So today someone asked me pointedly how much weight I have lost. To me, that's like asking how much someone weighs - I feel uncomfortable sharing exactly how many pounds I have lost, just as I would feel uncomfortable telling someone how much I weigh (aside from my husband).
This is someone who has been a big cheerleader for me ever since I have started losing weight. I never told her I was trying to lose, but she noticed. I know she wishes me well, but I also know that in her excitement for me, she would tell other people (who I might not want to share with) how much I have lost - in an "Isn't she amazing!" sort of way.
I told her that I was taking a break from the scale and didn't even know the exact amount - which is a total lie, as all of you can see my ticker counting down every little ounce lost! However, this is the only place I am completely open about numbers - the last time my husband knew how much I weighed (at a doctor's appointment) was at 165lbs, so he isn't even up to speed.
How do you tactfully avoid telling people how much weight you have lost or hope to lose? I am embarrassed by how much I have lost because it tells people how heavy I actually was. Those of you who "know" me on here know that I am really sensitive about things like this, so I hope I don't offend anyone. I know lots of people are open books and like to shout it from the rooftops when they have achieved weight loss success, but I am very private and don't like a lot of attention in that area.
Ugh!!!!!!!! I have had this problem countless times--with people from good friends and family to people I BARELY know.
I started by just smiling and saying thank you when people commented on how much I'd lost. If it was a direct question that clearly wasn't going to be let go, I'd just say "a lot" and move on to another topic.
For me, only my doctor and you guys know my weight. It's private for me.
This is a tricky one. I've had some people ask me recently (a client, one of the partners here, my dentist) and I was pretty honest. Sometimes I use one of the equivalents I saw here, like an elephant's penis (for a while, I was telling people I'd lost an elephant's penis and a handful of hamsters). I'm about at my comfort level for disclosure, though. 70 pounds seems like a lot but not horribly embarrassing; 100 pounds is just too much to admit to, except to close friends (that's assuming I get there!).
So, my advice is either to deflect through humor (elephant's penis) or honestly tell people you're trying not to focus too much on the number, but on the new lifestyle you're adopting.
I think we might have the same friend, though. My biggest supporter here at work is always saying things like, Steph lost 70 pounds, isn't that great?? Because she really thinks it is and that I should be nothing but proud of myself. I'm trying to just say "thanks" when people tell me I look great, even though I still feel hugely fat.
I just tell them. I'm proud of the work I've put in, and not particularly ashamed of how heavy I used to be. They can do the math and come to their own conclusions, but I worked HARD to lose all that weight.
If it is someone I don't know well or who I don't believe it asking just out of complimentary curiosity, I'll usually just say 'a lot!', but I don't mind giving specifics for close friends or family. I might not give exact numbers as to where I am now or what I was, but saying '80 pounds down, or 100 if we're counting baby weight!' is no big deal to me.
i just say "15lbs since the 1st of march" - what sets ppl spinning is when i tell them i have 100lbs total to lose - i kind of like it when they look me up and down and say "where!?" then hastily assure me that yes, i have weight to lose, but not that much! it's nice to see for once someone else digging a foot-hole in their oral cavity, lol.
I know it may seem like an inappropriate question, but each person is so different about how they feel about their weight and any loss/gain, that most people are simply unsure of how to act and what to ask. They don't want to be rude and not acknowledge such a big transformation, many people understand how difficult weight loss can be and don't want to just shrug off the tremendous amount of work a person has put into losing weight. Because they don't know exactly how to act, we are often going to come across people that ask questions that we may feel are inappropriate or are not comfortable discussing.
For me, I want people to ask. Like many others, I have worked really hard to lose 60lbs, I'm proud of my accomplishment. I was not invisible before (as much as I would like to have been), so I'm sure people had a good idea of my size and weight. There just is no hiding 265lbs. If others weren't noticing a loss and didn't think it was a big deal, I would be a little disappointed (yes, I know, doing this for me, better health, etc., but there is still that degree of vanity). A few weeks ago, I women I work with commented that it looked like I had lost a few pounds. She didn't mean to diminish my loss, however, I was quick to correct her and say I've lost 60lbs. A few pounds to me is my water weight fluctuation from day to day, I want some credit for losing 60. She was surprised, especially when I mentioned I was a work in progress and had a ways to go still.
With all this being said, sharing numerical totals with others is completely an individual thing. While I don't mind sharing my total loss, if someone asked me my actual weight right now, or my starting weight, or clothing sizes, there is no way I'd tell them. My best advice for questions you don't want to answer is to just tell them the truth. It's just not something you want to share, or are ready to share. I've found that many people will not push the subject or even ask again in the future if you simply tell them you don't want to share. Brush the comments aside often leads to them being more persistent. Just something as simple as "I really appreciate the huge amount of support I get from you, but as far as actual numbers, I'm just really not ready to share." Don't make a big deal out of it, just a simple fact, nothing more is needed.
Howdy. I have to say, when I first started this adventure, I had lost around 50 lbs. before anyone even noticed. Then all of a sudden, everyone did. I lost 10 more after that and have since found it.
