For those of you who have regained a lot of what you lost...
How did you get back on track? What was it that finally made you stop before you put it all back on again? And if you put it all back on and even possibly more, what was it that gave you the strength to get back into it and start losing again? You don't have to read my story....you can just skip it and answer these questions if you don't mind.
I have been really struggling since May of this year. I quickly put on a lot of weight. I got back on track a few times, but due to some serious personal issues that I won't bore you with, I managed to put on a lot of weight again. The crazy part of it was my ticker! I thought that if I don't change it, I'll get back to that number so I left it at a slight gain; I left it at 162. I'm embarrassed to admit this because I felt like a fraud when I did show up here.
About a week ago, after major binge eating on Halloween candy and a whole lot of other things, I one day decided to get on the scale. It said that I was at 187 lbs. Normally, had I been heading in a downward trend, I would have been ok with that number of course, but I was really shocked at how quickly I put on the weight. It's not like I didn't know though! That's another crazy thing. I knew that my clothes weren't fitting me at all and I was wearing nothing but workout clothes (another lie since I wasn't working out but they were the only stretchy things I had really).
That number on the scale that I had been trying to pretend wasn't there was suddenly staring straight at me and showing me the reality of the situation. Yes, I consider myself to be a food addict and I do have a binge eating disorder and I do have lots of struggles in my life that are out of the norm (I'm in chronic pain but I promised not to bore you!). But, the fact remains that food wasn't solving my problems. In fact, it was exacerbating matters.
I don't know if something was wrong with my scale or the way I stood on it but after eating within my calories for one day, I dropped 9 lbs. I almost feel like it was gift for me to see that number of 187 because it scared me straight! And after doing this since Monday, I have gotten down to 175.5 (as of yesterday and I haven't weighed in this morning).
So I'm hoping that this is it chicks and roosters. I'm really hoping that my head is on straight and that I manage to make it to my goal weight. When I'm off track, I get very depressed and feel absolutely helpless and now, I finally have started to feel more in control and even some happiness and pride. What a nice feeling! I just need to really make sure I don't go off track during Thanksgiving time and basically until after the New Year.
Thanks so much if you read this! I just really wanted to get this off my chest.
Last edited by luckymommy; 11-09-2012 at 07:23 AM.
A few years ago I went down from 210 lbs (my lifetime high) to 155 lbs. Kept it off for about a year, then it slowly started creeping up. What got me back on track was stepping on the scale after a couple of years of flat-out denial. Seeing the figure, 195 lbs, gave me the reality check and motivation I needed.
I have similar stats to you, I was 180 over the summer, but couldn't get it to budge lower. I was training for triathlons and my nutritionist said I probably wouldn't lose weight while training.
Then summer ended, I forgot why I wanted to lose weight and just started waaaayyy over eating at night and eating junk (candy bars, chips, etc) 10 pounds (probably more) came back on in about a month. And then we had a hurricane so I cleaned out my fridge, and somehow that got me on track. My fridge didn't have junk in it, but somehow being sparse and sparkling made me really careful about what I wanted to fill it with. And I organized my pantry, and saw more healthy meal options.
Then I ran an obstacle course race, the same one I'd run in June, and I was so much slower and weaker and it jarred me back into thinking about my goals.
So, Monday I started with Sparkpeople again. I'm down 3 pounds so far, I think there's a lot of water weight to come off, and I'm back to light exercise and lifting my little weights.
How did you get back on track? What was it that finally made you stop before you put it all back on again? And if you put it all back on and even possibly more, what was it that gave you the strength to get back into it and start losing again?
I am sorry. I totally understand the whole feeling like a fraud thing because i have done the same thing before.
I am really connecting with your post alot. This is exactly what I am going through. I just blogged about it yesterday and am back.
In 2010 I was amazing. I got under 200lbs (yay ONEderland) and was on track doing everything the way I was supposed to. Then alot of bad stuff happened and stress & depression hit me and I fell.
In the end I ended up gaining back all that I had lost plus more....
A few times since I tried to get back into losing and none of them stuck. I would go for a week or so or a month and then it would just be pushed aside or forgotten. My heart and soul were just not into it, I could not find that momentum I once had.
