Losing my committment
 

I need to vent a little bit about my frustration with this feeling of losing my committment to weight loss. I haven't lost it yet-but I can definitely feel it wavering.

For the last six months I've been extremely dedicated to losing weight-the most I've ever been in my life. But about two months ago, I started a new job that keeps me very busy and can be mentally exhausting, plus requires that I travel alot. Since that time, my focus hasn't been on my weight loss. Somehow, I've still managed to lose (thank God) but last night I kind of had a break down and wanted to just give up. I'm just tired-I'm having a hard time juggling everything and I dont know how much longer I'll be able to keep it all going.

I knew that when I started this job it would be tough. My old job allowed me the flexibility to really focus on my weight loss. Not so much with this job.

I just wanted to vent and perhaps know if any of you have been going through something similar and how you keep yourself dedicated to losing weight despite life and all of its obstacles. I know its just a matter of "doing it" but sometimes that's just easier said than done...

You have had a fantastic loss, ask yourself it you want to regain that weight and start all over.

Bargoo-your comment just hit me like a ton of bricks. But in a totally good way. I never put it in that perspective. And the answer is no-I would definitely not like to start all over. Haha Thank you for commenting and helping me realize something I didn't before. :hug:

First, a big hug for you!! You sound just completely overwhelmed!

I would suggest either a maintenance break (longer-term, follow your plan but adjust to maintain weight rather than to lose) or a diet break (shorter-term, no plan, possibly harder to get back on the wagon).

When I was about 6 months in, I went on vacation, and I took the week off. Even though I wasn't logging (I'm a calorie counter) I was still mindful of hunger signs and portion size, and I went on long walks. When I got home, I was relaxed, refreshed, and ready for the next stretch.

The reality is that you have a lot of weight to lose (me too!) and most people have a difficult time sticking to anything weight-loss related for more than a few weeks/months. You've done so great being so focused for this duration and you've achieved a lot! You are stronger than you believe!

It is difficult to juggle the rigors of daily life and the focus on losing weight. All the effort and planning that goes into losing weight is stressful and a sizable task. And now you have a new job that is more rigorous. There's going to be a period of adjustment to find your groove in your life. Can you define how the job is complicating your weight loss efforts? Does it take away time from working out? Is it messing with your sleep cycle? Do people at work mess with your eating plan? Or is it a heightened level of stress that affects you throughout your day? Change of patterns are stressful and while you were in a great weight loss groove before, changing it up will mess with your head. I believe that thinking about what stresses you the most and creating a plan to deal with the stress will be most helpful. Having the plan of attack supports you emotionally and then you may not feel so much the victim of the stress. Feeling like a victim of circumstance drains your confidence and your forward momentum. And it's only a feeling, but darn it, those feelings can have so much power over us!

In my experience, taking a break from the diet portion of my plan wasn't the answer. It really is difficult for me to get back on track. Not impossible, but it just takes me a lot longer to get back on track. For every week I'm off plan, it takes me a month to find my groove again. I let myself indulge while on vacation in June and I'm only just now getting back on track fully. Now we're into the Holidaze season and I have decided that I can't afford to get off track with all the eating events coming up. I'm sticking to my eating plan on Thanksgiving Day (very low carbs for me, so turkey, healthy fats and non-starchy veggies only) and no holiday treats. Also keeping a limit to alcohol. And I really am okay with that. I know it's not for everyone. And I still need to exercise daily, an hour of Pilates (because that just makes me feel so good and I need the positive emotional effects I get from it), some weight training (spilt routine six days a week) and cardio (indoor rowing for 30 minutes every day). And then there's the emotional support that I get from posting at 3FC and other support groups I belong to online, plus the team of friends and healthcare professionals I put together who support my health goals. I'm accountable to them all and it helps a lot.

I wish you strength in your convictions! You can do this! I know this because you've already been doing it! You are a warrior! RAWR!!!

This happens to all of as along these longer journeys, as far as I've seen. We get to the point where we're not 'As fat' and look pretty good again, or the months of sameness make us a bit lax.

