Lack of support at from my father..
 

So, my mom is usually supportive in my weight loss endeavors, but my dad...not so much. He is constantly bringing in unhealthy and tempting foods like ice cream and stuff and when I asked him to stopped, he said it wasn't his fault I'm trying to change.../:

welcome to the wonderful world of men.

my daughter's father (not my father, oops) does the same thing - pizza three days in a row before i finally blew up about it (we NEVER normally eat pizza because he doesn't like it when i make from scratch - crust too hard; he doesn't like it from the store - he bought one once that had a soggy crust (once!); and the local pizza joint doesn't deliver and charges an arm and a leg). he's also loaded the joint with pop (again, we NEVER buy pop because we don't want our daughter drinking it - she has had weight issues her whole life), candies, and other bits of crap.

i was complimented by someone he was skyping and he said "yeah, well, we'll see how long that lasts".

men do not like change - bottom line. that's why men are in charge but it's women who get things done and actually know what's going on.

here's the fun part: you'll lose the weight and be looking fit and fabu, and your dad'll be all puffed out and acting like it was all his idea and he, personally, coached you every step of the way.

just try not to kill him, okay?

Unfortunately, he's right. Just because you have changed your eating doesn't mean he has to change his. That would be unfair, especially if you are living in his house. Just don't eat his food. Easier said than done, I know, but the only other thing you can do is move out (if you live with your parents) so you can control what food comes in or out.

imo, that's not how it's supposed to work.

a "family" is supposed to support and encourage each other - it's not a collection of individuals each living their own separate lives under the same roof.

he's not going to DIE if he has to step out of the house for his ice cream fix for the next little while but keeping it in the house could make or break weight loss success for some ppl.

my daughter's father and i came to an understanding - i'm okay if they want pizza, just give me a heads-up so i'm not busting my hump on the computer and then my stomach starts growling because i suddenly realized the house smells of pizza. he also needed to be reminded that our daughter has had serious weight issues in the past and such behaviour is not only hurting me, it's hurting her and could have lifelong impact, particularly since T2 diabetes runs down both sides of his family (both his parents died of complications).

so yes - he needs to change the way he eats, at least for the next little while until i can start reintroducing more normal levels into my diet.


put it this way: if you were trying to quit smoking, would you appreciate it if your husband kept smoking in front of you?

Yes, this losing weight business is essentially a lonely business. You are the one in charge, not your dad. You are the one putting the healthy food in your mouth, not your dad. You are the one doing the exercise, not your dad. You are the one wanting to lose the weight, not your dad.

So go ahead and lose the weight. Don't eat the unhealthy, but tempting, food that your dad brings home. It's your weight-loss journey, not his. So just go ahead and lose the weight. :wave:

A grown man has the right to eat what he wants in his own house. Being supportive does NOT mean he has to diet along with her, that's ridiculous. It just means that he doesn't follow her around trying to shove ice cream in her mouth and he cheers for her when she does well.
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When I quit smoking, I quit smoking. It was MY quit, not my fiance's. He did smoke outside, but that's because we have children and that's always been our rule.

Completely agree.

To the OP: I agree that it totally sucks that your family doesn't eat the healthiest foods, and wont change their eating habits for you...but..no one loses weight in 100% ideal circumstances all the time. There are going to be struggles and things you have to deal with. :hug:

well, all i'm saying is, that's not my idea of what a family does.

if my hubbie wants to quit drinking or smoking, i wouldn't be drinking in front of him and i wouldn't let guests drink or smoke in the house.

when he develops full-blown diabetes, i won't be bringing candies and other stuff i know he can't eat into the house and yes, the family will be eating meals to his schedule.

if he wanted to lose weight, i wouldn't be throwing temptation at him by keeping his favourite forbidden foods around or by coming home with pizza.

someone who wants to make a change for the better in their health shouldn't be kicked out into the cold like that, particularly when it's a given that those with active support are most likely to succeed and least likely to relapse.

I agree that it would be nice if her dad didn't bring the stuff home but it's unfair to expect it or get mad at him when he doesn't. He's not on her weight loss journey.

My situation is reversed. My Mom isn't quite so harsh - "It's not my fault you are attempting to change", wth? - but she doesn't understand. My Dad gets mad at her and tells her to lay off the junk food and she tries to an extent but it usually just comes down to me monitoring myself. It's hard and kinda frustrating but doable.

I know it's up to me to control what I eat, but I wish my dad was a bit more considerate, you know? He's been in my position before. He lost his father to diabetes and he is diabetic himself, as is my mother. He gobbles down a box and a half of Goobers a night. I'm not asking him to change his life, because I know he won't, but at least a bit of acknowledgement to what I'm trying to do would be appreciated.

So... tell him that.

This is about being good roommates.

He doesn't have to change what he wants to eat. But in acknowledgement that you ARE trying, would he please talk to you about fair compromise?

Like... keeping his snacky things in a basket out of sight? On his shelf on the fridge? Or his cupboard?

My DH is a junk food fiend. That's our solution. All in a basket on top of the fridge rather than spread out on the counters. There. He can still have all he wants, and I don't have to be looking at it.

A.

Going out on a limb here!

You cannot change the people around you. The only person you can change is you.

This does change the relationships you have with those people, and, obviously, some don't like it. That is their problem, not yours.

Ultimately, the only person you need to to be responsible for and to, is yourself. Take the issues the other people have with what you are doing, and hand them back to them.

It's not your problem.

My DH has more health problems than Playboy has issues. I'm working very hard at a good lifestyle. He says, he's proud of me, that I watch my diet and I work out, he says, he wishes he could do it. *rolls eyes* HE could, his problem is he wants me to do it for him.

I can't do it for him. At some point in time, he is going to have to take responsibility or suffer the results.

I am more than willing to help him, but, I can't help him until, he is ready to help himself.

Get on with doing what is best for you, and the rest will follow, or not. If they follow, great! If not, it's not your problem!

In my house it is my husband. He brings home candy bars(king size) now(never used to). He says he's not the one trying to lose. And he's right. Food is always going to be around us. We just have to learn which things we NEED and which we want. I gave up sweets for lent so things have been pretty easy for me. I think after Easter(and a huge binge on sweets) I will do another 30 day challenge on sweets. It hasn't killed me.:D

You can't expect someone else to change if you want to change. Men typically have higher metabolisms so even if he was trying to lose weight, he might still be able to eat things you wouldn't want to. My husband keeps tortilla chips as a snack and a few other higher calorie items because he has a high metabolism and is near the bottom of his weight range.

And the unhealthy/healthy food thing isn't just a man thing.