Doing a major victory dance!
 

(**** please see post 4 below for more explanation on why this was so huge after adding this first post.)


I really didn't think this day would ever, ever come. Like ever. Not in my wildest dreams did I think it was possible, but.... It happened! I wear the same size or smaller than my sister! What is even bigger is that my sister is much more petite than I am, so that also means that for us to wear the same size, my sister has more fat than I do.

Oh my gosh!!! I feel a bit bad about being so happy about it, but see.... I "was" the "pretty" one, until I gained weight in late high school and college. Then all the attention started to switch to my sister as she was thinner and morer petite. In a way, I was happy for her because she had always played second fiddle to me. I was better at school and in activities, etc. so, that gave her something to be "better at". However, while I always tried to downplay being better at things because I didn't want to make her feel bad, she loved taunting me and flaunting her body once hers was better. She loved making me feel bad, so I resented that as I never did that to her.

So, when I read her Facebook update just now that she wants to get down to a size 6 in 2 months - and said two sizes in two months, I about hit the floor... Wait a second.... That means she wears a size 10. I wear between a size 8-10 and I'm 3 inches taller than her, she wears a size 6 shoe, I wear a 10. And when we were in high school, my skinny clothes were her fat clothes because of our frame differences.

That means my sister has more fat than me right now.... I feel almost giddy. I'm 42 years old and she is almost 40 and that has never, ever happened.

I know that makes me little and it's petty, but boy does this feel HUGE! Next is to be thinner than my mother in law. I have about 6 pounds to go for that one! (she has been very verbal bout my weight issues over the years).

I'm sure I still weigh more than my sister and probably always will due to our frame size differences and height differences, but this is HUGE! Yay!

Just had to share as I didn't want to be all mean on Facebook, rubbing it in!

You are not petty...you are human. :)

I totally get where you are coming from. I don't have a sister, but I have a sister-in-law. She married my brother a few years ago and she has never seen me during my 'slender' years. She is petite and slender. Although, she has never directly told me that I'm fat, I see the way she disapprovingly looks at me when I use to go for seconds or if I had cake. It doesn't help that she and I aren't chummy and are polite strangers at best whenever we meet a family gatherings, but that's a different story. I can't wait to visit her this summer to show off my new body **fingers crossed** Is that petty? I don't think so. I don't wish any harm towards her just like how you don't wish any harm towards your sister even though she made you feel bad when you were heavier than her.

Congratulations on your weight loss!

That is fantastic! You being happy about this doesn't effect her negatively at all, so just enjoy it guilt-free! Congrats to you on making all this progress berryblonde! I'm super psyched for ya! :carrot:

Thanks gals! I am thinking about it now and I should say that this issue is so much deeper than the surface. My mom played favorites. For most of my sister's upbringing I was favored and we ALL knew it. I tried really hard to stick up for my siblings and tried to make my mom more fair as I knew it was wrong what she was doing.

When I gained weight, it was my mom mor than anyone else that switched allegiances. She started being nicer to my sister and I was glad about that because my sister deserved to be treated better (even though my sister is not a nice person in general - then and now, but I couldn't blame here for hating me either even though it wasn't my fault for her being "second"). It's a very complicated family dynamic. Like, I was happy my sister was being treated better, but now all the negativity was turned towards me. An,d my sister contributed to it - ganging up on me instead of trying to support me like I had tried to do for her.

So, when my mother stopped being nice to me for gaining weight (and we aren't talking a lot of weight - like 20-30 pounds over high school and college), it messed with my head a lot. Might as well have been 400 pounds by how I felt. I also thought that beauty fades and that it was betterr to not be the "pretty one" as people were only nice to you for how you looked and I didn't want to be treated differently for how I looked.

My sister fed into that. For her, she has always used her body for getting her through life. And I always said to myself, " beauty fades and and what will she have left?"

Ah... It's so complicated these feelings I have about it all. It was too extreme a view. I let myself be almost neutral... Not wanting to draw attention to myself in appearance because I didn't like the attention or felt the attention, if I got it, was not genuine, not for "me". My sister did the opposite, she tried to get tons of attention for her appearance as that is what she felt was all she had.

