I agree with the ppl who said that food is everywhere, and we all have to learn to deal with temptation. If not at home, then it'll be at work, at parties, at the movies, at a friend's house, going by a drive-thru... the list goes on and on.

Is it easier if there's nothing in the house to tempt you? Sure. But is it realistic to expect it.. probably not. The decision has to come from inside you. No one else. It's your journey, not your bf's (but he has his own). He's responsible for where he's at, and what he does. You too. And I personally find that empowering rather than not feeling in control of my environment. (I live with a 170 pound husband and 3 kids aged 8 and under... yeah, we have a LOT of junk in the house at all times. It's something I have to look at every.single.day). ;)

GL!

Compromise. Your boyfriend likes those foods and is allowed to choose to eat them (even if YOU think he shouldn't) and keep them in your shared home. At the same time, you can explain yourself to him and the difficulty you have controlling yourself around those foods, and hope that he's willing to work with you on strategies that help you maintain control (and given that he threw them away just for you, it certainly sounds like he's willing).

My husband isn't with me on my weight loss journey. He's generally very supportive of my efforts, but he still pretty much eats the way he always has. There are ALWAYS cookies and candy and chips and crackers in our house, even though if it were solely up to me we would never have those things around. I've had to learn not to eat them, and understand that he has a right to have the foods he enjoys at home. He has the right to order a pizza if he wants one, even if it KILLS me to smell it and see it when I'm having my grilled chicken and vegetables for dinner and want a slice of pizza more than anything. Still, I feel it's within my right to make certain reasonable requests - like, "please don't leave the package of cookies on the counter, as when I see them there it's really hard for me to avoid eating them. Could you make sure to put them in the pantry instead, so I don't have to look at them and feel tempted every time I go into the kitchen?" I have to give those reminders often (at least every few weeks), but he gets it and will always put them away.

Find the middle ground. Some control on your part, and a few reasonable accommodations on his.

It sounds like he isn't in the "I want to lose weight boat, yet.".. I live with my mom-140 pounds overweight and brother-200 pounds overweight.. They do this CONSTANTLY. Actually, my moms "sabotaging" which was really just her doing what she has always done caused a 2 month off the wagon period for me. I do not do well with temptation. I feel that it is like an addiction.. and like addicts we have to avoid our triggers. I asked her to put all of her cereals, and sweets in the cabinets (since she felt it was necessary to literally fill the kitchen counter tops with soda and processed junk). She is getting better about it. My SO has been going grocery shopping for me since I have been in pain and he has really done well (mind you, this took 4 months) but now I send him with all of my requests and he gets himself ONLY junk that I DON'T like. Eventually, I know I will be stronger but the struggle is too deep right now for me to be around triggers.
I would have a real heart to heart with your boyfriend and let him know that you weren't meaning to blame him for you eating things you shouldn't but you have a hard time controlling yourself and it would mean the world to you if he did something/anything to keep those things out of your sight. Let him know how much you want to lose, and that food addiction is real.
I hope things get better for you. It sounds like he is already putting forth some effort to not bring those things home.

I think a line should be drawn somewhere between your will power and him encouraging you. People probably wouldn't keep bottles of alcohol on the counter if they lived with an alcoholic- they would probably be trying to help them avoid temptation for their health and well-being. I agree that separating his bad food from your food would be a fair compromise, and is probably the best way to go about it. While he should be able to eat what he wants, it shouldn't be left around on the counters and whatnot. Constant temptation certainly makes things harder!

My trigger food is pizza. I know I can't avoid pizza when it's in the house, especially for the rest of my life, so I've learned to enjoy one or two slices and work it into my calorie allowance instead of over-indulging, or avoiding it and being miserable. I'd suggest working a brownie a day into your calorie allowance if you count calories, that way you learn control but those pounds still get to fly off!

Just to play the Devil's advocate. . .perhaps your bf doesn't want you to lose the weight. He might be apprehensive about what will happen after you lose the weight and turn into a swan. That said, you need to take care of you, and nobody else is going to do it for you. From now on, anything not on your plan is off limits and just stick to that, as if anything else is literally poison. jmo

I suppose I am very lucky. I've asked my husband not to bring junk into the house and he doesn't. Since I do the grocer shopping it's not really an issue. I simply don't buy it. I buy him a few things that I cannot eat due to my gluten intolerance (Pringles and Cliff bars) and leave it at that. This week I did buy him a very small container of ice cream because I feel bad for him (he sprained his ankle playing softball). My husband is very tall and thin but what I need is important to him. It's more important than having junk food in the house.

If your boyfriend threw away the food after you spoke to him then it sounds to me like what you need is important to him too. It just make take a while for it to click in his mind. Eventually he'll remember not to bring home the brownies.

i asked my hubby and family to not bring junk food into the house for the first month of my weight loss journey (im on day 13), i sat down with them though, and let them know how weak it makes me feel, and told them i would like to do well for a month before i have the junk in my face.

while i agree that it wasnt his fault, i also think that it would be impossible to succeed without support from those who surround you.

just because you COULD HAVE thrown them away, doesnt mean you should have been put in that situation. if he knew you were on a diet he should have stashed them, or at least talked to you about it

not everyone understands weakness to food, and you should definitely talk to him about it, if he refuses to be supportive, then hes not exactly a great bf

My husband and I are both working at losing weight, but we're using very different weight loss food plans and diet strategies. If we had to keep both his binge-trigger foods and mine out of the house, we'd only be able to keep lettuce, broccoli and other non-starchy veggies in the house. We'd also never be able to ever eat a meal in the house or together.r.

I think the word "sabotage" tends to be overused. It tends to be slapped on anyone who isn't able or willing to be perfectly concerned, supportive and accomodating of our weight loss wishes (and I mean perfectly, because if they're even a smidge "too" helpful or interested in our weight loss, we accuse them of being controlling food-cops).

