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-   -   Hard to watch people regain (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-support/256642-hard-watch-people-regain.html)

berryblondeboys 04-10-2012 12:53 PM

Hard to watch people regain
I can't blog about this because these two people read my blog and I don't want them to feel bad - I know how much of a mental game this whole change of lifestyle is. Losing weight is relatively easy - because it's short term, but keeping up the routine for life is the hard part and regaining is all too common.

Two people in my real life lost a lot of weight on their own through diet and exercise about a year before I started. One got derailed by a difficult surgery and the other just is struggling with keeping up the determination. I've watched both regain about half of their lost weight - I'm assuming. It looks it.

I feel so sad for them as I know how much both of them want to be thinner and above all, healthier and of course, it puts the worry in my head too - if it happened to them, it could happen to me too - losing focus, getting lazy with habits, getting side tracked.

I also wonder how my continued downward trend (though much, much slower now) bothers/hurts them. I don't want that, of course. I can't really say anything, but it puts me in an awkward position sometimes.

But mostly, it makes me sad to see them struggling. Has that happened with you?

Thistleberry 04-10-2012 01:00 PM

My oldest brother lost over 50 lbs doing low carb a year or so ago and has sadly gained quite a bit back. In his case, I think it's about education. He went to a nutritionist (dietician? I'm not certain) and she placed him on this diet. It was handed to him and he went with it; he didn't understand why it worked or what to do to maintain it. Now he wants to know what I'm doing and I've tried to explain it to him but he simply doesn't seem to care about the why. Makes all the difference, I think.

PinkLotus 04-10-2012 01:06 PM

I'm always the one who's doing the regaining, unfortunately. I have this tendency to fall off the wagon for various reasons (pregnancy, injury, just plain losing motivation) and undoing all the hard work I put into losing weight. Being on that end of the stick, I'll tell you that for me, when I've fallen off the wagon and see people still going, I feel jealous that they are continuing to succeed while I failed. It makes me feel bad about myself, but it's my own issues and problems, and I'm genuinely happy for them that they are still going.
Although I do have a friend who I've watched regain a couple of times as well. Right now I'm very motivated and have been working really hard to stay motivated and she's on a regain. I feel awful for her since I've been there, but there's not much I can do but focus on my own journey.
I guess all you can do is be there for them, offer support and encouragement and hope that maybe you can help inspire them to get back on track.

LockItUp 04-10-2012 01:08 PM

It's part of the journey. I've lost and gained back, and lost and gained back. It happens. I think it's just part of it for some people. I definitely understand why you feel sad and concerned; it's a lot of hard work to throw away not to mention a threat health wise. But it happens when you aren't quite "there" yet I think. They will hopefully learn from it and next time they lose they will have more tools to keep them from gaining it back.

Volschika007 04-10-2012 01:14 PM

I definitely know how you feel. One side of my family are all just obese. I watch them start diets all the time and lose about 20 pounds and then give up. It seems like in the end they're just constantly getting bigger and bigger. It particularly makes me sad because my cousin is one of them. We're the same age and while I know I'm not skinny either, I just feel shocked each time I see her and she's just bigger and bigger. It hurts me. I mean what happens one day when she wants kids? Diabetes also runs in our family I don't want to see her get that either... :(

Arctic Mama 04-10-2012 01:29 PM

It is hard to watch and I don't want to be insensitive in how I respond, but their journeys are their own and I always hope that if someone is curious they'll ask me questions and if they're discouraged, they should realize that if I can do it, anyone can. But beyond that I just focus in my own journey with humility to realize that with the hard, daily work, where there are is where I could be.

Porthardygurl 04-10-2012 01:31 PM

I guess thats the thing..for those of us that have been obese a long time..losing weight may just have to be a way of life. We may never be able to go back to just "Regular" eating..as much as it sucks..if we want to make sure we dont put it on..i suppose we are going to have to always be on a type of diet

