Hi guys, I'm Jessica.
I am 21 years old, 5'6" tall, and 260 pounds.
Last February I had a severe hormonal imbalance, and in addition to the other horrible side effects, I gained almost a hundred pounds in a matter of months. I used to have a perfect body that I was proud of. Now I am too ashamed to wear a bathingsuit or go outside with any semblance of confidence.
I eat healthy, really I do. I excercise regularly (4-7 times per week). I am trying so hard. And getting nowhere. I haven't had the courage to weigh myself in over a year. Yesterday I did. 260 freaking pounds. 85 pounds heavier than I used to be. (I had a ridiculously high muscle mass, so 175 looked GOOD on me).
260 pounds. On an impulse, I bought three different kinds of diet pill and a laxative and started using all of them at once. Yes, I know it was very stupid, but I was (and am) somewhat desperate. I spent the whole night last night throwing up, and alternating between panic attacks and crushing depression.
I don't want to go through that again, so I have decided to only do one kind of diet pill at a time, and only use the laxative once or twice a week. I feel like this is my only hope to get my body back. I am so tired of wanting to cry every time I look in the mirror. I am so very tired of feeling repulsive.
I think a forum like this can help me. I have a wonderful and caring boyfriend, but he just doesn't understand the kind of support I need. I need to surround myself with people who have been there, and are fighting this battle right alongside me. I'm here now. I need help. Please, please help me find the next step. I don't think I can do this alone.