I spend a lot of time socially with my friends and it always seems to involve a potluck or dinner, so most of my friends know I am no longer eating a whole chocolate cake for dessert ;-) Typically I bring something that fits into my plan for everyone to share (thankfully I'm a good cook and they only know it's "diet" food 'cause I tell them) and I bring enough of other stuff for just myself so I can cover the best of both. If possible, I have other couples over here for dinner so I can control my potions etc. carefully and still do dinner with another couple. And when they ask how much I've lost, I tell them. They all knew me before I quit smoking and got fat, so it isn't really a surprise that I needed to change my lifestyle. And I am dang proud of every ounce I lost. I WORKED for it. REALLY worked. And I always hope that even for ppl I don't know very well, if I can inspire someone else to try eating some veggies or riding a bicycle, then I am happy to pay it forward.
I don't usually say how much I started at or what I weigh now, but I always answer how much I've lost. I guess if someone was being snarky, I would just say "not quite enough yet" and leave it at that.
The numbers never really bothered me, though I never encountered anyone gutsy enough to ask me how much I weighed when I was heavier. No one will even ask that question now - though I'd answer it honestly if someone did. I think my age puts me at an advantage in the "who cares" department. I think the vague answers are good if you don't want to share. When someone would ask how much more I wanted to lose, I'd say "enough to get to a healthy BMI." Something like that.
I'll tell you what really bothers me, though, and I know it's just a quirk. When people say I should be proud of what I've done, I cringe. It's hard to accept that (for me) because to me, this is simply what I should have done all along. Not something to be proud of, because if I am proud of this, the converse is to be ashamed of weighing 250+ pounds for 25 years. don't all answer at once - I know what they mean, and I know what I mean. I guess my point is that we're all different and we all take the compliments differently.
I'm glad for all the support people showed me. People from church that I don't really know have spoken to me and told me they had been noticing all along but were afraid to say something because they didn't know me well enough. It made me realize how much I liked hearing those things and now I try to notice nice things - whatever it might be - about others and make a comment, even if I don't know them.
Take the compliment because you deserve it - but you could tell your cheering section that you sometimes feel uncomfortable about the attention and ask that they keep things low key. Of course, do this after thanking them from the bottom of your heart for the support and encouragement they give. We need each other and each other's support. I guess we just have to learn how to accept it in the form it's offered.
I just say "a lot" and stop talking if I don't feel like going into the numbers. If they ask again, I'll just say "a whole lot!" Usually after that they stop pestering me.
I ran into one of my professors from undergrad recently and he didn't recognize me until I told him who I was. I didn't quite mind telling him because he had honest questions about how I lost the weight, what I did, etc. He's pretty into healthy living and all that so I could tell he was honestly curious.
I'm one of those people who don't mind telling people the number. But I'd go with saying "a lot" or "I am one of those amazing people who lost weight but has never stepped on a scale" LOL! Or say like "500" or something totally exaggerated.
I may be strange, but I can't wait until people ask me how much weight I have lost. They probably won't ever ask again though cause I'll go through at least 15 minutes of how much, why, and how!
I have many friends and have worked with many people from many different socio-economic backgrounds, ethnic backgrounds, from many different parts of the US and from foreign cultures.
I know this doesn't seem to have anything to do with the original question, but the reason it does, is that I've learned there are virtually no universal inappropriate questions. Different groups/individuals have different ideas about what is inappropriate conversation and what isn't. What one culture or subculture considers rude, another considers polite and even rude not to ask. You can't expect anyone to "know" what you consider an inappropriate question, so you have to learn to be open - not necessarily open to ANSWERING any question, but open enough to communicate your discomfort or unwillingness to answer.
And I think the simplest and most diplomatic way to do so - is to communicate as honestly and as simply as possible:
"That's not something I'm comfortable talking about."
Short, sweet, honest and it doesn't judge the values of the person for asking the question. And it can be used in virtually any situation - whether someone is asking you a question normally considered rude, or just one you aren't comfortable answering for personal reasons.
I am one of those people who would come straight out and ask someone. Why? Because I don't find it offensive or rude and if someone asked me, I wouldn't even think twice about telling them. Now, when I was at my highest, I didn't want to tell anyone what I was. But now that I've lost 20 pounds, I have no problem telling people what my highest was since I am not there anymore and its not embarrassing any longer. I find the question as simple as asking someone their natural hair color.
I understand that asking "What did you weigh before" might offend some people, but I don't understand how asking "how much have you lost" could be offensive. That question will not tell them how much you weighed before nor how much you currently weigh. It just tells how successful you have been!
I found it easier to tell the size I started in instead of my pounds. This being said I avoided at all costs discussing it. Another thing too is to just say you never got on the scale until recently--only headed for fitness and health.
Last edited by Thighs Be Gone; 03-29-2012 at 08:29 PM.
People asking how much weight you have lost
However, this is the only place I am completely open about numbers - the last time my husband knew how much I weighed (at a doctor's appointment) was at 165lbs, so he isn't even up to speed.
