Whenever I've let myself into the mindset of settling at being fat, I think it was mostly a case of sour grapes. I've spent an entire lifetime being obese and much of it was spent feeling like I wasn't worthy of being treated like a regular person. So many times I've thought, "well screw it, I'll never be thin anyway" and would use that to justify not being accountable for myself. I also felt justified in knowing that I could still get around just fine and figured that was all I needed.
But I was partially fooling myself. Well yeah, I was getting around fine, but I never had the energy I wanted and was always looking for a place to sit down. Finding clothes that fit properly and are at least somewhat flattering has always been a struggle. On a trip to a theme park, I found I wasn't able to fit on some of the older rides (and that was after I'd already lost 75 pounds, I can't even imagine how much worse that day would have been at my highest weight)! I nearly passed out once while driving down the road, most likely because I so out of shape.
I've had to learn to love myself after years of anger, resentment, and low self-esteem. I've dealt with being repeatedly sexually molested as a child, combined with emotional eating and using my fat as a cloak of invisibility towards men. While I hated being fat, it gave me a sense of security, and it eventually became a sense of security for my ex as well. He didn't want me to lose weight, as he was afraid I'd get confident to attract someone else's attention that was actually good for me (heh, guess he was right). I still struggle with that all that in my head at times, but I'm making my will to be healthy stronger. Getting hit on is still scary, but the social awkwardness is easier to deal with now than when I was younger (plus it doesn't hurt to have a ring to flash at guys giving me unwanted attention, lol).
I can wish that my life was better in the past, but that doesn't do me much good. What I can do is take steps today to ensure that I have a healthier, happier future.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life sitting on the sidelines because I'm too tired to participate in all the fun stuff.