It seems strange to have to apologize for eating healthy. I can see where others don't want to hear about calories and points, so "no thanks" seems reasonable. But the food pushers? I feel like saying "it's MY body - I'll feed it what I want to, thank you very much." So I say it to myself instead of out loud.
I've been thinking about this thread for 2 days now. I realize the only people who push food at me are people who could stand to lose weight themselves!
I've found the opposite. The pushers I encounter are generally middle aged thin-ish women who want to validate their own choices.
I think there's multiple things going on with food pushers. One, I think in American society people have REALLY distorted views of what foods are healthy, and what portions are healthy. So when someone actually IS eating healthy food and healthy portions, it looks like they're starving themselves. Two, I think some people are a bit like drug or alcohol addicts when it comes to food- they feel guilty about their own eating behavior and so they try to get others to join them in an effort to feel that what they are doing is acceptable.
I don't discuss my weight loss efforts with very many people. A lot of people almost seem to take it as a personal judgment on THEM, like I'm losing weight to make them feel bad. Which is ridiculous, but people can be strange. Instead, I just stay quiet. My best tactic for avoiding food pushers has also been a true one- "My doctor doesn't want me eating that." Because it's true- my doc is supervising my weight loss efforts and also teaching me to get away from the SAD (Standard American Diet) and move to a more healthy set of food choices. Not that I don't slip up- I totally do- but more often than not I am eating much healthier now. I also do have an actual dairy allergy, and since so many prepared foods have dairy in it, I have a built in excuse- "I wish I could, but I'm allergic to dairy." No one ever argues with an allergy.
Last edited by EagleRiverDee; 07-17-2012 at 02:08 PM.
I think there's multiple things going on with food pushers. One, I think in American society people have REALLY distorted views of what foods are healthy, and what portions are healthy. So when someone actually IS eating healthy food and healthy portions, it looks like they're starving themselves. Two, I think some people are a bit like drug or alcohol addicts when it comes to food- they feel guilty about their own eating behavior and so they try to get others to join them in an effort to feel that what they are doing is acceptable.
Yes - this!!!! And, as a recovering carb-aholic, I can recall doing just that - "come join me - oooo, it's soooo goood" just to beat down my own feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and all-around bad... And, in the case of my own family, if they didn't want what I made, or if there was any left, I viewed myself as a failure as a mother.
Oh, yeah, there's that big ol' can of worms... and I wonder why it's taking me sooo long to lose...
Whenever I'm eating with my brother, if I don't clear my plate, or decline second helpings, he calls me a lightweight. I keep telling him, that's the point!
I think there's multiple things going on with food pushers. One, I think in American society people have REALLY distorted views of what foods are healthy, and what portions are healthy. So when someone actually IS eating healthy food and healthy portions, it looks like they're starving themselves. Two, I think some people are a bit like drug or alcohol addicts when it comes to food- they feel guilty about their own eating behavior and so they try to get others to join them in an effort to feel that what they are doing is acceptable.
This is something I've noticed a LOT. I think when we eat to be good to ourselves in a healthy way, people notice the difference and it forces a mental question. To agree with what we do means they should change. Easier to criticize what we do and tell themselves we're the ones who are "wrong."
This is something I've noticed a LOT. I think when we eat to be good to ourselves in a healthy way, people notice the difference and it forces a mental question. To agree with what we do means they should change. Easier to criticize what we do and tell themselves we're the ones who are "wrong."
I don't know that many people who are obese except for coworkers. But I still have food pushed at me all the time.
Just came back from a family reunion and everyone pushed food at me. Everyone. Even my 10 year old nephews who gave me all the shrimp in his rice rolls.
Or my health conscious cousin who is one of those people who actually eats 20 million small meals throughout the day. I realized a long time ago that I can't eat like that, so having to decline so often got tiring.
The person who surprised me was the 20-something male cousin who kept telling me to go to this burger place or that burger place. I finally relented and I went to an In n Out, and ordered a burger, animal style. He also wanted to take me to bars and nightclubs. I think because I basically hang out with the same people since high school, they all know about my weight issues.
However, I worked out all the time and my family supported that and a lot of the activities were also active (riding bikes, hikes, walking around, swimming, volleyball, etc).
I think we have to realize that it's not just about us. Food was "pushed" at all the other family members, not just me. Food is a big part of the culture and is often used as a welcoming gesture.
Last edited by memememe76; 07-23-2012 at 11:39 PM.
'Oh Katbot thats hilarious I have one of those Dads to. I never found any useful ways of responding to him, when I started my journey I used to say oh I lost x amount and he would instantly say mind you don't lose too much.. being around 200 pounds... my sister was 120-130 pounds and he said she was not eating and anorexic...because she was eating salad.
"have some more chicken, go on", "is that all youre having, thats not very much", "who ever has the largest belly gets to eat the most so the rest of you have to catch up" WTF?!?!?
For him veg is something to garnish starch dishes.
He got a bowl that was meant to put a whole families dinner in it before dishing it out and he uses it for cereal and rice dinners
As I moved out and started learning about food he called me a food na zi and said why cant I just relax.. well he said the same thing about my anxiety so there you go.
He eats a massive bowl of cereal, 4 slices of toast, massive sandwiches, puts golden syrup in dinners, eats 4-6 x portions, eats a whole pack of biscuits, most of a family sized tiramisu, gave out to me if I tried to talk to him while eating.. never had family meals, he never even cooked for the younger children and let them go hungry only himself > Ugh every meal was piled up like a moutain on a huge plate and of course he didnt like to "waste food". He used to say when he was growing up if he didnt finish his dinner quick enough it would be taken off him, I know thats not all of it but thats his excuse of the only side of his issue he has acknowledged.
Family food pushers are the worst because they have years of manipulating you.
Wow I have seen so many things I can relate to in this thread!! When my fiancé and I broke up last year I went to stay with my gran in the country to regroup, lick my wounds and generally try and pull myself together. Comments such as " do you think you broke up because youve gained so much weight?" swiftly followed by " have a biscuit I cooked these for you". Seriously?!?! WTF?! She is the ultimate food pusher, always has been, and has always been big herself. She is always quick to point out when I have gained weight, but never when i have lost. Her other granny dart was that I was probably too heavy/ old to have children which is another reason why he left me!! Ouch. I then got really stubborn and wouldnt eat a thing she tried to give me, so spent a week absolutely starving.
My other grandma on the other hand who is also big swears blind everytime she sees me that I have lost " lots of weight" and how lovely I look lol!! So the conversation is "well we are both trying to shed some weight, but you have done so well, and I have lost 2lbs so lets have a little cake".
No wonder I have issues with food!!
I have a friend who is a terrible food pusher. We were about the same size before and she LOVES to cook. (and is an amazing cook). But I think for her cooking is a part of her self esteem. She doesn't feel good about her body so she cooks awesome things so people praise her. She is obsessive over food and if I decline something I get a whole lecture about how life is meant to be enjoyed and I can't deprive myself all the time. Your right I can't that's why I have planned cheat days, but my planned cheat day still does not involve new york strip steak slathered in goat cheese wrapped in bacon. So recently (one is planned for tomorrow) I have been trying to get her to meet me out for "drinks" that way I can control what I intake and its not such a personal insult for me to refuse her food.