Brandis 04-10-2012 01:51 PM

I have the same issue with my sis in law. She is so heavy right now I am shocked. I see her start to try to lose weight, do okay for awhile, and stop. She is a slow loser so she gives up easily. She figures if she only loses a pound every other week, that's just not fast enough and well, just gives up. She doesn't notice if you gain a few pounds a month, that that is soooooo much worse than only losing 1 every few weeks. She has also fallen into the processed food trap, and her kids are just getting fatter and fatter. That makes me sadder than anything else. Knowing there will be yet another generation that does not know what fresh food is, but will be well versed in taking blood sugars and medications for their obesity. My nephew is so big now I did not recognize him, and it has only been a few mos. since I last saw him. It is sad, but I just remember that I don't want to be like that anymore, and that is why I am on this journey again. Maybe if I eventually succeed, I can be a role model for others.

linJber 04-10-2012 02:50 PM

I think the problem is in thinking there is a "normal" way to eat that doesn't involve restraint. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked, "Are you ever going to be able to eat normal food?" When I ask what they mean by "normal" I always get the same answer - like you ate before. People don't get it that how we ate before obviously wasn't working and they tend to think of losing weight as a temporary situation, then you can go back to "normal." I guess it takes a while for it to sink in that this is how you also maintain.

pixelllate 04-10-2012 02:52 PM

I have regained several times, what I can't stand is that people who have never tried to lose look down on regainers. It can be hard, esp when no one supports you and you have low self-esteem. Now I am working on me on the inside, so that I can maintain.
On the plus side, since I have regained, I know its not that scary and I can always go back to losing the weight-as I have like 4 other times lol, I would just rather not have to go through this losing process again.
I admire the people who live with weight loss saboteurs, I dont think that I could ever lose at home. I'm really relieved that I don't live with my parents anymore lol.
EDIT-I also tell myself that its OK to be a statisical outlier. So what if 95% diets fail or whatever! I've scored pretty high on some tests compared to other test takers, so if I am in that 5% of successful dieters then so be it-its possible.

berryblondeboys 04-10-2012 03:01 PM


Originally Posted by linJber (Post 4287816)
I think the problem is in thinking there is a "normal" way to eat that doesn't involve restraint. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked, "Are you ever going to be able to eat normal food?" When I ask what they mean by "normal" I always get the same answer - like you ate before. People don't get it that how we ate before obviously wasn't working and they tend to think of losing weight as a temporary situation, then you can go back to "normal." I guess it takes a while for it to sink in that this is how you also maintain.

Well, they could be meaning - eating normal food - not just normal amounts of food - or the amounts of food you ate before.

For me, I plan to eat all foods. I'll just less of them than before. Well, i'll no longer eat cheetos. (I was eating a bag a day!!!!), but I will eat cookies and cake on occasion. I'm not giving up all those foods and haven't on this journey either. I have just finally learned what moderation means!

DollyMichele 04-10-2012 03:02 PM

I completely agree with Thistle berry - I think it is largely education. A lot of people think there is this *ONE* magic way to lose weight. They follow the plan and once hit the goal weight they think - I can go back to eating "normal" (linJber- you are so on point there!) they never learn how to manage day by day, meal by meal in the real world away from all the restrictions & rules of the original plan. I know I was like that. I followed calorie counting & my trainer religiously for months. I lost 30 pounds and once i hit goal - *Zap* back to being "normal". add 5 years & I was back at my highest weight. =( THis time I get it, there is no magic plan. "eating Normal" = gaining weight. I will never be normal in that sense again. but I know this time I am mentally prepared for this & more likely to make this permanent. sad though - seeing people struggle. I think we have all been there.

Moonsai 04-10-2012 03:37 PM

My husband went down to 220lbs when he moved to Florida with me. He then quit his job for another, and the other turned out to be a lie. So we had to move north with his parents. Unfortunately, he would eat and eat and EAT their CRAP (sorry, their menu ticks me off) until he got to 275lbs. If we didn't move out when we did, he probably would have passed 300.

Lucky we've moved out again and he's down to 250lbs and is in the same pants size he was in when we were in Florida. :)

freelancemomma 04-10-2012 04:39 PM

Yes. Many years ago I saw one of my coworkers lose a ton of weight, then balloon back up remarkably quickly. She was a smart and motivated woman and was in a good place mentally (had just started a passionate new relationship), so I figured she was making the tradeoff (more food for more weight) with eyes wide open.


TamiL 04-10-2012 05:14 PM

I have nothing but pure empathy for people that regain. I have been there so many times in my life before. Its a cycle that is so hard to break, so many reasons why we gain back what we fought so hard to lose.

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