but struggle to put the thinking into practice, if that makes sense?

My mum was suggesting some of my weight gain could be down to muscle. I was thinking otherwise, since I used to walk for around 40 minutes+ 4 times a week, now I only do that about twice a week, but go to the gym for 40 minutes once a week, a bit of cardio (cross trainer/treadmill) and a bit of core/strength training. Could that be true?

Physically, if my exercise remains the same but I upped my eating (with healthy foods) to something more sensible (maybe 1600 cals?), would I just pile the weight on? At the moment I range from a size 6 to a 10 (you know what sizes are like lol!).

I also hope you get the support you need. It's actually great that you realize that your body image isn't what the world sees about you. A counselor/psychologist can help you see that. I actually saw a show where one of the exercises they did was get a huge paper (butcher paper?) and draw their idea of what they think their outline would be. Then, they have someone actually draw the outline of their body as they lie on the paper and they can see the difference. That's just one thing they might do...

Also, it's not just muscle weight that could be the culprit to weight gain on the scale. Water retention could make a big difference in how much you weigh. I suggest using a pair of jeans maybe and keep in mind that during certain times of the month, your weight will be higher due to hormonal/water fluctuations.

No, it's not muscle gain. You are under eating too much and you are likely losing muscle. When you under eat for a long period of time and then start eating a bit more (even if it's not enough still), it can wreak havoc on your body/water weight/hormonal levels. This is why underweight women with eating disorders often freak out when they first begin recovery.

You really need to get psychological help because you have an unhealthy body image. I'm afraid you are getting close to going down the anoxic path. Please see your doctor and get help. You don't need to lose any more weight.

I agree that you need to get psychological help, and it is good that you recognize that. To be told "don't worry about it" is certainly not helpful. You need a professional who *understands* and knows how to provide the help you need. I hope you can find this.

Thanks for everyone's input. I knew I had some unhealthy ideas about food/body image, but didn't realise it was that bad. I was reading some posts online about changing eating habits after undereating, and some of the girls who had suffered anorexia were saying things that really summed me up. It's scary, maybe it's the reality kick I need.

I think I really need to get it into my head that I won't get huge if I eat closer to 2000 calories, providing I am upping my intake with healthy foods. Also that I probably will gain a few pounds until my metabolism gets back on track. I've spoken to my mum a bit more, and she's been really understanding and has said she'll help me fight these demons. I also think it might be a good idea to stop weighing myslef for a little bit, maybe a month, so I don't get too hung up on the number and try to break that habit.

I'm glad you're re-evaluating your thoughts on this, velvetrose! I'm also glad your mom is supporting you. You're doing a wonderful act of self-loving in taking actions to make sure your weight/body goals are healthy for you.

It still might be good to reach out to a professional resource outside your family - someone that's a complete expert in this and can be a big help to you.

One thing that may be valuable to re-consider moving forward is whether it's the number on the scale that matters most, or how you look. Lifting heavy objects - when done in conjunction with an eating plan rich in healthy calories - might help you achieve a healthy body in a way that severe restriction cannot. Building muscle (which can't be done without adequate caloric intake) can make one appear slimmer. The scale may go up, but your clothing sizes would go down.

Anyway, good idea to put the scale away for a bit and re-evaluate. Good luck to you.

Yeah, I think it's more important for me to be happy with how I look and feel. Like I said, it's my stomach that really gets me - I hate how I look side-on, my lower stomach just looks so fat to me. I have been trying to do some weights and core exercises to improve that, with some cardio to burn the fat. But perhaps I'm not eating enough to burn fat - maybe my body is just holding on to it all.
I have some daft fear of going over 8 stone .. but maybe if I'm able to get healthier and start liking how I look a little bit more without weighing myself, when I do get on the scales if I'm heavier I won't freak out so much.

OK, it sounds like your issue is you are within and under goal weight, but you're not able to stabilise your weight? Have you tried setting structure for what you eat each day? Not too rigid, but, like: Fruit, grain and a dairy for breakfast; protein, grain and a veggie for lunch; protein, veggie and a fruit for dinner. That one may not be totally balanced--but you know what I mean--if you're balancing your intake, day-to-day, you shouldn't have big fluctuations.

