You know that you are doing the best you can do right now... so, keep up the hard work!

I can totally understand why you felt that way. I would have felt that way too. But as Joss pointed out, it's all in the eye of the beholder. They were talking about THEMSELVES, not about you.

When I weighed 344 pounds I would have given just about anything to weigh under 200 pounds. And I would get on these forums and see people referring to themselves as "gross" and "huge" and "disgusting" when they weighed 150 pounds and I used to get SO UPSET. I was like "are you fricking kidding me??!!"

And then I got down to 125 and could not get past there to my goal of 119. And I was so frustrated that I couldn't lose the last few pounds and so I complained. That DIDN'T mean I was judging ANYONE BUT MYSELF for the weight. I was all about me, and my issues.

And if these women are complaining it's their issue, not yours. You do you and work on your self-esteem and confidence so that when you drop weight - AND YOU CAN DO IT GIRL! - you will be confident and happy and not need to b!tch about being fat when you aren't!

Huge!

Jen

Thank you all for your input. I think that from reading everyone's comments I learned four things.

1. I shouldn't spend any time thinking or worrying about what someone else says. It's a distraction from my own goal. And staying the course is what is important. Being fit and healthy is going to take a long time as well as a lot of effort, but it is worth it.

2. Maybe they actually are unhappy with their bodies. That seriously never occurred to me. I've always thought that once I reach that magic number (be it a scale or dress size) that I would just automatically be happy. But having to actually consider that it's possible not to be happy and yet still look spectacular makes me think that it's not just about the weight. It's definitely about the emotional baggage that I'm carrying around. And that in addition to my workout sessions and my calorie counting, I should be learning how to value and love myself as well.

3. Even if I encounter someone who is indeed trying to discourage me or embarrass me, that's *their* hangup. I should be happy that I'm not so petty as to need to put someone else down to make myself feel better.

4. I shouldn't completely discount my own efforts simply because other people are able to hold a seemingly impossible gravity defying, chin-up, knee tuck pose. Since this is the first time I've ever consistently worked out, ever, I should be nicer to myself about it. I shouldn't be spending my time comparing myself to other people. Especially people who are not very happy anyway.


Again, thank you all. It has really helped me change my attitude from yesterday. I was flippin' miserable, but now I've gotten past it. And I'm ready (ugh, sorta) for another butt kicking session next Tuesday. ;)

Originally Posted by JossFit:
Terry Silva - My apologies, I was paraphrasing. You seemed to imply that these women were automatically shallow for caring about what their bodies look like; "

"...beauty is only skin deep! that's probably why they whine about being 'fat' because if you take away the physical they're left with what lies beneath, and it doesn't sound like it's much :smug:"

Learning 2 Live - I see what you are saying, but again, it's all perspective. I have lost nearly 70 pounds and I would consider that to be quite a bit. I am one of those women who can do an absurd amount of pullups, lift olympic style, do crossfit and hardly have an ouce of fat to pinch either. I worked very hard for it, and I STILL have my issues and insecurities. Again, it's all in the eye of the beholder.

My whole point was that I doubt they were trying to hurt you intentionally and generally when those women complain about how they look they are GENUINELY complaining because they are unhappy with something, not for attention.

Regardless, your title is what struck me; why should you have to be 'stronger'? It sounds like you're incredibly strong already and so dedicated! That is real strength. You are still human and obviously a caring sensitive person and you can't help if you are upset or offended by something. Don't feel ashamed or embarassed for your emotions on top of being hurt.

If anything, consider yourself fortunate that you have a bit more wherewithall than to discuss issues like that publicly. I think discussing weight in public is a bit taboo regardless of what someone's size is.

Fair enough :)

It's tough. It really is. I know where you've been and how horrible it is to stand there when normal-weighted people complain about their bodies. I remember wanting to just crawl in a hole and die because if they all thought they were fat, what about me?

Thing is, you probably didn't even register on their radar. They're so focused on themselves and the topic at hand (their bodies) that they can't see beyond that. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but just know it isn't about you or a reflection on you—they've just got hangups about their bodies like everyone else.

Originally Posted by Learning 2 Live:

2. Maybe they actually are unhappy with their bodies. That seriously never occurred to me. I've always thought that once I reach that magic number (be it a scale or dress size) that I would just automatically be happy. But having to actually consider that it's possible not to be happy and yet still look spectacular makes me think that it's not just about the weight. It's definitely about the emotional baggage that I'm carrying around. And that in addition to my workout sessions and my calorie counting, I should be learning how to value and love myself as well.

I bolded that last sentence because it's extremely important. Learning to love yourself is much more important than what the scale says! Getting to that point really helped me lose weight because I didn't hate myself thin—I got fit and lost weight as another form of self-love.

Even then, it's entirely possible to have hangups about your body regardless of what you weigh. I do right now, but I really don't see the point in complaining about them :lol: I too, always thought that getting down to a normal weight would mean insta-happiness, but I've since learned that that isn't the case. There's always going to be problem areas, there's always going to be SOMETHING I don't like, but I can just learn to accept and love myself and realize that I'm much more than my body.

At first I used to feel disturbed by such conversations too, but then I realized it was all in the eye of the beholder, and after losing weight, guess what... I became exactly the same as those girls (well, in a way).