I did manage to get down to about 215-210 where I bounced around. I think I was only not gaining because of how stressed I was that I wasn't always eating. I was in a really bad place
I have heard you have to hit rock bottom before you can see how bad it is and make a change. I think that is where I was and it just got so bad that I finally could look around and go omg I can't do this anymore and it gave me the energy to make the push I needed.
I think one of the hardest things is knowing how insanely easy it is to get off track and have all your hard work go poof. And then to not let it loom over you making you feel like you will just fail again or that it is just too hard.
I also think that the other times I tried to pick it back up I tried to jump right back in where I had left off and it kindof left me with this faint idea but without the planning and structure I needed. This time I am going back to the basics & trying to start fresh.
I have similar stats, too... the slap in the face for me was creep up, lose some, creep up some more, etc. When I realized I was 200 it was a wake up call... I'm just flat out determined. But I definitely understand the feeling. *hug* You can do it!
In '05/'06 I went from 193 pounds down to 142 pounds. Then in '06/'07 back up to 193, then a pregnancy in '08/'09, up to 236! Then down again to 193 but another pregnancy in '11 put me right back at 236 pounds.
Just this past March, at my all time non-pregnancy heaviest of 220 pounds I just decided I didn't have to be miserable in my own skin anymore, and that I lost weight before and I could surely do it again!
I think one of the hardest things is knowing how insanely easy it is to get off track and have all your hard work go poof. And then to not let it loom over you making you feel like you will just fail again or that it is just too hard.
Wow, that is so true. To the OP. I could have written your post. At this time last year, I was so HAPPY. I had hit my original goal of 160 and as on track to lose another 10lbs, even down to 154 at one point. Now, after a year of being on and off plan, I am 5 lbs heavier and I feel like I have wasted the last year.
Chin up dear, good thing you hopped back on plan before the gain was more.
I don't think there is anybody who needs to lose weight that hasn't been through this a bunch of times.
My breaking point was the realization that one more binge and I was going to hit 300 pounds.
What made it work this time, and I've been maintaining for a couple of years, is that I realized how many excuses I made and that I couldn't make them any more. I had to learn how to handle personal issues, work issues, stress issues, medical issues, without turning to food. It isn't easy, but when you have binge issues, it's the key to the whole thing. Turns out that thin people don't actually think an entire cake will make them feel better, and they're right.
Jump back on board and I'd look into a new scale. Unless you lost a limb overnight, losing 9 lbs. in one day probably points to a scale problem.
I've been at 250 most of my life, but managed to get down to 220 twice . . . once in 1995, once again in 2000. But each time I gained it all back.
And then there was the time I watched my relationship with my ex crumble when I moved out of state with him. I felt lonely and stranded, and was in denial over being on the receiving end of some emotional abuse. And then I got the news that my dad died! Sigh . . . somewhere around that time I realized I weighed 360. So that meant I'd gained over 100 pounds on top of already being 100 pounds overweight.
It was hard to face the fact that I was over 200 pounds overweight, that I'd let myself not only get over 300 pounds, but that I was well on my way to 400! I had trouble walking into the next room without being out of breath. I could barely tie my own shoes. I couldn't even wear jeans anymore because I couldn't find any stores that carried my size. I knew that I couldn't live in denial anymore and that things had to change. I bit the bullet and started buying veggies to make salads, I cut down on fast food, and fought often with my ex when I refused to cave into his well-established bad habits (misery loves company and it was harder for him to binge if I didn't join in with him).
I've been slowly working my way down since, maybe 20-40 pounds at a time before leveling off for a while and starting back up again. Somewhere along the way I ditched the ex, probably one of the best things I've ever done. I'd reached 285 by the time I moved to Vegas and pretty much started my life over with someone I'd met online. We eventually got married and my husband has been pretty supportive of my food and lifestyle choices, good or bad. I finally, finally managed to get into the 240's last summer, hitting a low of 243. Pretty major for me since it was only my third time since being an adult that I got anywhere under 250.
Then last fall, things went all to H3LL.
