I totally empathize. It's taken me my life up until now (29) to recognize that nothing in my life will magically change. (Unless I change it, of course.) That includes those pesky feelings of inadequacy and/or related emotions. It's good that you're acknowledging-- I recommend therapy if it's an option for you. It can be so so helpful.

I want to share something I stumbled across on Tumblr today, it might be helpful to you-- it's from a Caitlin Moran interview (someone posted something of hers in a different thread on "how I got fat"):

"...you mentioned that you used to think “Once I’m thinner and smooth and have perfect hair and perfect outfits, everything will fall into place!” and you said you thought that until you were twenty-eight or twenty-nine. I’m twenty-six, and I feel that way all. the time. And even if you know better, it’s hard to stop thinking that way! So, how did you?"

The trick is, and there’s a little bit of heartbreak, you have to just give up on the idea of being a princess. You have to give up on the idea of being fabulous. My kind of base position on existence is that you just have to admit you’re a bit of a twat. You’re a bit of a div, you’re a kind of sweaty, stumpy, well-meaning idiot and you’re trying your hardest, but it’s just enough to be a sort of pleasant, polite person who’s working quite hard and tries to be nice to the people they’re nice to. We don’t need to have any more ambitions than that! This whole sassiness thing – everything’s got to be sarcastic, everything’s got to be knowing, everything’s got to be cynical. You’ve got to be on top of your **** twenty-four hours a day. THAT is exhausting. It’s just far better to go, you know what? I’m just basically a monkey in a dress, and the best I can hope for every day is just to be nice, to smile as much as possible, to be gentle, try and be a bit understanding, work really hard, go and smell some flowers, have a cup of tea, ring your mum if you get on with her, just kind of dial it down a bit. There’s a more sustainable idea of being a woman rather than feeling like you’re in a ****ing movie twenty-four hours a day.

^THIS!

It's all about reshaping your mindset. If I don't feel good and my emotions are not in check at 200+, chances are (and as I have found out recently) I will still not be satisfied with the person in the mirror at any weight. If we start to retrain and reshape our thinking, reminding ourselves daily that we ARE worth it, I do believe that slowly the feelings of inadequacy will start to go away.

I agree with everything everyone has said. In a way, weightloss has changed my life in the sense that I'm a lot more confident with my appearance and the way I look and my fitness. HOWEVER, I am not suddenly magically a social butterfly, I'm still a little awkward around strangers and the opposite sex, I still have a smidge of social anxiety, I still like the same style of clothing, I will probably never be a night-lifing, clubber-type.

I kind of thought that once I lost weight, everything would fall into place: I'd be super-confident, flirty, the outgoing one in the bunch etc. So not true. The fundamental things that have always been part of my character and that make me "me" haven't changed. If I want to be any of those things, I'm going to have to exert some extra energy and take action to change those aspects of my character because it turns out they don't really have anything to do with weight. Or maybe they do and I've just gotten used to being socially lazy...

I didn't want to be the one to say it first (because I feel like I'm always 'that person') but it's the truth, and what I immediately thought.

Dieting and doing cardio (which is essentially just burning calories) just makes you a smaller version of your current self. If you want to change the shape of your body, you have to lift weights, AKA bodybuild!

Not only will you be able to shape yourself to the way you want to look, but you'll feel a sense of accomplishment. Added 5 more pounds to your benchpress? The feeling is fantastic! It's small victories, but they are measurable and attainable.

I highly suggest you start really picking up some weights and take control over your shape.

Got to agree with the weightlifting recommendation here. It has made a real difference to me. My body is so much stronger and when I move around just doing everyday things I can feel what a change I have made.

Hey Mimsy--I'll bet buying something new in size 14 would cheer you up! And 32" waist--that's something to be proud of!

I will say that -- buying clothes in a 14 feels awesome, lol.