I know it's not easy to put things into perspective, especially when we're at a moment when we weigh a lot, but we all see our weights differently. If I had been thin and never over 110 lbs all my life, and suddenly I realized I was at 135ish, I'd most certainly find myself "fat" and "gross". Conversely, since the last time I was "thin" was probably when I was 7 or 8 years old, I've always seen myself as "fat", and *now*, at my current weight which is in a perfectly normal, average range for my size, I still have a hard time considering myself "normal". It takes accidentally walking past a mirror or a window and catching a look of myself for me to think "hey, nice thin girl there in... oh, wait, that's ME". It's called body dysmorphism, if I'm not mistaken. We perceive ourselves as we used to be, not as we are now.

Anyway, that was just to say that, for what it's worth, maybe those women bickering about their apparently normal weights have also battled with that for years, and thus still see themselves as 'fatter'. (And I also like tellking myself that maybe, just maybe, if I had thought "I'm fat, enough, I need to do something about it NOW" at 130 lbs instead of waiting for reaching almost 170, losing the weight would've been less hard. ^^; )

It's hard. I worked at a high school in Japan and all these literally 90 lb teenage girls were saying "This year I want to lose 10 kg" - and I thought "from where?!?!?!?!"

The important thing to take away is, I think, that their insecurities are 100% unrelated to you or your goals or your size, and no one who isn't a gigantic asshat would ever intentionally try to make you feel bad about yourself.

re:
 

Yeah sometimes just ranting makes you feel better. Hopefully that helped you.

Some people are going to complain about anything and everything. They're in a gym, so they complain about fitness. I'm sure if you were all in a salon, they'd be complaining about hair even if they all had beautiful hair.

Try not to take it personally. I know, easier said than done.

Originally Posted by Learning 2 Live:
I didn't say I was one, I said I was one to *them*. At any rate, I'm not sure how this perspective is supposed to make their comments less offensive.

You can only be offended if you choose to be. Rather than taking their comments personally, remember that people are far more shallow and self absorbed than to care about the issues of others - they're busy in their world, you're busy in yours, and unless they actually directed the comments at you it would benefit you to let it roll off your back. You WERE bigger than them, and still doing the same tough class. THAT'S AWESOME! It says a lot about your abilities and I'd personally focus on being proud of my accomplishment than wasting mental energy feeling inferior.

You're not hurting them by focusing on that, you're just hurting you. It takes some time and practice, but taking such comments to heart when they're not even directed at you is a quick way to make yourself miserable. Don't do that to yourself, it isn't worth it.

:hug: I'm very sorry that you had one of those moments!

Originally Posted by Learning 2 Live:
2. Maybe they actually are unhappy with their bodies. That seriously never occurred to me. I've always thought that once I reach that magic number (be it a scale or dress size) that I would just automatically be happy. But having to actually consider that it's possible not to be happy and yet still look spectacular makes me think that it's not just about the weight. It's definitely about the emotional baggage that I'm carrying around. And that in addition to my workout sessions and my calorie counting, I should be learning how to value and love myself as well.

This struck me! If you would have told me when I started that I would be sitting here at 145 pounds and still feeling unsatisfied with my body and still having moments where I feel incredibly fat, I would have told you you were NUTS!!! I HONESTLY though getting just into the 160s would thrill me beyond all belief!!!

The above statement I just made has nothing to do with the women that made you feel bad, as I don't know them, their intentions, their histories or anything else. Just sharing my own personal issue.

Again, sorry that you left that class feeling bad!

Originally Posted by LockItUp:
:hug: I'm very sorry that you had one of those moments!

This struck me! If you would have told me when I started that I would be sitting here at 145 pounds and still feeling unsatisfied with my body and still having moments where I feel incredibly fat, I would have told you you were NUTS!!! I HONESTLY though getting just into the 160s would thrill me beyond all belief!!!

The above statement I just made has nothing to do with the women that made you feel bad, as I don't know them, their intentions, their histories or anything else. Just sharing my own personal issue.

Again, sorry that you left that class feeling bad!

I'm actually glad I vented here, because it made me look at my issue in a different way. And I, like you, thought I would be happy in the 160s (hence my goal weight). It's hard to love everything about yourself when you've been spending so much time comparing yourself to others. And you know what? There will always be someone else taller than, shorter than, thinner than, bigger boobs than, has prettier hair than.... you. You can't be Babealicious Maximus. And I should intrinsically know this. Because even when I look at celebrities, I don't think any of them are truly perfect. To create the perfect body, I'd take this girl's legs, this girl's boobs, this other girl's butt, this other girl's eyes, this random chick's ears... and so on. The goal isn't to be perfect. It's to accept the uniqueness of yourself while trying to be the best YOU that you can be.

:)

Originally Posted by angieand2girls:
This really puts it into perspective.

For sure! I actually said to a co-worker once -- can't even remember why the conversation came up now about weight -- that she had no clue how awful it was to be so overweight and how hard to lose it. She is gorgeous and has a beautiful figure. She then informed me that she had once weighed about 100 pounds more and lost it, and knew *exactly* what it was all about.

The women WERE rude to talk like this in front of a bigger person, but probably just totally thoughtless.

To the OP... it's okay to have your cry; we've all been there. Then just forget it and move on. You are doing great!!