First of all, my car broke down, leaving me pretty much stranded. And as we were working on saving up to replace the engine, we got the call that my cousin was dying of cancer. We dropped everything and rented a car to make the drive to Illinois. While there, I also attempted to resolve some personal issues with my brother that had been building up for the past 8 years (I'm not even going to start on that but it's been insanely stressful). Oh, and we adopted a puppy while we were out there! And once I got back home, I wasn't even getting to live at home, I was a live-in babysitter for my husband's old boss while he went on a business trip to the other side of the country. So I was watching his kids while trying to housebreak the new puppy in a strange place. Housebreaking was especially difficult and I literally had to spend most of my time in the kitchen with her. Oh yeah, and then I found out why I was feeling so nauseous and drained all the time, I was pregnant (my first time)! And throughout all this I pretty much stopped caring about watching what I was eating.
My big Christmas present was getting my car fixed. I was finally able to start going back to my TOPS meetings, which I'd put on hold when I no longer had a way to get there. And I found out I'd gained over 20 pounds since the summer! I wasn't very far along with my pregnancy so I couldn't blame the gain entirely on that. I knew I was eating horribly, but I couldn't make myself care.
We hadn't been spending much time at home, and I felt bad we hadn't been spending much time with out cat. I felt he was acting rather lethargic, and on Christmas night my husband noticed blood in his litterbox. We took him into the vet the next morning, and later got the call that we had to put him to sleep. I felt absolutely miserable, he was only 6 years old and his kidneys had gone bad. I was hoping things would perk up a little when we drove to California in the middle of January to stay at my grandma and aunt's house, but the night before we were supposed to go back home I started bleeding. My husband rushed me to the ER, and I lost the baby while we were still in the waiting room.
I sort of coasted through the rest of January and all through February on autopilot. I'm not sure what pushed me over the edge, but on on Monday, March 5th, I decided it was time to do something about my weight. At this point I was all the way back up to 267.75, nearly 25 pounds up from the summer and only less than 18 pounds away from when I'd first moved to Vegas. I knew I couldn't just throw all that away, and I also knew I needed a healthier body if I ever wanted to try for another baby. So I bought a day planner and started writing all of my meals down in it. I've been on track ever since and have actually gotten down to the 230's; give me about 14 more pounds and I'll be at my lowest weight ever.
I know everyone finds their own way that works, but in my case it's that day planner. Keeping all of my food in writing helps me stay aware that I'm always making choices, and pushes me to make the right ones more often than not. I also track my weight with a chart to help me see the big picture. If I go up one week, it isn't absolutely devastating because I can look and see how my overall trend is doing. I plan for treats, I make sure I eat a lot of whole foods, I avoid added sugar and other refined carbs as much as possible. And it's going much better now than it ever has.
I realize bad things will always be happening, that there will always be stress, that there will always be temptations and excuses to binge. But I'm done with excuses, and I'm so over whining about how unfair it is that I have to watch what I eat (which personally, was probably my own biggest hurdle to overcome). I want that healthier body and I'm the only one that can make it happen, so I'm taking full responsibility for my actions.
Don't know if this post will help you at all, but I sure hope so! Good luck to you, you can do this! Set yourself up for success by cleaning out your fridge and pantry, take baby steps, set mini-goals, focus on all the positives that will come from eating the right things. And most importantly, realize that you're worth the effort of loving yourself. Once you get the ball rolling, it can be pretty hard to stop.
i lost 70 lbs in 09 and gained back 55 in ONE year!! i quit smoking for about 4 months and gained 30 lbs. then i just kept going...
it was SO impossibly hard to get back on track. i felt like such a failure and didnt see the point since i was sure id just gain it all back again. i dropped about 15 lbs in like 10 days once on a total crash diet which i obviously didnt maintain. gained all that back plus 10 more.
i got a new BF in march last year and swore to lose it again. he never said anything negative about my weight but i wanted to feel attractive. well, it took me til august to start. nothing fit me any more and i was uncomfortable all the time. ill admit im still wearing sweatpants too much although i have managed to get back into 3 pairs of my old "fat" jeans.
