This is true for me too, but in a different way I think. At - heck, even 50 lbs from - my highest weight, I felt like my body itself was a flashing neon sign that read "FAT FAT FAT". I felt like I stood out because of my weight everywhere I went. I'd prefer not to be noticed, and I hated being noticed in what I imagined could only be a negative way. It's odd, because I never look at other people like that - but I felt that way about myself every day.
So I'm THRILLED to be just blending into the crowd now; it's one of the things I love most about the weight loss. I just always wanted to be normal, to blend, to look like everyone else.
I do definitely share the fear of regaining though!! The thought terrifies me.
i have alot of fears surrounding the idea of "being noticed"....they stem from past life memories...i'll share more if anyone wants to know...but needless to say "being noticed" wasnt a good thing back then
i have alot of fears about losing weight....what if i stand up for myself more? what if i express my opinions more? or stand for less bullsh*t? what if i tell it like it is? what if i discover that maybe i'm not quite so content as i think i am? i dont have the leeway to just go gallivanting off to "discover myself"...i have a job, a husband and two kids to think about....
what if i break out of the mold that i've been set in? the mold of quiet, responsible, sensible mother, teacher and housewife? everyone expects me to be so good....
I never liked compliments about my weight loss. I come from a very vain Hong Kong family and I was born with a pretty face, would be a "great thing" if it came with a thin figure. Always felt like a work in progress, well now I just try to disregard what they think looks good. I really only get comments on the way I look from my fam-never really fit the Homecomign Queen look in New England LOL, and even the you look pretty ones from the fam just feel like a label slapped on and an evalauation, not a compliment. There's just so much obsession with "how good" I look at the moment that I am just learning to brush it off. Otherwise, I get too much anxiety over disappointing people with the way I look.
Anyways, I just think about the worst that can happen-like if everyone told me I looked horrible either way, or better when I was heavier or I don't look amazing in tighter clothes and absolutely nothing changes in my life-and I realize that I would still do what I do anyways because based on my personal standard-I do look better, maybe not amazing, but better than what I used to in the past and I am finally in a situation where I can take charge of my diet and activity level, which is so empowering to me, so I try to take advantage of that by asking myself what would make me happiest (sitting around=happy, actually working out=happier)
I dislike the compliments that have come with weightloss. I wanted to lose weight so I didn't hate looking at myself in the mirror, but I did not like the outward attention that came with it. It makes me uncomfortable.
I'm one of those that would love to be invisable.
I just don't want or need that outside approval or attention. Maybe it comes from a whole life of being fat and the only feedback streaming in from others was negative. So now I don't care to hear what others think about my body.
Actually, a few months ago, (I posted about it here) my dad (who has fat bashed in my presence througout my life) made a negative coment about my body, that I was too thin.
Fat or thin, good or bad, I just don't want to hear anyone's input on the state of my body.
Last edited by GlamourGirl827; 05-01-2012 at 10:28 AM.
I felt like my body itself was a flashing neon sign that read "FAT FAT FAT". I felt like I stood out because of my weight everywhere I went.
This for sure. I'd just like to meet people and not have that 'wow she's fat' hit their mind first before getting to know me. Whether or not that really happens I don't know, but I sure think it does.
Initially I liked the attention brought about by my weight loss, but now I just feel weird and awkward if someone points it out. I would love to be unattractive to the majority of men in passing.
As you would expect, you get complements for a while then it peters out. If you keep hanging around with the same people, it might come up once in a while. It's like any other change (hairstyle, glasses, etc) except once in a while people might ask how you did it. But there will be no ongoing flood of positive feedback so it can be hard to make the effort to maintain if you are used to using that as motivation.
But if you make a special effort to look good or try something different in your look, people will usually notice and complement it. In general, I think it's easier to do that when you're thin because more styles are flattering to a thin figure.
Clothes.. clothes are my motivation. Period. I love cool clothes.
I plan on shining bright. Starting now, and for always. I hid behind my weight and let it prevent me from doing so many things; from being me. So off with the fat suit and on with LIFE!
I've also lived in Japan and I'm 5'11". People used to come up to me and exclaim, "okii!" (meaning big), then ask me how tall I was. Finally I ordered a T-shirt that said, "How tall? 180 cm" -- and wore it quite often!
Interesting question! I lost the bulk of my weight in 2011 (70 lbs) and the compliments flooded in - but they were all pretty much focused on my weight loss. I, too, would rarely get compliments on my appearance when I was very overweight - even when I would spend a lot of time on my makeup/hair or when I'd buy clothing I actually liked. Now, I get compliments more regularly on my clothing, hair, etc. - even from strangers.
For me, it isn't so much about the compliments, it's about how people look at me. When I was very overweight, I noticed that people in the office, out in public (@ the mall or whatever) almost never looked me in the eye - no one paid any attention/smiled at me or would say hello. This was especially noticeable in the office; the people I worked with didn't say "hi" or "good morning" to me nearly as much as other people.
That is what is so different now (sadly). People will meet my eye and smile, say hi or stop to chat. People do more regularly compliment on the colors I am wearing, or my nail polish, shoes/clothes, etc. It's not constant...but it was VERY rare @ 230 lbs.
That said, at my highest weight I tried to disappear as much as possible. It's easier to ignore someone who wants to be ignored...now, I don't try and blend in, I am just me. I smile more, chat more and compliment others more. I am a MILLION times more confident and I truly believe that is what attracts others to me more often now.
This is an interesting question, because personally I'm not comfortable with attention. I wonder sometimes if I subconsciously let myself get fat so I can be invisible - the opposite of when I used to starve myself to get as small ("invisible") as possible.
I love looking and feeling my best, getting dressed up and feeling fantastic. It gives me confidence and self-respect. I just hate the attention that comes with it. But we can't sacrifice being our best just so we don't stand out, right?
I went to blend in with my husband's colleagues and their spouses. I don't want to stand out at the school pick-up gathering at my son's school. I want to go anywhere and just feel "normal". And for that to be with where I live and with who we associate with, I cannot be obese.
Just the other day when my son had his prom photos taken, all the parents were milling around. I was the ONLY one overweight. So, yes, I want to be invisible in a way as I don't want to stand out as the fat one in the group. I just want to appear healthy and fit. And if that makes me invisible, then GREAT! I would rather be invisible than noticed for being the fat lady.
For me, it isn't so much about the compliments, it's about how people look at me. When I was very overweight, I noticed that people in the office, out in public (@ the mall or whatever) almost never looked me in the eye - no one paid any attention/smiled at me or would say hello. This was especially noticeable in the office; the people I worked with didn't say "hi" or "good morning" to me nearly as much as other people.
I've heard others say similar things, and it makes me so sad!
Anyway, I find that the older I get, the less I get comments about my weight (thin or fat). Maybe it's because now that I'm middle-aged, people expect me to be pudgy. I don't know. And when I do get comments after weight loss, it's usually something sarcastic ("Come on, Skinny, it's time for dinner.")
