I am not sure how to put this. You know that you're overweight/obese, but have you ever thought that at least you weren't as big as so and so. I find myself feeling guilty sometimes, because I know that there are people who weigh more than I do, and I guess it feels like hypocrisy.

My best friend was always very overweight growing up. We were neighbors and like sisters from the age of 4. I still remember that she weighed 206 lbs in the 6th grade. I always felt so small standing next to her, but now when I look back in photos, I realize that I was much chunkier than I felt at the time!

(BTW, she lost a ton of weight in high school and now she's a super healthy and fit firefighter/EMT! )

I have caught myself doing it on rare occasion and it is awful! Having been on the other side of that, you'd think I'd learn, but comparison is one of the more destructive and pervasive human behaviors and I am not immune to it.

The best thing I do is make a concerted effort to NOT compare myself, positively or negatively, to anyone but myself. After all, that is the only thing I can affect and positively change, anyway!

Last July I joined WW at work. The incentive was the new and improved program and a 40% refund if I attended 13 meetings (I attended them all, plus in town extra meetings). When I do something, I go all in. I started at 190 and a co-worker said she was 163. I have eyes...I see she is shorter than I, has larger boobs, thighs, hips, but I don't argue with her (or care for that matter).

In week 9 on WW at 4 lbs lost, I started counting calories instead. I reached 172 by the program's end. The coworker lost - nothing. I asked why continue paying $ for a program that isn't working for her; she said it keeps her accountable. Anyhow, I ran into her this week. I now weigh 169, getting back to losing after the holidays. She says I look great, whats my weight -- I tell and she says WOW, you're thinner than me now.......I had to ask....did you do poorly over the holidays and she says nope, stayed the same....I said ok, so what do you weigh now, and she says 174.

I ask you folks, is she pulling my leg or kidding herself?

Am I bad for thinking all along she was lying? I still think she's lying and its more like 184, but I tried my best to not let that register on my face.

She may not want to say anything, because you are losing weight.

Of course. Our species is designed to assess and compare (and feel just a tad superior when we come out ahead). Nothing to feel guilty about.

Thinking "at least I'm not as big as so-and-so" betrays a desire to self-soothe and deny reality. I view both these tendencies as virtually universal among humans -- and entirely forgivable.

Think whatever you want, I say. The key lies in what you do.

Cheers, F.



Freelance

I used to do that a lot mentally before I began losing weight. It was NEVER about the individual to whom I was comparing myself (nearly always a stranger), but 100% about how I felt about myself. I think it was this exactly:


By contrast, I now feel so freaking good about my body (even though still overweight, and even with the many, many things I'd still like to change about my appearance), my health and all the positive changes I've made for myself that the thought of comparing myself to someone else in that way never occurs to me. I feel good about me, maybe for the first time ever, and there's just no psychological need anymore to make comparisons. I do often see women though and think, admiringly, "wow, I wish I could look like her someday!"

When I was at my highest, I didn't see myself big at all (major deinal)...As i've lost weight, I notice that I am doing it. Like "OMG I can't believe I used to be that size blah blah blah..." Its horrible and it really dosen't have anything to do with the other person. I notice I only seem to do it on days when I feel Less then steller..

I think it's natural to compare. We all do it. I don't think anyone is above it. We can strive to rise above it, but we're still going to do it. I compare myself to others all the time. It can motivate me, and it can soothe me. It can also make me feel bad about myself. This is natural.

I don't think you're a hypocrite for thinking thoughts. Don't feel guilty. But be aware, and try to redirect your thoughts to something more positive. If you don't like that you think those thoughts, then you can change it.

As a social psychologist, I do think it's natural and human nature for us to look to other people for comparison (we have all kinds of jargon for how and why people do it).

Nonetheless, this is a support forum, and conversations about these issues make other people feel very unsupported. So I'm going to go ahead and close this thread.