Just to clarify, I'm mom so it's not a matter of eating what I'm given, I *do* get the choice to decide what we're eating! So I'm not worried about that.

But this is my 3rd time needing to lose weight.
#1- Single & 19, no issues with my own meals
#2- After baby 1, who didn't eat solids and I could eat my own meals

#3- After baby 2 - this is the problem. I don't want to eat separate dinners from my son. I want to make ONE family meal and serve it to all of us (including husband).

I simply won't have time to bother with making my own separate calorie-counted meal this time. So, for those of you who prepare large family meals and serve it to every family member, can you give me advice on how you balance your needs to lose weight and feeding others? Especially when one is a growing 2 year old and a grown competitive powerlifter who both require LOTS of food?

Do you calorie count the whole meal and then divide your portion? Just estimate? Etc..

Thanks I appreciate it. I will only need to lose about 10-20lbs this time, so nothing too extreme, but those are often the hardest!!

Someone who's trying to lose weight is obviously going to have very different nutritional needs than a power-lifter and a 2 year old. Your different caloric needs don't make you any less of a family or reflect on how much you care about each other. I think the fact that you're sitting at the table together is enough.

That being said, the only thing I can think of is offering servings of both types of meals- the high calorie and low calorie type. For example, if soup and a salad fit your budget that night, but the husband needs something heartier, bring out all three dishes (e.g. soup, salad, lasagna) and let everyone choose.

Just serving one dish is probably going to be painful for someone or everyone. I'm guessing he needs at least twice the calories that you do- so you either make the meal high in calories and you get an unsatisfyingly small portion, or you make it low in calories and your husband has to stuff himself into discomfort to get what he needs (or has to snack more later).

As far as counting the whole meal and dividing out your portion, just be extremely careful about it. It's very easy to be off 50-100 calories or more when "guesstimating" what portion you had.

i will often skip the higher calorie part of dinner (bread, pasta, rice etc) and just eat the lower calorie part of it (portioned meat, veggies, etc)...i also focus on lower carb when i can anyhow...

or like she said, being at the table together can be enough....ive found that no one really cares(?), maybe not the right word there, that i'm sitting down with them and only eating a salad, or drinking water, etc because i know i'll be making a protein shake once the dinner stuff is cleaned up

ive found that being picky is a good thing too LOL i dont want to eat anything in front of me

I don't calorie count but if I'm eating something that is higher calorie with my boyfriend or family I'll just have a smaller portion and a bigger salad or tomatoes or something.

It depends on the meal but if it's pasta, I have more vegetables and only a bit of pasta. If it's a meat and potatoes type dinner I have more vegetables and less potatoes etc etc. I feel full but not uncomfortable so it works. Just be aware of what's in a sauce etc

I'm in the same situation. I refuse to cook separate meals for myself. What seems to work reasonably well for me is preparing, say, three dishes and eating only two of them. For example, if I make fish, rice and salad, I usually only eat the fish and salad. (I find it more satisfying to have bigger portions of two dishes than tiny portions of three dishes.) And I don't make dessert for anyone. If my kids want dessert, they can grab a piece of fruit, granola bar, or ice cream.

F.

There's no need to keep seperate meals. I'm not a mom, but when I was a child, my grandparents lived with us, and our family had a lot of different caloric needs. Dad worked a very strenuous job and had a fast metabolism, grandma had thyroid issues, diabetes, and other health issues that left her with a very, very sluggish metabolism. Mom, grandma, and I would be dieting (I was put on my first diet, doctor supervised, in kindergarten) and my brother had the metabolism of a humming bird (he had trouble gaining weight).

We all ate the same meals, we just ate those meals differently. My brother was encouraged to add fat to his diet. Dad ate several helpings. Grandma took tiny portions, Mom and I measured out our portions (we mostly dieted by Weight Watchers and in those days WW was an exchange plan).

Exchange plan dieting is one of the easiest ways to diet when eating with other people, because it counts "blocks" of ordinary foods.

For example, a typical meal would consist of

several veggies (Mom used to add butter to the veggies for the table, but instead served them without butter)

a main protein (usually an oven-roasted, or crockpot braised meat - turkey, chicken, beef roast, pork roast, pork chops, burgers, meatloaf).

starchy side (usually potaoes, sweet potatoes, pasta, rice...)

and usually some bread as well (even with the starchy sides, Dad usually wanted bread at the table).

a huge lettuce salad (at almost every dinner meal)

fat (usually a small tub of margarine or whipped butter, sometimes gravy, and the salad dressing).


The only "different" food Mom and I would eat was our salad dressing. And even then she'd get mad at Dad sometimes, because he'd grab "our" dressing for his salad (then complain it tasted bad). Eventually Dad started asking before he poured (he never seemed to grasp the idea to look at the label and read to see if it said "light" or "fat free").

Exchange plan dieting is extremely easy (once you get the hangng of it) to use while eating anywhere. In some ways, even easier than calorie counting, because the rules are a bit easier to remember (most fruits in the 2.5 to 3 inch diameter range are 1 fruit = 1 fruit exchange. Most hand-held fruits that are bigger are 1 fruit = 2 fruit exchanges. Fruits you can't hold easily in an open hand (at least not with them falling out of it) such as melons, berries, dried fruits.... may need to be measurrd. Most berries are about 3/4 to 1 cup for 1 fruit exchange (berries and melon are the best value - the most fruit for the fewest exchanges).

