Trying to get my beau on the fitness train?
 

Now, I adore my boyfriend. He's the sweetest and he loves me. He knows what I'm trying to do with my weight and he supports me. He said he'd work out with me whenever I asked him, but he's still got the bad eating habits. He lives 3 hours from me, so I can't be around him 24/7. He is insecure about his weight. He's around 5'9 and weighs 315. I'm 5'4 and I'm at 213 (I think. I haven't weighed this week). I'd love him no matter what, but I want him healthy, you know? Any advice?

Unfortunately thats not one of those things that you can really force. It's got to lend another dimension of difficulty to it being so far apart, but all you can really do is take care of yourself and hope that him seeing your progress rubs off.

He already wants to get healthy, so that's the biggest thing. Even if you two were in the same place it would still be up to him to make the right choices. If he has it in him to do it, it will happen regardless of where you are.

kassiebby1124
I think you are doing the most helpful thing you can do already and that is showing your beau by example that reaching a healthy weight and living a healthier lifestyle is achievable. :)

I agree with the above posters. Lead by example.

Yep, totally agree. Leading by example is the most powerful message.


I've said it before but my family's been on the healthy train lately because they saw I could do it. I've also got other women at the gym lifting heavier weights because they saw what it did for me.

I agree. Leading by example seems to work best for dh and I. As long as one of us is on track with food and exercise, the other one seems to get dragged along. Last fall/winter was rather bad when we both fell apart and gained weight. For both of us, it took getting almost to fat for our fat pants to kick us in the butt (a few weeks apart) and get us back on track. :p

Just like the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. He's not going to change until he wants to change. There is nothing you can do to talk him in to it. The only thing you can do is keep working out, and keep inviting him, keep healthy foods around and lead by example. If he's that unhappy, he'll do something about it.

My husband and I have been together for 17 years. In all that time, my healthier lifestyle has done nothing to change his. He still eats like a 12 year old, and doesn't exercise. He's thin, though, and lean, looks like he's in great shape. Maybe some day it will catch up with him, or maybe not. He was blessed with good genes. I suppose if I was blessed with the ability to eat whatever I want and not gain, I wouldn't bother either. But my point is, I haven't been able to change my husband in 17 years. He's going to have to figure it out on his own, and I hope a diagnosis of diabetes, or a heart attack isn't the reason for it.

Everyone is exactly right: you can't *make* him change his ways. He has to want to do that for himself.

That said, if he expresses interest in getting healthier, that gives you an opportunity. You might think about proposing some kind of competition between the two of you--if could be pounds lost, or staying on plan, or exercising x number of days per week, or whatever. But competition can be motivating, especially for men. :)

I feel you, Kassie. While my boyfriend is not overweight at 6'2, 185-190ish, I feel that he could stand to put on some muscle, hehe. But I know that I cannot force him, though I have encouraged him. He says he doesn't like traditional exercise and prefers his "workouts" be from activities like hiking, playing basketball with his friends, and things like that.

Everyone else has already given you great advice. Just keep doing what you're doing and maybe your boyfriend will feel inspired one day. I hope mine does too, one day.

I ditto the lead by example.
When I started my weight loss journey I did not stop buying my hubby and kids the unhealthy items, I did not force them to change their eating or lifestyle habits. I just did my thing.
A year and a half later, my mom, who lives with me has lost 80lbs-Being motivated to tackle her weight when she saw my success and she exercises with me 5 mornings a week, she is 68.
My husband has lost two pant sizes - probably 25-30lbs by changing his eating habits.
My two teenage sons have both lost a pant size since Feb. In Feb. the told me they do not want me buying them junk food, they basically gave up pop and only drink diet if any. They have both made an effort to increase their exercise.
My daughter, who is in college, has lost 20lbs since January by eating better and exercising more.

I am so proud of my family. All of these changes have come by me leading by example and not forcing changes on them.

Since you said he's interested in at least exercising, why not just ask him if he wants to eat healthier, too? If you plan your meals, you could tell him what you plan to eat for dinner and have him cook the same. Start off with one meal a day, and start doing it with others.

My husband has gained about 50+ pounds. Through out my journey, he's tried to lose weight twice. Both times he's given up and went back to bad eating habits. He will literally eat donuts and pizza while I am in the same room as him doing my insanity workouts! Men!

Another poster suggested tuning it into a competition for you and your beau. I think it's a great idea!!!