I've learned that my husband and I (whether both or only one of us is dieting at any given time) need to negotiate EVERYTHING without assuming sabotage. We can't expect the other to give up everything for our individual goals, and we can't expect the other to mind-read and be able to offer the exactly, perfect amount of support without becoming food cop, court, and jury for the other.

There are a lot of possible compromises, but they have to be discussed without anger and defensiveness and that usually means BEFORE the foods enter the house. When one of us would complain about a food that the other brought into the house, it was too difficult to remain calm. The food-bringer would go into defense mode and say hurtful things "Just because you can't control yourself with x, doesn't mean I shouldn't get to eat it, especially if it's the food that is keeping me sane on my diet..."

In many ways, it's even harder with both of us dieting, because dieting tends to mess with emotions, so we're both cranky, on edge, and defensive. And if we don't like what the other is doing, we have more amunition to hurt each other, by criticising the other person's diet choices. "You shouldn't be eating that either..."

Neither of us is willing to give up all of our "treat" foods. We're both on disability, and spend most of our time together. We live in an apartment, so seperate fridges aren't the answer (we have joked about buying a his/her duplex, but we don't really want to resort to that).

For the longest time, my husband didn't understand why I didn't want my worst trigger foods in the house. He doesn't really have as much of a problem with willpower-failure as I do. He probably still doesn't understand, but we've negotiated household "food rules" to help both of us.

For a while we kept hubby's treats in a opaque container on the top shelf. I couldn't reach them, and because the containers were opaque I couldn't see them. To get them, I had to use a step-stool, and when I was tempted, I would remind myself that they didn't belong to me, so it would be like stealing.

Hubby would sometimes eat snacks or meals that I had planned for myself, and that would make me really angry. So we've tweaked the system that works for both of us (but we had to negotiate everything - because we both had very different ideas about what the unspoken "common sense" rules should be).

Now we have the pantry divided up. There's "free-for-all" foods like canned veggies and veggie soups. Everything else is in opaque bins (again so trigger foods aren't in line-of-sight). The bins have labels, and we each have a bin with our name on it for our "treat" foods. Hubby doesn't cut carbs as much as I do, so I know his bin containes my "trigger foods" but they're not mine (and we do keep it on a higher shelf, though no longer, the highest - I could get into it if I wanted to, but that would be breaking our food treaty).

I've arranged the panytry so my trigger and more challenging foods are not in easy sight, reach (such as raisins and craisins, which I love but can easily overeat - they're on one of the harder-to-reach shelves so I have to think before eating).

Hubby and I don't eat many meals together, we've decided that most meals are "fend-for-yourself." One of us may throw a roast or some chicken into the crockpot, but if we want to eat a meal together, we'll discuss that too, to make sure we're not screwing with one of the other's plans.

We do have some foods that we've decided are better to be kept out of the house, but like everything else, we used a negotiate and compromise system to decide which foods those were. We also each had foods we weren't willing to be without, because they were our sanity savers (for my hubby those are crackers and breakfast cereal).


When you're dieting and living with other people who aren't on the same food plan (whether because they're on a different plan or aren't dieting at all)food issues are going to come up. Negotiating compromises is vital, as is patience with mistakes.

I had a hard time breaking my husband of the habit of bringing me fast food or other "comfort foods" when I wasn't feeling well. When I yelled at him, he would get angry and defensive (because he was only trying to be nice and I was the big meany for being a jerk about it), but when I patiently told him I didn't want it, and he should put it in the fridge if he wanted it for himself, or throw it in the trash - and I consistently refused it. He started learning not to bring it home, because I didn't want it.

And he's not the only one that had to learn. The other day, I "slipped up" myself when we were out grocery shopping and I saw my hubby's favorite snack chips in individual serving bags on sale, and threw a couple bags into the cart without thinking. Hubby asked if those were for me, and I said, "No, I bought them for you."

He reminded me that we had agreed to buy only our own "treats," and even though he was nice about it, I did feel defensive for a second (I was only trying to be nice), but before I said anything snappy I checked myself and reminded myself that he was absolutely right, we both had agreed to the "rules" and we needed to both abide by them.

It's tough sometimes though - because most of us have been raised to see food as much more than just nourishment - but also a way to show love and to chare and celebrate a special experience with others. It takes a lot of learning and patience (on both sides) to live with someone on a different food path.

Wow thank you for all of the replies. Seems it is not always an easy answer. First, no, I won't leave him. He has his issues (as do I) but no, he is usually awesome.
As far as throwing them out on him, oh no. He would NOT be pleased about that. He came from a family that at one time was so poor they had to live in their Aunt & Uncles barn with no running water etc. I jokingly tell him he has "food aggression issues" but I do kind of mean it.
And YES many of you are right on the will power. I do have it most days...as long as I don't see it, I do not want it. However I also have picked up a little project to do between now and Christmas to keep the hands busy for the local animal shelter, so that will help.
Funny, we went grocery shopping Friday after work, my side of the cart was pretty good, lots of fresh fruit, veggies etc. His was 12 boxes of Bistro's, mega pizza hotdogs. But I was determined to make him something better for a few meals. So I used my morning off to make him a nice chicken soup (healthy version) which he loved. So at least he has something healthy in him!

Oh, btw, I skipped my w.i that week, but I did go Friday. I showed 4.5LB loss. AND I told her about my stupid 18 brownie moment.
I think I am going to start tracking again. AND today I am going to premake some more meals.

thank you for everyone's posts....

So far he is trying very hard to support me on this journey by not bringing stuff into the house :)! WOW! And I think of this post often when I am waffling...I need the willpower and this thread is helping, so thanks for the support AND the tough love!