It pains me to read about someone already losing hope at such a young age; you're not the only one to struggle and you still have a lot of positive life experiences ahead of you, regardless of your weight. I struggled when I was young too, and lost a good amount of weight when I was 19. Gained it all back and then some though. Lost a major amount one other time in my life 12 years ago; gained it all back plus another 100 pounds when I was with my first boyfriend, leaving me well over 200 pounds overweight! I realized I had to do something and started to make changes.
Since then, I wanted to at least get back to my lifetime average of 250. That took me
years, but I finally arrived last summer. It didn't last long. When winter came, I gave up hope due to being extremely stressed out over family problems and other issues, and I decided I needed a "break" too. And promptly gained nearly 25 pounds, the only major gain I've had in the past 8 years.
This past March I decided I couldn't allow myself to gain any further. I gave myself a healthy change in attitude and my body is starting to follow suit.
The thing is that you have to realize you can't take breaks. Why? You don't deserve them. And yes, you read that right! What you
do deserve is a healthier body. You are worth taking care of yourself, you are worth going the extra mile to figure out positive changes you can stick with for life. The kind of "break" you're talking about doesn't do anything positive for your body or even your spirit, it just temporarily distracts or numbs whatever experiences you're currently going through.
What personally helped me this time around was buying a journal and writing down everything that I eat. I don't track calories, I don't count points, I just make sure I'm aware of portion sizes and do my best to make healthy choices. My personal trigger is sugar, so I avoid that and other processed carbs as much as possible as they increase my hunger. I try to eat a lot of veggies, some fruit, some lean meats, some dairy, and a little healthy fat (olive oil, walnuts, flax, etc.). I do allow myself treats but I plan for them, like having one (and only one!) slice of cake at a party and making up for it the next day by cutting back on something else. That's why journaling works so well in my case, it not only helps me stay accountable and gauge my progress, it allows me to see how I'm doing each week and make adjustments as I go, if necessary. Others prefer using online journals or trackers, and that works too! The key is finding something that works for you, something that you're comfortable at sticking with.
And remember that you're in this for life! Your health is the single most precious gift you can give to yourself and your family. You don't even have to make every change you need to make all at once, take baby steps (once again, the journaling/tracking can really help there). Find ways to reward yourself without food! I put a sticker on every day I stay on plan, lol.
You can do this! Check back with us often, read success stories, vent if you need to. We're all in the same boat.