So... I have had to work through a lot of demons by how that all transpired, that weight gain of mine in high school. My sister has never had much of a weight problem, 20-30 pound swings, not my 100 plus pounds of swing (like my mom...oh yes, that too, my mom was always very overweight). And she is much more petite than I am. In high school (80s) her ideal clothing size was a 5. Mine was a 12.

And, we have nevere, ever, ever worn the same size. I've always been bigger and should always be bigger, so this was a shock last night to hear we wore the same size clothing. Like a huge shock. And I felt good for me. I don't mean her any harm and I hope she can lose the extra weight too, but to k ow I have come this far, just felt wonderful. To be in the same realm of size meant a lot.

You are incredibly astute for being able to truly understand the meaning behind your elation. It's incredible how mature you have been all along, trying to deflect attention from you so that your sister can feel better. To be rejected by your own mother (who was possibly rejecting herself because of her self-loathing related to being overweight?) due to something as superficial as weight must have been quite a blow to your sense of security in the world.....I'm sorry to put it like that....but that's how I would have felt....although you might have reacted differently. Either way, you do have much to celebrate and you should feel very proud of not only your accomplishments with weight loss, but also for your empathy towards your sister. :hug:

Thank you... I've had a lot of time to get in touch with my inner voices and it's probably why I was ready to shed the weight and the barriers finally.

It's true that I had no sense of security. Zilch. I didn't know what unconditional love was until I met my husband and in the beginning, really felt that any wrong step would mean he wouldn't love me any more. I still get that irrational fear any time we have a major argument too. I feel he must not love me because I've disappointed him.

And I would love to say I was perfect and never made a side step, but I also remember times in high school where I wasn't nice to my sister either. As I said, she's not the nicest person in the world and sometimes I would take up with my Mom's meanness if it shielded me from it. But on the whole I really tried to not be that way.

Anyway... Thanks. Your words were very kind.

Makes me glad I only have brothers! Sorry your family did that to you though, booooooo!

re:
 

Is there something you both can do together when you both hit your goal? It seems as if much of the animosity wasn't created by either of you initially but by someone else.

Wouldn't it be great to make the second part of life one where you have a sister you can get along with?


.

We try, but honestly we have never gotten along. We are such polar opposites and then there is the whole lack of trust issue that my mom created. Plus, my sister HS always been extremely untrustworthy... So, I will support her from a distance, but a true relationship, there will never be. Even in the best of families, we probably wouldn't be that close. But I do wish her well and openly state so. Her, not so much. She still makes jabs. Her new one is jabbing me for being a stay at home mom. Always something to try to make herself feel better than me.

I read this site, more than post, but I want to say I see how encouraging your are to everyone on here, and how you take time to be as invested as you can in making sure everyone gets the encouragement and support they come here for.

I am glad you are finding encouragement for yourself! You're new avi shows how beautiful you are, and it looks like you are 'comfortable in your own skin'. You look healthy, happy and beautiful. :smug:

Congrats on the NSV and I know you are only headed for more and more of them!

Just want to give my vote of support! There are certain people who haven't treated me well and have acted superior because of my weight gain. I would be dancing a jig if I wound up being thinner than them! Of course, I wouldn't act that way in front of them, but I would secretly be happy! If you can't secretly celebrate here without judgement, where can you?

You should ask if she wants any of your "fat clothes" since they don't fit you anymore. ;)

(I'm teasing. That would be incredibly mean and petty. Funny, but petty.)

It's OK, Berry - you're not mean and petty, you're human. But definitely much better to gloat about it over here than in her face, for sure.

And by the way, great new pic! The last few pounds you've lost really show in your face! You look happy, too! :congrat:

Wow! Thanks a lot! Today has been good for my soul . Thank you.

Thank you. I'm trying to adjust to my new face. It seems strange to me. But then it was decades ago that I saw a similar face and now it's gone and aged on me!