People fluctuate a pound or two all the time - sometimes 5-10 lbs, if it's their time of month. Not eating enough calories makes things harder, both because you lose muscle and so don't burn as many calories by existing, and because your metabolism slows. It also saps your energy which make excercise harder. you'd probably do a lot better taking the advice that's been given here, put away the scale, eat more, and go see a doc and a councellor. Also, you might get a more objective view of what you look like if you go to http://www.mybodygallery.com/index.html . The thing is, when we look at ourselves, we look with a magnifying glass - we don't like "that" roll, or *that* bit there, or the way things pucker or fill out or aren't flat. No one else sees us like the sum of all these little bits we like to get upset about - they see the whole person. It's a good idea to learn a bit of objectivity to help improve body image.

http://www.mybodygallery.com/index.html

Wow! This totally changed my idea of the scale and what the scale means to me, as well as what I ACTUALLY look like. Thank you so much for posting this!

just let yourself be
 

gain the weight
dont worry
your body knows best

You are extremely thin for your height and while I can totally understand that an upward movement of the scale is not what you want to see, does 5 or 6lbs really make that much of a difference? It's not worth obsessing over and once you start you can get into an eating disorder mentality. I've seen people at 5'2" and 120lbs that are rock solid (muscle) and tiny. Maybe your body is just adjusting? Sometimes when you play with your calories or change up your workouts you retain fluid which will eventually go away. Just drink lots of water :)

You definitely need to eat more. And your weight might go up a bit at first. It's probably water. What you could try and do would be to increase your calories gradually. Going from 1000 or 1200 to 1800 or 2000 calories is pretty dramatic. But what if you upped your calories by 100 every few weeks or even every month. So eat 1200 for a month, then eat 1300 for a month, then 1400... until you're at a good place for your weight, height and age. :). Your AMR (active metabolic rate) will give you an idea of what you need to eat to maintain your weight if you just live your life and don't incorporate any exercise into it. If you exercise you would add in those calories as well.

You very well could just be a naturally thin person whose body is comfortable at a low weight for your height. As long as you are eating healthy I would let your body do what it is going to do and see where it's happiest.

And if abs are your main concern then you should be focusing on 1) body fat % and 2) what you're eating. High sodium foods are going to cause you to retain water (so think anything that's overly processed) and not working could mean that despite the fact that you are thin, your body fat percentage isn't ideal. Incorporating some weight training or resistance training into your days could have a big impact on how your body looks.

But I seriously would not even think about losing weight right now. Get your calories to a good, stable place, add in some exercise and make sure you're eating minimally processed foods. Good luck :)

Read this book
 

"Intuitive Eating" by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. Read this book. It will not tell you to eat more. It will not tell you to eat less. It will not tell you what to eat. It may expose you to new ideas if you haven't thought of them on your own or already heard of them. It will give you encouragement and hope. Read this book in addition to seeking professional advice and support, and use this book to help you choose the right kind of professional advice and support for you.

Another thing - a lot of what bugs slender people about their bodies isn't actually fat, it's a bit of fleshiness here and there caused largely by not being fit, or by a misunderstanding of what real people look like, or some combination of the two. I suggest that if you really have bits you're not so keen on, like your tummy, you start doing resistance training of some kind (sit ups, crunches, weights, pushups, etc.) It doesn't take long, and can be very effective. But, you will have to eat more to make it work - your muscles can't rebuild if you don't feed them! And, you will have to get used ot the idea that muscle weighs more so you will weigh a bit more, but you will get the look you want. Also, if your body image isn't reasonable, you will never be happy no matter what you do. No one looks like a super model, including the super models. We hear this a lot, but you can really see it in this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hibyAJOSW8U . And this one too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05c0jd66Xns. Wrinkles, fleshy bits, rolls, blemishes, muffin tops are all routinely deleted in fashion, but even those models who are making it their job to be 'beautiful' have those 'imperfections'. It's just how bodies are, and you are setting yourself up for nothing but misery and disappointment if that is the standard you want to achieve.

I just want to pop in here and say that at 5'4, 111 pounds is not necessarily "anorexic" or automatically a reason to sound the alarm. We don't know her frame, her ethnic background, or if she's really 5'4 (not that you are lying OP, it's just that a lot of people round up their height automatically). I know people who are 5'4 and 111 pounds and are perfectly healthy - PHYSICALLY.

