Still seeing myself as obese....
 

sometimes inadvertently causes me to hurt people's feelings. I think perhaps I hurt someone's feelings over the weekend, or, at the very least, made them uncomfortable.

I won't get into details, but I was discussing with two friends a project I had been thinking about starting for plus sized women. One friend is a normal weight and the other is overweight. As I discussed the project, I very much was in the mindset that I was speaking as a plus-size woman. The focus audience of the project are women like me. Only, I don't really look like a plus-size woman anymore. Therefore, the target audience is no longer for women who look like me.

To my overweight friend, I was speaking as a normal size woman about overweight women, and I don't think it came off as being cool. She didn't say anything and it really didn't register with me at the time how strange or insensitive I must have sounded. However, I realize now that I really do still see myself as obese or overweight. I do group myself together with plus-size women. I have no idea when or if that will change, but I really think I have body dysmorphic disorder - or some semblence of it.

Does this happen to anyone else?

I was going through my closet last night and I decided to try on some sweaters I had worn just 4 or 5 months ago. At the time, I was happy to be fitting into that size, so I was surprised to discover that they're way too big for me now. I don't feel significantly smaller than I was then. I've had only a few brief periods of being a healthy weight during my life, so it's hard to not think of myself as overweight or obese. I know a lot of people describe themselves as being a thin person in a fat person's body, but I feel like a fat person who is trying to pass as not-fat.

So, anyway, to answer your question: yes.

Yeah, I've definitely had that experience during previous periods of weight loss and maintenance. I forget that I don't look the same way I feel.

It happens. Try to be more conscious of the ways that others perceive you as you stay true to your own self-conception. And be generous about the feelings of others.

When I first started to maintain after losing the weight I had to kind of mentally transition. I had been overweight almost my whole life and morbidly obese for more than twenty years so it was a big change for me.

After about a year my brain caught up. I think it just takes us some time.

I was thinking about this today after running into someone I used to work with. She was giving me so many compliments and saying how I must feel wonderful and how it must be so much fun to buy clothes etc. I told her I hadn't really bought much yet cause I can't see it yet. And she was shocked. But I told her when I look in the mirror I see the same person. It's not real to me yet and I still have a ton of weight to lose. I've almost lost 70 pounds and she didn't believe me...she was sure I had to have lost at least a 100. So obviously other people can see it but it takes longer for our own stubborn brains to get with the program.

And guacamole I think as far as hurting people's feelings that is part of the learning too. My not being able to graciously accept people's compliments probably makes them wonder why they bother.

It really is a mental journey.