The other ladies nailed it - this is the real test of your commitment to this for life - do you give in and let it go, regaining weight; do you give yourself a maintenance break where you focus on not gaining but otherwise rest and take the focus off of losing; or do you find a new goal or aspiration to work on and recommit yourself with vigor to another health achievement?

You can regain, stay the same, or lose. The choice is all yours. But don't kid yourself that you can not put in at least some effort and expect to maintain, that way lies trouble!

Thank you all ladies for the advice-I always know this is the best place to turn to when I need support :)

I don't think taking a maintenance break is right for me-I know myself well enough to know that it will lead to a long term break and I will gain. But I definitely need to find my groove. I knew this was going to be a challenge two months ago-and I definitely don't want to give up. Just needed to get it out there.

idk if you did any journalling at the beginning of your journey, but if you did now would be a good time to go back and read them. If not, maybe you could visualize how you were back then, how uncomfortable you were physically, how you didn't want to do things because of your size. What was your breaking point that got you started this time? What were you sick and tired of? How much energy did you have? Did you have health concerns?

Also, you've had a big change in your life - maybe your diet plan needs a little revamp. It could be that things that worked well at your other job just aren't going to work now, and you need ot change your plan a bit to make it fit. For instance, maybe getting to the gym at lunch hour made sense at your old job, but it just can't be done at your new job. You can still excercise, just need to change the time or way you do it. You can do this, we're all behind you!

I don't understand how a busy job makes it difficult to lose weight when you have a lot to lose. I could see how a hectic inflexible schedule could make losing the last few vanity lbs problematic since there is very little wiggle room there but in your case you just need to make more good choices than bad ones.

I'm not trying to be unsupportive I'm just pointing out a simple fact that your diet is going to dictate your results and no matter where you are there are always going to be low calorie choices and high calorie choices. So while you might not be able to get in as much exercise as you would like you still have control over what goes into your mouth.

You've done fantastic thus far ... just keep on making good food choices, one meal at a time.

You have come so far. Don't give up now. You will be so disappointed in yourself if you gain the weight back.

I feel you. I switched jobs, and took on a pretty demanding one. It's not simple to switch from one way of being successful to a new way, but it can definitely be done.

I chose to go with a super simplified menu. I eat almost nothing that takes substantial preparation time. Pre-prepared chicken breast, tuna packets, fruits, raw veggies, Greek yogurt, protein bars and shakes. Some people can't tolerate such little variety. I find I thrive on it. It's a matter of finding what works for you, and then working it. It's NOT easy, but it can really be done.

I also sneak exercise in. I work on the fourth floor of a four-floor building. Three times a day, I go up and down one public set of stairs, circle the building to the other set of public stairs, go up and down those, and then circle the rest of the way to my office. On days when it's super hectic, that's about all the exercise I get, if you don't count things like calf raises and yoga poses while I review documents. (Except on exceptionally busy weeks, I do manage to get to the gym at least three times a week to do strength training. Cardio days are bonus.)

The sleep thing is killer for me. Sometimes I do decently on sleep. Other days, I get literally no sleep for a 40+-hour-period. And the scale does not cooperate well with me when I don't sleep. So, I just accept that I can't change it, and get sleep when I can.

It's not perfect. But if I continued to wait for perfect conditions, I would likely be where I started (or heavier) still.

I trust you will find a strategy that works for you.

I completely understand!

I'm also overwhelmed between work and school and I have no time.

JohnP -- It is a question of calories, but when you don't have time to cook (I am finding myself with very little time), it's hard. Especially for me, with PCOS and a more restricted diet with no wheat/gluten or dairy. A lot of the "fast" foods that I can make are limited and if I don't make time to cook and plan, then I don't make good food choices later because I'm left with fast unhealthy food at my disposal. I keep my exercise schedule, but that's a de-stressor for me, not a weight loss method.

Because I don't eat processed foods, I struggle to find the time. I've been cooking when I can and freezing a lot.

And to be honest, I've decided to maintain for now. I'm hoping that by February 2013, my schoolwork will be done and I can focus again on cooking and planning.

