Location: Smack dab in the middle, Newfoundland, Canada
Posts: 668
S/C/G: 203.4/170.4/140.0
Height: 5'0"
"Are you sure you want that? What about the calories?" *scream*
I wish people would stop policing what I eat under the guise of being "concerned" for me.
Case in point: Today I didn't have a whole lot to eat; this morning I had a bowl of Kashi GoLean cereal with skim milk and blueberries, and a banana. For lunch I had a whole-wheat English muffin with light peanut butter, an apple, and a glass of skim milk. For dinner, I had grilled chicken breast and a spinach salad.
So now I'm feeling a bit peckish, and I'm craving ice cream to boot. Now, I very seldom eat ice cream; it's something I have, literally, once or twice a year. My mother was going out to pick up coffee from Tim Horton's for her and a friend and asked if I wanted her to pick me up anything. I seized the opportunity and asked if she'd get me a small hot fudge sundae from McDonalds.
And she goes, "Are you sure you want that? I mean, it doesn't matter, I suppose, but I'm only thinking of the calories that must be in that."
..........
OK, how about if *I* worry about the damn calories?! I'm not stupid, I know it's not the best choice, but honest to god, you'd swear I was eating the damn things every day. I cannot *remember* the last time I had a damn sundae and I certainly don't think I should have to explain or defend my choices to anyone, let alone my own mother (who, of all people, should damn well know better, because she KNOWS I don't eat this kind of stuff often.)
I'm just so angry about it! It's like, look, just because *you* can't control yourself doesn't mean *I* can't. And for god's sake, I've lost over sixty pounds, you don't friggin' well do that by chowing down on McDonalds sundaes all the time, now, do you? I work my *** off in the gym, I exercise seven days a week, I eat healthy 80% of the time. The other 20%? I shouldn't have to damn well explain myself to people.
AGH, it just gets on my nerves so much. I feel so...judged. And I shouldn't.
response: yes, yes i am sure. (and if you have the food available, take a bite!)
i know it's just concern, but the only person i allow to make those comments to me are my husband, because he sees what i eat most of the time, and i've told him to help me be the police when i'm not thinking straight. i also leave my food diary available for him to look at.
That would irritate me too!!! Unless you ask a person to call you out ahead of time in a moment of weakness (I've asked DH to do such a thing before), it's kind of rude to say something to someone about what they're eating! You've lost so much weight I don't see why she'd feel the need to comment.
I understand the frustration, my husband gives me crap all the time but he can't even read the label on food nor does he make any of his own meals. I have to remind myself sometimes that he's trying to be supportive in his own way and that he isn't trying to judge, and I do need that at times to keep me accountable.
You've done a great job, don't let one bad incident throw you off track!
I had a very similar experience. I was visiting my parents and went with them for their weekly shopping trip. I picked up a pint of ice cream. My dad saw this and said "is that part of your diet?". This was loud enough for people around us to hear. I could have smacked him. Yes, whatever I choose to eat is part of my diet. If I want to eat ice cream, I am going to eat ice cream. The kicker is that he is very overweight and shovels down ice cream like there is no tomorrow, but feels like he needs to help ME with my diet. Oh well, you can't help but laugh at the things some people say.
That drives me nuts too, though I get very little of it in my life and am so thankful for that! If it was my mom, I'd tell her I had it under control and her comments were unnecessary and hurt my feelings because of xyz.
If it was someone else, I'd just say I have it under control and planned for. If they persisted, I'd get more snarky. Most people have our best interests in mind and don't realize how such comments come off, when they are trying to show interest or concern, so I respond accordingly. To actual, unrepentant food police I am significantly less generous with my responses.
My mom has done the same thing as well. I told her that I know what I'm doing, I count calories and I can fit it into my plan. I also told her that I'm a food addict and if I want something, I'll find a way to have it, whether she's there to see it or not, so there's really no point in her making any comments about what I am or am not eating. So far, she has stopped the comments. I think it's important to spell it out sometimes.
I hear you. I am at my goal weight, exercise 6 days a week and people are always questioning me about what I eat...I have a scale...I can occasionally splurge!
It's like we can't win with some people. Either I'm seen as being too restrictive or I'm seen as out of control. Ok, I admit that some of that is true, but that's just how I do things and comments don't help me....this is my struggle and I have lots of others....except eating and weight are very visible struggles so people feel the need to comment I guess.
This is why I've always been a secret dieter. I can't stand it when people who don't know a thing about dieting judge something I've chosen to eat, especially if I've allowed for it. Annoying.
My parents do that to me from time to time as well. I try not to let it get to me. They mean well and certainly don't intend to make me feel scrutinized and judged. And really, I have to own that reaction. Why do I feel judged? Probably because I haven't made prudent food choices before (or I wouldn't have made it to 230 in the first place) and I don't like to be reminded of it. I've changed my lifestyle and my relationship with food and when they make those sorts of comments it makes me feel as if those changes are being marginalized.
Im lucky enough to not have my boyfriend or family monitor what i put in my mouth or comment on it but my coworkers....ugh. If someone leaves some cookies or donuts and i have 1 automatically they chime in "arent you on a diet?/Youre going to break your diet!" or some comment of that sort. I mean, i usually would not mind that but its just irritating because its not like they are the ones trying to lose weight. So i completely understand where you are coming from, im sorry if you cant stop yourself from eating 3 donuts, but i work hard and watch what i eat 9 out of 10 times so i deserve an indulgence or two.
That must be so frustrating! You did an awesome job on your loss, she should know by now you are responsible with food.
What this makes me think of though is something I hadn't thought about yet, once you hit maintenace people are still always gonna be looking at what you eat! It's not like people who are overweight and not on a diet get told what to eat. And people that always were healthy weight and never were on a diet dont get such comments. Only people that have invested time and energy in getting healthier get these "tips". While if there's a group of people that needs no advice it's those people, given that they spent so much time learning about nutrition.
That is why I NEVER tell anybody I am dieting, as soon as you do the Food Police will show up and they will monitor every bite you take, and make unwanted comments.
"Are you sure you want that? What about the calories?" *scream*
