Ack! Glad I'm catching this now!
 

So this is mostly what I call a "thinking out loud" thread, but I've just realized that I need to stop some behaviors RIGHTNOW.

I've had a couple friends that I had stopped talking to for awhile just recently come back into my life, and as much as I love these friends dearly... for a lack of a better way to put this, they are my fat friends from my fat days; the days when not a !!!! was given. And already, just by hanging out with them the past week -- the behaviors were starting to creep back. Going out to bars & drinking, which leads to eating, etcetcetc.

Like last night, we went to this restaurant so my friend could get dinner, and I was done with my calories for the day so I wasn't going to get anything to eat. But it was an Italian place, and of course they sit a basket of bread on the table... you know how that ended up; I was kind of hungry though, so I think I needed some of that, lmao. (Sure I did!) And then they kept talking about wine, and that made me want wine and I wanted to join them for wine, but the problem with that is the only wine I like is Arbor Mist and on a good night, I can -easily- kill the whole bottle; not for getting drunk, simply because it tastes so good, lol. Fortunately I just stuck to 1-2 glasses, but still -- I am seeing where the dangers are lying here.

I've come so far -- I don't want hanging out with them to screw it all up. But the temptations are there and it's so freakin' hard to say no sometimes, especially when the thing you're saying no to is right in your face and everyone else is having fun sharing the bread (or whatever else) and you have to sit there with a glass of water and fight with yourself the whole time, while also trying to have a pleasant social experience. That's not fun, and I don't want to have to do that. But I like these people and I don't want to stop hanging out with them either, especially since my alternative is to not have any friends/a life at all.

How can I make this easier on myself?

Tricky... Could you explain that you love their company, but you can't risk undoing all the good work you have done and suggest seeing them in a different environment so that you don't end up being tempted?

If the are true friends they will understand and will support you.

Good luck, and whatever happens, remember that you have made such a fantastic change and come so far, don't stop now for the sake of some bread and wine!

((hugs))

I have a bit on this. I ALWAYS lose weight summer, then come fall I gain it back because my friends and stress. We want to go to bars, someone orders a pitcher of margaritas or beer. I indulge. Or we go to a restaurant that is calorific. Someone suggests Taco bell. List goes on and on.

I have actually accompanied my friends to these restaurants and had a sandwich in my purse ready to go. SO I know I'm getting 350 cal instead of the plate of lasagna for god knows how much. At first I was embarrassed at bringing my own food, I'm ashamed to admit I ate in the bathroom and told everyone I had dinner all ready and was going to stick to water. I actually stuck to just water too. It's about self control. Which is HARD to get a handle on.

Some tips:
-Ask that the bread basket gets moved across the table, where you can't reach it. Or ask your friends to take what they want out and have the waiter remove the basket completely. Basket gone! YAY! No worries.

-Water with lemon. It makes it a little more flavor so you don't crave as bad (at least for me.)

-If you ate and are sticking to water. Chew some gum. The flavor keeps your mouth busy and it's easy to ignore cravings with mint in your mouth.

-If you are hungry, ask if you can order a side of green beans or carrots. Lower calories, they will fill you up, and it's nothing to feel guilty over. (ask them to hold the salt if they are salted).

-Don't feel too guilty, this is a big one. You can't beat yourself up for a glass of wine once in a while. If you start making it a habit of doing it constantly then consider budgeting calories for wine or try to fine something lower calories you don't *love* as much. Trust me, if you find a wine you enjoy, but don't love, you can sip it slowly and just drink one. Wine isn't horrid if it's on occasion. And there are some lower calories ones out there.

Also, explain to your friends. I mean you LOST 50 LBS! That's AWESOME! And tell them it's been a struggle, you want to keep going, it's VERY important to you. Friends get that. Good ones anyway. If they want to go to McDonald's, maybe you suggest subway. If they insist, tell them you'll meet them there after you pick up your sandwich from Subway.

The only thing that screws me over is that damn Starbucks.... I don't have self control when it comes to Starbucks... I tried getting tea then spend the whole day wanting my damn peppermint white mocha that I'm in LOVE with. Stressed? I need a Starbucks... Early morning!? Starbucks! Homework? Let me do this at Starbucks... Friends give me gift cards there, friends like to hang out there... And what's horrid.... it's EVERY WHERE! I need to get on their ban list somehow...

re:
 

Is there every going to be a time in our lives where we are completely devoid of people doing things we wish we were doing? We're always going to have people eating or drinking things around us that don't benefit our plan.

The solution is not to hide from those people and events, but to work on more self control. If you decide you would really like some wine, have a glass of wine, not three. If you decide you want a bread stick, have just one and not four. Plan to have those extra things in advance so that when you have them, it's part of your plan.

Easier said then done I know as I'm a wine and bread stick junkie myself.

Planning ahead for the next time you are with these friends could help a lot. Find out where you will be going and look up the menu ahead of time, so you can to see if they have a low calorie option that you can have instead of the bread -- like soup or a salad (dressing on the side so you can limit it). Save up some calories for this; and even if it is spur of the moment, the damage won't be so bad.

Take that as a flex day/maintenance day for the week/month. Be sure to be on-plan the next day and that will even things out for you. You can suggest a place that has healthier options or just look the menu over for the lowest calorie thing you can find. Choose a place that has soup or salad available. Also, explain to them what you are trying to achieve so they can help you in the future. You may find them very supportive once you ask for their help.

Oh, and there is another option -- you can socialize with them somewhere else where there doesn't have to be any eating or drinking (it is optional), like going to a movie, a beach, a park, a concert, etc. :D

My friends and I would socialize around food and drink.