Today is a good example. I ended up working all afternoon, ate leftovers for lunch, didn't make dinner because I went to see family, came home and defrosted food. Then I realized I ate too many calories because I forgot to include lunch in my calculations... *sigh*

You have come such a long ways! Congrats! You can do this. Just remember how you felt at your starting weight and how you never wanna go back to that feeling again.

ive been in this spot for about a month and a half. losing is slow and i frequently end up re-gaining a lot of what i lose. ive been bouncing within the same few pounds for quite some time.

its so frustrating when you're trying so hard and not seeing any results. i definitely think that someone at my weight should be easily losing weight on 1300 calories/day and i get so annoyed that i keep working at it and nothing is happening.

i dont have any great advice, lol. i guess im actually being a downer but misery loves company, right?

I know it's hard but one thing you need to do is look at your ticker. Did you realize your half way there!!!!!!! No way can you quit now. Keep up the good work ((hugs))

Try not to be so hard on yourself ..you have come so far,please don't give up.
Weightloss should not become the focus of our life IN MY OPINION,it should be part of are life!
I feel we need to balance all the different parts of are life,school,work,family ,friends and when we concentrate on only one area that knocks off our equilibrium,make sense?
Life requires juggling and making adjustments to make things fit in a way that works for us.
What works for one person may be different for someone else.
Thought everyone has given you a lot of good suggestions..you need to figure out what's going to work for you.
Hey I freely admit from time to time I get overwhelmed it would be very easy to let myself off the hook but later there would be self loathing..soo I go on.
Good luck,:hug:Roo2:carrot::carrot::carrot:

I agree with most of what's already been said here. I think John simplified things a bit - his post is great in principle but not always doable if you have to travel a lot and rely on eating out. I totally agree with LaurieDawn. If you can stand it, limit your menu choices drastically. I eat the same breakfast and lunch most days. Fruit, yogurt, that sort of thing. Supper is the only question mark in my dietary day. Salads with left over chicken, tuna, or beef many week nights. Cooking is mostly done on the weekends.

And to say it one more time, just for impact, you know you don't want to regain, so just do whatever it is to keep that from happening. Good luck. And congratulations on your success so far. You're doing well.

Lin

I travel on business frequently. It's a real struggle. I try to order healthy food when possible but the best solution I've found is to stay out of restaurants unless absolutely necessary for business.I carry packets of protein shake mix and a shaker and I substitute that for 1 or 2meals per day. Often the nicer hotels have apples available at the front desk or breakfast buffet (but stay away from most everything else at the buffet). That way if I have to eat a lunch or dinner out it's not a disaster. That being said, I've never been able to do better than maintain when traveling

That is a crutch. Maybe we're talking about other countries but in America every possible place you're going to eat allows you to chose what you want to eat and no one forces you to eat everything.

There is a great app called Yelp that will tell you all the food places to eat where ever you're at. When I travel I start Yelping for where to eat before I am even check in.

I'm not saying it's easy because it's tempting when you're at a fast food joint to order the double bacon cheeseburger and large fries but the grilled chicken sandwich or salad might be a better choice.

Again, it's not as if the OP is trying to lose the last five lbs. I realize this makes me sound very insensitive but I'm just keeping it real. Unless the OP has some medical condition which complicates things we're only dealing with making more good choices than bad ones.

Then again, if you're looking for an excuse, you're sure to find one.

Honestly, I do think you're being kind of insensitive. The OP specifically said she's venting. Of course losing weight is really just about the math of having a calorie deficit over time, but just because something is simple doesn't make it easy. If it were easy obesity wouldn't be such a huge problem in this country. It's also a lot harder to stick to lower calorie limits like 1200 a day when eating out, even if you choose healthier options. And frankly women can't eat as much as men and still lose, generally speaking. Yes, it's doable, yes people do it, but the point of these boards is support. Sometimes it's hard. There's nothing wrong with admitting that. There's nothing wrong with struggling. The point is not to give up.

Would you agree support comes in different forms? I'm the tough love side of the support.

No kidding that obesity is a very complex subject. That's a bit of a red herring don't you think?

The subject at hand is the difficulty in losing weight in the face of a hectic work schedule. I agree it is more challenging. I agree it is also very possible.