Most meats are 1 ounce = 1 protein exchange.

Mom and I just brough our food scale to the table and we'd weigh out what we chose. Our first plate looked pretty much like every one else's at the table (except our starch sevings would be smaller and our veggie/salad servings would be larger). We'd usually be more careful with the fats, and our second helpings.

If we had second helpings they were of the salad or the veggies. My dad would eat second helpings of just about everything. My brother would be encouraged to eat second helpings because he needed to put on weight. I would be discouraged from eating seconds of anything but veggies and salads (or if I had it in the budget I'd have to weigh anything that wasn't veggie or salad).

As a whole it worked out extremelyy well, unless we had something that was a bit difficult to count (like take-out pizza).

Now that wouldn't be a problem, because there are exchange resources that list restaurant exchange values (both for specific chains and for estimating by class). The book "Exchanges for All Occasions," is a handy reference that I take with me when I go out to eat (it's not a huge paperback, but there's a pocket-sized edition of the book that I've been meaning to buy on Amazon).

I think the book is out of print, but it can still be found on a amazon.com used or "new" (usually old bookstore stock, so the book may never have been read, but it still might show some mild shelf wear).

I just cook for me and my boyfriend. He has a physical job while I study at home all day long. What I have found work better for us in our situation is IF. I just drink water and coffee in the morning and eat big when he arrives home. He still gets a bigger portion of food but he also has had a breakfast and a snack prior to that so I think he is good. This is probably not a solution for you right now but it could work for you in the future.

I do what freelancemama and Alaskanlaughter do - I just skip the simple carb part of the meal - I'll eat the green veggie and meat.

if it's pasta night, I'll eat a smaller portion, or put the sauce over a quick steamed broccoli-slaw or something similar.

And I simply don't miss the rice/potatoes/bread and it's no extra cooking for me.

I actually disagree. Many very healthy dishes can be served to the entire family, and the people who need more calories can eat more, and the people who need fewer calories can eat less.

When I was living with my parents, Mom and I would often make Weight Watchers recipes for the whole family, and many of them were so good that they became family favorites. Sure my dad, grandfather and brother would eat the equivalent of three or more servings each, and/or would eat some buttered bread as a side, but they didn't suffer for it. And neither did we unless we CHOSE to feel sorry for ourselves because we couldn't have that second or third helping.

I don't make a separate meal for myself. I cook dinner for myself, my husband who has a very active job and a high metabolism, and two busy toddlers (a 3.5 year old and 20 month old). If I bake a casserole for dinner, I'll try to eat a lighter breakfast or lunch so I know I have extra calories to spare. If I cook a meat, veggie, starch dinner (like last night) then I'll either skip the starch, or have a small portion.

I hope to lose and keep the weight off for life and I don't see myself making separate meals forever, so I just modify where I can.

I think the idea that dieters can't eat normal food and must prepare entirely seperate meals unlike anything that "normal" people get to eat, is one of the myths that contribute to the dismal weight loss statistics.

Most of the food that is healthy for dieters is also healthy for normal weight and even underweight folks. Calories are VERY easy to add with a few condiments or sides. No reason to pump the calories into the main dish, when a bit of healthy fats and carbs, or just extra helpings or a glass of milk, can be added at the table by those not needing to lose weight.

I often cook for a few other people with varied nutritional needs. What I do is just make a well rounded meal and let everyone choose what and how much of everything they want to eat. It's pretty simple and everyone gets something nutritious. Sometimes the biggest eater will munch on a few almonds after dinner if things are on the lighter side or after a big workout.

Eh, I find cooking for my needs takes an extra ten minutes. Most of the time I either eat the main dish or broil up my own steak/burger/chicken with a salad. But making seperate meals is very normal for me. My kids eat eggs and toast for breakfast, I eat eggs and coffee. They eat a sandwich, carrot sticks, and an orange for lunch, and I make myself up a salad. Dinner, same sort of thing. I promise it isn't a burden for time to have to make adjustments or my own meals.

That said, my basic meal formula for my family is a main dish, a veggie, and a fruit. It's easy enough to pick main dishes I can have, too, especially if they aren't pasta based, and do just fine. I just skip the fruit or eat the fruit and veg but modify the main course. Simple, takes almost no time, everyone's happy. Adding additional kids doesn't make additional meal work beyond a certain threshold, I promise

Thanks everyone for the great advice and I'll try and post more detailed response later.

Just to clarify, I don't wish to make myself a separate meal, I just want to share a family meal. Just a personal choice. I have maintained since 2004 except right after my 2 pregnancies (and I anticipate to return to maintenance shortly thereafter, 6 months or so) so I just want to find a reasonable way to balance cooking for my 3 boys and myself without resorting to separate meals.

It's all about portion size. If I make a casserole or something, I figure out how many calories per serving, and then give myself an appropriate serving, along with a salad or veggies. No need to make separate meals if you don't want to.

That said, if I make spaghetti for my son (his favorite), sometimes I would rather have a giant bowl of spaghetti squash than 1 cup of spaghetti noodles.