Anyone deal with a skeptical and sometimes not very supportive husband?

My little rant...I love my husband to pieces, but when it comes to this weight loss it's the little comments that make it hard to even bother keep going, like criticising my meals, or saying "look at your friend x, she lost a ton of weight and hasn't been dieting, it's all exercise, you should go out and run instead". Or kind of mocking me when I fail at the diet (that yummy cupcake I couldn't resist) by saying he would be able to resist it, why couldn't I have? When I hear all these comments and lack of support, it makes me feel stupid for even trying (again)! It could be that he isn't saying it to hurt, and doesn't realize it does, men and women do seem to speak different languages sometimes!

He's not being very supportive at all, if my boyfriend said anything like that I wouldn't let him get away with it! Could he be feeling intimidated that you're trying to lose weight? It seems some partners worry that you could be losing weight and planning to run off. Maybe talk to him about it and see why he's saying those things and let him know that it's not helpful and making you feel bad.

I advocate direct confrontation. Next time he makes a comment like that, tell him how it makes you feel and ask him to knock it off. Then you might give concrete suggestions as to how he might be more supportive of you.

He's being difficult because he's being difficult, not because he's a man.

Yes, this! If my husband said something like that to me, I'd tell him to knock it the $#@% off!!! Stand up for yourself. Don't let him sabotage you!

Sounds like he has his own issues, and don't let that deter you one bit.

For whatever reason, not wanting you to be more successful than him at anything, not wanting other men to start taking notice, not wanting you to get more attention, feeling like he loses some kind of power, whatever it is. He has issues and is afraid or just plain doesn't want you to be good at this.

I would definitely let him know how you're feeling and make it clear that you're doing this with or without his remarks, so mind as well hold his tongue!

PS. giving into a cupcake is NOT failing at the diet!! It's living, and what you do after the cupcake that counts!

I am single but I get this from family. Over the years I have started so so many diets only to fail very quickly. So of course this time they laugh and say how many days will this one last?? They really want me to lose weight but they don't believe I will. I hope they are wrong.

I wonder if maybe your husband doesn't realise how serious this matter is to you, and that you want, NEED his support and kindness. I think sometimes people, especially men, do not understand how to give good emotional support, and how they should be sensitive around issues like diet and weight. I suggest also a proper discussion, make clear to him how you feel and how you wish he will support you. I think he cares but does not know hpw to care in the right way for this situation.
xxxxx

This!

And this! He's not speaking some sort of man language, not all men act like this! He's just being a total tool.

I've gotten similar comments from my teenage kids, as I too failed many weight loss attempts over the last 5 years, before finally being successful this time. Whenever they expressed skepticism about my latest attempt, I'd simply tell them that the road to success is often paved with failures and that I expect and need their support. It didn't always work, but at least they got the message.

F.

It sounds like your husband is misinformed but doesn't know it. He thinks he has the key to losing weight all figured out and he's being an arrogant know-it-all. Shut him down. This is your process. I would just tell him I would value his support and if he can't manage that he can shut up, stay out of my mouth and what I'm putting in it.

I would avoid the emotional plea to make him understand what it means to you. The fact that it is important to you is enough. So he can join the ride or get out of the way.

TOTALLY get where you are coming from!!! My boyfriend last week had too much to drink and ended up calling me a "Fat Slob". Needless to say it was heartbreaking because he's really always been supportive and said he loved me no matter what. Then to hear that CRUSHED me...it literally made me not want to go on. The next day he apologized profusely and said he didn't mean it...but still, i just kept thinking about those words. It wasn't easy to hear. He scolded me for not losing fast enough...not sticking with it and "getting off the program". Sad as it is to say, to a degree he is right. i do slack sometimes...i DO get off the program sometimes, but that still doesn't give him the right to be horrid. plus i can't lose 10 lbs a week...this isn't the biggest loser, this is real life! so yes, i get where you are coming from and you are absolutely not alone. just do your best, and try not to let it derail you.

p.s. by the way...after that little outburst, i DID suggest to my boyfriend of 9 years that if that behavior is going to continue he might want to start looking for a new place to live. :-p

Talk to your husband. Tell him that his comments are discouraging and you'd appreciate it if he'd keep his advice and comments, unless positive, about your weight loss to himself. Stress to him that you understand he may be trying to help but this is your battle and you have come up with a plan that you are going to implement and even if you have small setbacks along the way that it shouldn't be seen as failure but part of your journey.

Hopefully he just really doesn't understand how discouraging his comments are and once he does realise, he'll shut it for a bit!

You can try reasoning with your husband and asking for support. I'd also try educating him by leaving weight loss/healthy lifestyle articles within reach of the toilet because anyone who thinks the best way to lose a fair amount of weight is to simply go out and run is somewhat clueless.

My hubby loves large women (seriously, he does) and likes my weight up but still, he's supportive of my weight loss efforts because he's supportive of me. That's the kind of support you deserve to have from your hubby too!!

If all else fails, ignore him. Don't let anyone get in the way of your healthier lifestyle goals!

Good luck!!

This is excellent advice, though I don't consider it confrontation, in the strictest sense of the word, but a necessary and respectful discussion among partners. It is better for your relationship to deal with this directly, and if he still refuses to be kind and supportive then you can, at the very least, request his silence on such matters.

In my marriage, jabs and sarcasm don't fly. They indicate a lack of love and a lack of respect, so we really try to avoid them now. Oftentimes one spouse thinks they're being funny, but there is nothing funny about mocking someone you love unless both participants find it equally amusing.