Support need not become enabling. Sometime the kindest thing to do is help someone put things in perspective and be realistic. There are more and less tactful ways to do this, but support doesn't mean just telling someone the nicest thing you can think of, or exactly what they want to hear.

In the case of weight loss, that can be more cruel than kind. Determination and grit is what it takes to maintain and move forward, not flowers and kisses ;)

If you're staying at a hotel for a few days and can eat there mostly, often times they are happy to accommodate special diets. You can ask them to make you low cal (or low carb, or whatever) healthier meals, and they will often be able to help. Many restaurants are happy to accommodate as well, even if it is not clear from the menu that they will - you just have to ask.

ETA: On the subject of how to support someone, blowing smoke up their butt is clearly not helpful, but neither is telling someone who just told you they are having a problem that they shouldn't have a problem. The question isn't whether the problem is valid or complicated - the fact is they are having it and need help. If you aren't going to be respectful of the fact that this is challenging for them, you are not being helpful.

This was my thought too. From everything I have read on 3FC it's calories over exercise.

Keep up the good work, OP. :)

JohnP, I am sorry for how I said my last comment. I was upset about what I considered a lack of tact on your part...and then I expressed that tactlessly myself. I recognize that that is rather hypocritical. I do think tough love can be helpful. I remember one such comment from a friend that helped me a lot. It was years ago and I weighed a good bit more than I do now. I kept complaining about how I looked, on some level wanting someone to reassure me, and he called me on it, and basically said that if I didn't like how I looked I should do something about it. Well, he was right, and not long after I did.

But I have also had people who were judgmental when I was doing the work, and that was not at all helpful to me.

I feel like saying something is a crutch or someone is making excuses veers from the helpful tough love over to the judgmental. That's how it is to me, but I realize that for some people, maybe that is helpful. But I agree with scoutycat's comment that it's not helpful if it isn't respectful of the fact that it's hard for them.

But I know I took this too personally. I am not the OP and you weren't talking to me. I responded the way I did because comments like the ones you made have been bad for me when people have made them to me.

No apology needed. You're entitled to your opinion and I didn't feel your comment was hypocritical. The only thing I would ask you to understand is that I'm not judging. I'm not in the slightest way judging anyone and I'm about the least judgemental person you're likely to meet.

I'm simply pointing out the reality of the situation. Calling an excuse and excuse doesn't mean I'm judging their choices. Just pointing out that a choice exists.

I know it's not easy. No one needs to tell me about the realities of a busy job schedule. I know how it goes. I didn't get to 300 lbs by accident. You're so busy working you don't take a break to eat and before you know it you can eat a house. I would be driving home at 11:00 PM and hit Jack in the box and drop about 2000 calories then do it all over the next day and don't even get me started on the drinking to "relieve stress" ...

Hey, other Florida-ess. I want to laud you for how far you've come. I am mere days into deciding I want to do this thing and changing so many of my behaviors. It is mind-boggling for me to look at the world I have built myself around food and my globby heaviness ... I don't even have a concept of what a lighter, slenderer me will feel or look like - but I'm psyched to be headed in that direction!

I echo others in remembering why we are here doing what we do - I want change, and I bet you must've wanted it too! I know that I don't have any solutions for you, being a newcomer. I hope you're happier to weigh less than you used to - that your ticker has moved a lot from its origins - and that some part of what you dreamed of when you began this journey has come to pass.

I have *lots* of times when I need to vent like mad before I can get up the .... oomph to take my next steps. Sometimes my "thumb-sucking sessions" or sharing frustration with friends is actually what allows me to gather my energy together again and give it another go. For me, when I run out of my own steam, I have to ask for divine help. I have made other huge changes in my life over the years and on many occasions when I feel like I can't do it, I ask for benevloent powers to step in and give me energy.

Thanks. I think different people are different in what works for them as far as support, and I lost sight of that. For me hearing about someone else's struggles and that they pushed through and did it anyway is definitely helpful.

Weight loss is simple, not easy. It's easy to know the path but choose to stray down another one. Everyone here has struggles and bumps in the road and we all understand.

That said, it's easy to make an excuse. **** I did it too. That's why I was fat for so long despite exercising all the time.