At one point I was 5'6 and 120 lb, even got down to 110 lb and I was definitely not anorexic or had an eating disorder. I was young, and super fit and had a great metabolism. Honestly.

What I will agree with is that your diet sounds kinda... well, not nutritious. I think you are focusing on the wrong thing here - you are focusing on calories whereas a better start may be to look at the nutritional value of your meals.

Fruit can get high in calories, but it's not necessarily bad nutritionally for you. So if you are focusing on calories and eat a lot of fruit that might look high to you.

You could try omitting the treats/coco puffs for breakfast and incorporating some more protein. That will fill you up for longer. Instead of soup all the time why don't you try a big dark green leafy salad with some protein? Instead of spaghetti for dinner maybe try some brown rice and veggies instead?

I would start with changes like that, look more into nutritional value and stop focusing so much on calories. Because really, you could have a 200 calorie snack and it could be completely devoid and empty of any nutrition - or it could be PACKED FULL of nutrition. That's your choice.

I believe once you start focusing on nutritional value your choices will get better, and your body will maintain itself at a weight that is healthy for you.

Sounds a bit like my 16-yo daughter. She's 5'7" and weighs 112 pounds, and she definitely doesn't have an eating disorder. She eats well over 2,000 cals per day, some of it healthy and more of it not so healthy. She LOOKS like she's athletic and fit, but she's not. I'm hoping she changes her ways before time catches up to her... (and yes, we've talked about it).

F.

Haha actually I rounded down a little - I am so close to 5'5, and determined to be that tall one day ... haha!

I know maybe that write up didn't sound like it, but I do think (on the whole) my choices aren't too bad. When I have soup it's always fresh or home made, with lots of veggies in, and I will always have some kind of veg with every meal (apart from breakfast). I must say coco pops are a sin of mine lol - usually I will have fruit and yoghurt, but sometimes I can't resist lol. I try to have brown/whole grains where I can, but it can be tricky as I'm wheat intolerant, so I'm a little limited there. I don't eat much bread, but try to eat my ptato skins and choose brown rice if I can. I am probably guilty of choosing snacks that might have the calories but don't have the nutrition, though.

I am really trying to have healthy meals and not focus on the calories too much (well, saying that I am trying out 1400-1500 at the moment, and I am terrified of gaining weight but I realise it's probably a healthier amount of food). I have had probiotic yoghurt with a variety of fruit, oat bran and almonds for breakfast all this week. Lunches have been vegetable/tomato/chicken soup (the one-of-your-5-a-day kind) and sesame ryvitas. Snacking on fruit in the afternoon, dinners I've had baked potato with cottage cheese, ham, green beans and sweetcorn, spaghetti carbonara (the kind just with bacon, egg and parmesan, no creamy sauce) and salad, and tonight I had a bowl of home-made beef casserole (lots of veggies) with a bread roll (instead of potato). In the evenings my snacks aren't as good, stuff like yoghurt or a chocolate mousse, and still having a light hot chocolate. I always have an apple and a couple of ginger oat biscuits before bed. I think that's a bit better?

My exercise is always slightly limited - I am recovering from chronic fatigue syndrome/ME so I have to be careful how much I do. I probably average 90 minutes of cardio (sometimes walking, treadmill, bike, cross trainer.. depends on what works around my week! Mostly brisk walking though) a week, and I try to do some stomach/core exercises morning and night. I do 15 crunches (the kind where you lift your legs too), 15 press ups, and 30 seconds of plank per side and facing downwards (make sense? lol!). I'll do 3 rounds of the plank exercises in the evenings. I am trying to weight machines when I'm at the gym to work on my core/back, but I only have access to that once a week during term time.

I am hoping that my body will be able to adjust and my weight will stabilise after a while of upping my eating. I am so scared about not weighing myself, especially with christmas so close, but I don't think I can crack this until I stop focusing on that number. I hope that if I eat more and a better balanced diet, maybe I won't crave those naughty things so much - or will start allowing them in moderation throughout the week, rather than feeling deprived by the weekend and going overboard.

Some of those pictures and videos helped a bit, though I still can't help think most of them have better stomachs lol! Doesn't help that I'm flat chested so doesn't balance out I guess! My dad joked about how people who are nutritionally starved have very distended stomachs, and maybe I should eat more. He very much thinks I should eat more, but it's difficult to get it onto my head I might look slimmer by eating more. It goes against everything you think!