I am depressed, plain & simple. I cannot for the life of me figure out why food has such a hold on me. Why do I wake up in the morning thinking of what I could make for breakfast, lunch, supper, and snacks, WHY?
Why do I allow myself to be this big when I could do something about it? It seems like I get really motivated, do really great, and BAM, just like that I am right back where I started. I KNOW that there is a sexy, HAPPY, person somewhere inside of this large shell, but HOW do I get her out, when all I ever do is FAIL?
I am not sure how many of you are familiar with the person on this board named Posy, if you are familiar with her, she is my diet buddy that I met here a long time ago, she has succeeded, and is close to her goal weight now, I am soo proud of her, and at the same time, angry at myself that I was much smaller than she was to begin with, and now she is about 70 pounds lighter than me
I wrote to her tonight, and this is part of my letter, this shows how down I have been
*I feel like I just need to throw in the towel and accept that I am destined to be FAT forever. You were strong, and are still strong, and that is why you have succeeded, I am weak, and I start diets, then go off of them, food has complete control over me, and I hate it. I had the pleasure ( NOT ) of seeing my brother for the first time in months, and of course he had to comment about the way I look, gee thanks JERK! Ugggh! I know I am fat, I know I have gained a TON of weight ( my 22's are almost to tight now, Ugggh ) and I know my face is almost doubled in size. I was 235 a couple of weeks ago, but who knows what it is now, my guess is 245, I cannot control myself, and there is NOBODY to blame but ME! *
I decided to post this because I NEED HELP, food is like a drug for me, and I dont know how to get past this, and start living again. I have the desire, but where does the willpower come from?
You dont have to respond, just getting this off my chest has made me feel so much better! ((hugs)) to anyone who reads, it is helpful knowing that I am not the only one in this boat