Sometimes a kick upside the head is what we need to get us going.

Also, maybe, if you're breaking down and having difficulty with this job that is isn't a good position for you? I just recently quit my job because of difficulties with it (stress, but also safety issues) and I wasn't even having trouble maintaining my weight! It's been freeing to leave, but now I have the stress of finding another job...again.

Sometimes we also need to weigh what's important in our lives. If losing weight isn't as important as say, your job, then that's fine, but realize it'll be on the backburner. For me, my family and friends were more important than my job (and they always will be) as are exercising and eating healthy. My job basically wanted me to sacrifice all my free time and I wasn't willing to do that. It was my career, but not my life.

sontaikle, for what it's worth, I think you made a good call. I know job hunting sucks, though. Good luck. =-)

When I had times like I felt my commitment just wasn't there... I would switch things up a bit... I would do a meal delivery service for a few weeks, so I didn't have to put all that energy into thinking about what I was going to eat, not to mention all the time spent shopping and cooking... it really worked great when I was working 60+ hours week and I just couldn't face all of that... I would also do things like commit to a series of something like yoga classes or some sort of fitness or aerobics classes for like 4 weeks and do that once a week... Something I wouldn't normally do... It would really help in getting me motivated again...

I found when I made a good decision... It seemed to make the next good decision that much easier....

Going back to balancing work and being on a diet...

I struggle with this all the time. I travel a lot for work, so my issues are not because I'm working 14 hours at home, because I can even find my frozen foods and eat "healthfully" at home. I just need to find the time to cook the food in the first place in order to freeze. I had more time before, but now I have some deadlines that I simply can't move, so I just haven't had the time at home to do this.

But for work? It is almost impossible to eat healthy in some of these business trips that I attend. No, the issue isn't the fast food -- I wish! I don't like the taste of it and I would easily handle a trip to McD's if that's all I had to face. The issue I struggle with is the fancy restaurants and the entertaining of clients! It's the bottle of wine (even though I do decline more often than not because it simply doesn't sit well with me anymore), it's the three or four course meals that I can't possibly turn down because it's rude in a client environment. Yes, I pick the healthiest options when I can, but it doesn't take away the fact that I am eating more calories than I normally consume AND I am not going to my exercise classes because I'm in a hotel.

I do try to find hotels with gyms, to go walk on the treadmill, but walking is not the same as a spinning class.

Top that off that during the day, when I'm in meetings, I can't pop out my apple and cashew butter snack, because it's rude. So, I hold my hunger, then when dinner or lunch comes around, I'm starving and when I'm super-hungry, I don't make the best choices.

I get super hungry because my blood sugar starts crashing and I have a hard time balancing it with the food I eat out in restaurants because even the healthiest options can have hidden sugars (which make my IR go crazy) that I didn't account for. Or I just make bad choices because I'm starving because I didn't eat anything all afternoon.

These are not excuses not to lose weight. But what I am try to convey is that isn't always so black and white. Some people do lose better when they are traveling or working long hours because their food options are restricted -- they can't graze all day. Others suffer because, like me, they need to eat regularly in order to maintain their blood sugars stable in order to make good decisions later. And vice versa -- the grazer suffer when work is in a lull or their back home because they can graze all day, and I don't suffer because I can manage my food intake better.

I think it's better to understand what drives us to eat or not eat in these scenarios and to make decisions accordingly.

Yes, it will be at some level that the calories you take in have to be offset by the ones that you burn in order to maintain weight and a deficit in order to lose weight.

But it's also about what you're willing to do or not do in order to reach that.

I'm in maintenance because I decided that meeting my deadlines was more valuable than finishing the rest of the weight I have to lose. And that's okay. That's a valid choice if the OP wants to make it. Many people here and elsewhere have taken "maintenance breaks" for this and other reasons and it's okay. Even if you've only lost 15 lbs.

I've taken plenty of maintenance breaks because my body doesn't like losing in a straight line. As long as you don't gain it back, it's good practice to learn how to maintain your current weight.

We can do tough love support, but let's do it when we know it's needed, rather than automatically because you think the OP is being weak or a wimp about weight loss. We don't know that yet (or do we...?).