Binge averted - and sad story
 

I have a few pounds left to lose, and haven't been really successful staying on track to losing it. I've maintained my weight loss - but haven't been able to lose that last 15 or so. The past few weeks have been pretty tough, no excuses, but I've been binging regularly. This week I've been really good. Today, I went to the grocery store at lunch. I work from home, so I ate at my desk before I left to go to the store - so I wasn't the least bit hungry when I went. I had a list and I wasn't even thinking about a binge.

Until I walked in. After getting everything on my list, I walked through the deli cookie aisle TWICE. I had a package of 4 large chocolate chip cookies in my hand, something I have binged on in the past. I put them back. I headed to the ice cream aisle. I slowly walked through and decided it was too cold outside for ice cream. I headed to the candy aisle. After almost filling a bag full of bulk candy, I settled on a small (2 serving) bag of candy corn (I love the stuff).

I wanted more candy, so as I turned around to go to the chocolate, another woman bumped into me. She barely mumbled "Sorry," and she didn't even look at me. I noticed that she was fixated on the candy. She had a few items in her cart, and already 2-3 bags of candy. I kind of watched her as I was trying to decide what else to buy and I recognized that "binge trance" on her face. Her eyes were wide as she scanned all the candy, grabbing a couple more bags mindlessly. She didn't look at me, or anyone else walking past and she actually bumped into another shopper.

In the end, I think she ended up with probably half a dozen bags of candy. It broke my heart to see her and realize that's how I have looked in the past while shopping for my binge food. I put the candy I had in my cart back and grabbed a container of sugar-free gum, instead.

She was easily 4 inches shorter than me and she was quite large, but that isn't what made me put the candy back and forget about the binge. It was that look in her eyes. She was totally unaware of her surroundings, looking at the candy like it was her lover, and I don't think she probably even realized how much she had in her cart.

So my binge was stopped because of this woman. I saw myself in her, my "old" self, and it made me so sad...I just cannot go back to that way of life. :(

Anyone else ever have a similar experience?

I'm so glad you recognized your old self in this woman. I feel very bad for her, but I'm certain she was put there for you. And you got it! That's a victory.

I know exactly what you're talking about. It is like a trance. This actually happened to me this morning...I bought a bag of peanut butter M&Ms. Definitely one of my trigger foods. I was driving in to work, hardly thinking about food, not even really hungry...maybe just a tad thirsty. I stopped at a drugstore to buy a diet soda and suddenly, I'm in the candy aisle grabbing a bag of candy I don't need or even want. The oddest thing is that once I make the decision to binge, it's almost liberating--like, now there is no longer an internal battle going on, I've made my decision. It is indeed very sad.

OMG, Luxy - that's exactly it! I guess that is the seduction of the binges, that relief you feel when you give in?

And Moving Forward, you aren't kidding. My heart totally broke for her, I wanted to hug her! If she is anything like me, she was ripping into that candy as soon as she got to her car. Still makes me want to cry. :(

I really enjoyed reading the story. Especially the part about reckonizing yourself in the woman. It seems very philosophical. This woman was like seeing a mirror of the past you being reflected back.

Thank you for sharing the story.

lol, i think we've all been there. i'd hate to see what my face looks like as i'm scanning the fridge and pantry in the privacy of my home, hahah.



edit: i assume it looks like this,
http://raretee.files.wordpress.com/2...icture-018.jpg

Hah! Yes, definitely looks like me when I'm on a bender!

Hahaha. That shark is the past me hunting for a Diet Coke to get my caffeine fizz buzz.

That is such a sad story! Glad you were able to see what was going on.
The only similar experience I usually get is like when we go into subway.. I used to think every sandwich there was healthy.. going in now I know what I can have and what I can not have. Watching everyone load up their food with hundreds of calories/fat/sugar totally is eye opening now.. I used to be just like that!

Thank you for sharing. I about feel like crying now. It's a different position...looking at it from the outside rather than feeling the inside as we usually do. It's very motivating. I don't want to be like that anymore.

I sometimes wonder if people know what I am up to when I'm buying binge foods or already in the process of a binge.

I remember the one time I was walking down a street already eating a candy bar because I couldn't wait to get back home to binge. This was before I had a car and had to walk all my groceries home. My bag was already filled with all the junk I would be consuming once I got home. I wondered whether the people I walked by realized what I was doing or what I was going to do as I shoved that candy bar into my mouth.

Sometimes the most helpful way to stop is to see ourselves reflected in the eyes of others.

Great story and I'm glad it stopped you from binging.