bottom line: i hated being fat more than i liked eating at that point. i was depressed all the time and was (and still am) scared to go out in case i should run into someone who i knew when i was thin...well, thinner anyway.
on august 5th i just went for it. i knew it was going to be horrible seeing all those numbers that id already lost on the scale again. im not scared im going to regain this time because im armed with more information. i didnt realize that it could come back SO fast, as stupid as that sounds. after i gained 10 lbs i was like, well.. 160 isnt bad.. my clothes still fit, etc etc. i kept cramming myself into those same clothes for like 10 lbs past when they even somewhat fit and fooling myself.
my boyfriend and my self esteem were my main motivation. i want to be attractive for him and for myself. being fat REALLY depresses me. i think that its all people see in me. im back on my way and even though i could just kick myself in the head for having to RE-lose all these lbs, i have to just accept that it is what it is and try to keep the guilt and "what if's" quiet in my head.
Last edited by juliastl27; 11-09-2012 at 12:55 PM.
I'm a little unusual, one of those morbidly obese women who has never been a yo-yo dieter. When I finally got fed up enough to realize something had to change, I lost weight.
And when I got mentally fatigued around 195 I just focused on not gaining for awhile. I regained a bit, just less then ten pounds, and hit my tolerance limit. That made me fired up again to correct what was wrong and continue down the scale.
The next significant break was for this pregnancy and I was enjoying the break to indulge cravings, but again I hit one of my tolerance thresholds I said I wouldn't cross, and got back on plan. That's my story be where I'm at now.
I set limit for myself I refuse to cross and never go unaccountable for any longer than a set amount of time (like a vacation, or spacing my weighins out a bit). That's non-negotiable in my mind. And thus, no matter how many breaks I've taken in this journey over the last four years, some by choice and some be necessity, I don't regain massive amounts of weight because I plainly refuse to let myself do it. Having firm boundaries that are wake up calls is what helps me. Ignorance is the enemy of maintenance.
I lost almost forty pounds earlier this year and slowly gained about half of it back. My wake up call was when I started to get lame and tired more quickly than before. Also I was sick of the binge/purge cycle and never feeling great.
back in 2009 i gained back a little over 100 lbs and i got remotivated because a group of people i'd been friends with online for a while wanted to meet in person and i realized i didn't want to do it because i worried what they'd think of me. it was kind of an, "oh, duh, you've done this before -- quit being complacent and get back in the saddle" moment for me. i've been maintaining for almost a year now and i've finally decided to give diet and exercise another round so that i can meet that goal i set for myself a couple years ago.
intrinsic motivation can be hard to come by! i think that you're here now says you're ready for it, though. i'll be rooting for you, girlie!
(Backstory: In 2010, I lost 50 pounds. Between 2011 and early 2012, I gained back about 20, which I am currently in the process of re-losing.)
What made me stop and take notice, honestly, was when my more generous clothes stopped fitting comfortably. I got rid of my old clothes as I lost weight, and I invested in high quality, more expensive stuff. Not only do I have a taste for it now, but I can't even afford to buy a new wardrobe of bargain basement pieces. So when I started being limited in what I could wear, I knew I had to do something.
There was a while between when that happened and when I actually committed to losing again though. It sounds weird to say it out loud, but I just had to wait for myself to start wanting it again. There was a while when I was uncomfortable and unhappy, and I wanted the weight to be gone, but I didn't really want it at a gut level. When that came back, I got right on track.
I can't speak to having to lose it all and more, but seeing pictures of myself when I was thinner is really motivating, because it reminds me how happy and self-confident I was then.
I really appreciate all this input! I think we all have our breaking points, or rather, inspiration points.
I've been doing well with my eating so far and I"m really so proud of that fact. I think starting again is a tough uphill battle but it's really worth it and I can't wait to get to my goal!!!
For those of you who have regained a lot of what you lost...
I'm embarrassed to admit this because I felt like a fraud when I did show up here. 
But, the fact remains that food wasn't solving my problems. In fact, it was exacerbating matters. 
Sigh . . . somewhere around that time I realized I weighed 360. 