I had to basically tell myself no. And the little child inside of me would say, "But why...? I want to play too with everyone else." I had to be the adult and tell that inner child that it was better for her to abstain and wait until the next day or the next week or whenever to eat/drink that lovely food.

And if I kept thinking about how much weight I would gain back if I just didn't care -- like I didn't care before -- then I would remember that I am choosing.... CHOOSING... to be thin. To be thin, I have to have different ways of relating to people and food.

My friends still go out to dinner and they still order bottles of wine. I just turn them down. And it's not about the food or the drink anymore. It's about talking to THEM, gossiping with THEM, finding out what's going on with THEM... the food and drink is just decoration to being with my friends.

Tell yourself no and stick to it. The true agony lies in the indecision and anticipation of the choices laid out in front of you, so the sooner you make a decision you feel good about without question, the better.

Easier said than done I know, but practice helps. Keep it a conscious thought until it becomes second nature.

Maybe you and your friends could do something like take a walk together or hike? At least some of the time. It doesn't all have to be about restaurants and bars!! Just one to two glasses of wine really spikes my appetite.

You have gotten some great advice- I like the chew gum and drink lemon water or for me, plain soda water is great. Also, planning to have some nights out works.

Honestly, I have a hard time denying myself anything (food and drink) if other people around me are having something good. That is one think I LOVE about IF- you can eat when you want to (like with your friends) and then fast some too to keep the calories down.

Thanks for all the advice, and I definitely will have to plan better in the future. Last night was just a big giant evening of being horribly unplanned -- I got to my friends' house, and next thing I knew we were piling in the car to go to Wal-mart, and then we didn't even go to Wal-mart. We went to that restaurant and CVS, lol.

The bar thing isn't going to stop because we go for karaoke -- that's one of my favorite things to do. However, I know that just because I'm at a bar doesn't mean I have to consume alcohol. Hello, they DO sell diet coke, lol! But those other moments are definitely going to be hard. I always feel like I'm punishing or depriving myself when that stuff happens, which is something I don't want to do.

I'm ready for maintenance mode, damnit, lol. Then I'll have 500 extra calories to play with and it won't be so damn hard anymore.

Which is why it's so crucial to change your mindset. ;) You have to focus on what you truly want and do what it takes to get there in a positive manner. If you focus on what you can't have or can't do, you're only setting yourself up to cave in on those things. Nobody succeeds for long (if at all) by punishing and depriving themselves.

Like I was basically saying in my last post, make positive choices, stick with your decisions, and move on. :) The longer you stay indecisive or second-guess yourself, the more likely you'll make a decision you'll later regret.

Even though you're in something of a transition period right now, what with having recently graduated from college all, don't be afraid to branch out and try new things and meet new people. If your social circle isn't meeting all your needs, maybe you should consider trying to expand it. You wouldn't have to drop your old friends or spend all your time at the gym. Any non-food oriented activity, hobby, or volunteer work that interests you could be a good way to get out and socialize without feeling pressured to eat.

Drinking situations are hard for me too. Right now, the way I'm handling it is I can have a glass of wine if I give up my nighttime fruit. I like that fruit enough that I really think about whether the wine is worth it. (Sometimes yes, and sometimes no.) And, I'm finding that as I weigh less, and drink less, one glass is almost enough to ge me buzzed! It has been a struggle to learn how to drink it slooooooow, though! I did just discover those Crystal Lite single-drink mix packs, in Mojito, Appletini and Margarita. It might help to bring them out with you, to pour into water.

i appologize in advance, i only read your original post, not the rest of the replies in this tread (which i will go back and read right after i post this, but i feel very strongly about what you said.

i had the same issues, obviously were coming from the same place- i like to have fun, i like drinks, etc etc.

like wine? sorry to say, arbour mist is a chemical ****-storm. why not find a sweeter red/white/rose wine that you enjoy, that is a WINE that will give you good bang for your calorie buck? without all the super duper extra added sugars? and if it's not as sweet, you wont drink as much!

also- i have the same issue with self control, and wanting to have fun.

while at first i did exactly what you are talking about- i avoided these people.

then, i learnt to plan. friends that i have now, that like to go out, KNOW that they MUST make plans with me, at a minimum of 2 days in advance. why you say? so i can prepare myself. i will shift my meals/eat lighter/leave calories.

i also never have entrees and stick to deserts.

i often go out to "eat" with people to restaurants that have good COFFEE and i will have a coffee/ tea to keep myself busy.


i have also realized that food, doesn't really matter. yes there is delicious food- but i don't need it all, right now.

i can have a little, and truly enjoy, but in reality i am going out with friends to socialize, not to stuff my face!

this knowledge will come with time!

Oh I know Arbor Mist is awful for you, lol. But every other wine I drink is gross; of the experiences I can remember, one tasted like rotten grape juice, and one tasted like I was drinking soap. Arbor Mist has more of the fruit flavor and less of the strong fermented grape flavor, lol. I haven't found a real wine yet that I can handle, but I wanna drink it cause it looks classy! ;)

Give them another chance but in a different setting and situation.

Maybe don't go out for dinner or if you do, make sure you can eat and eat something of a healthier choice. I think the biggest problem is when you're hungry and there lies the temptations... then its hard to stop yourself. When you're completely full and dont need to eat or have your own food infront of you, temptations are easy to reject.

Or, you can even suggest a healthier way to hang out.. maybe coffee or a walk in the park, etc.