It may be helpful if you might to divert some of your obsessive tendencies from food to something else. Some people on this site have been able to really get into exercise. Your diversion doesn't necessarily have to be weight loss related though. Maybe you knit and could turn to your latest project instead of food. Obviously there are some fixations you're going to want to avoid (smoking, shopping, gambling, etc.), but as long as your new obsession isn't causing any harm, making food less of a focus is a great way to help lose weight. So what do you enjoy other than eating and how you can incorporate more of that into your life?

One idea that's really helped me is the portion of the Hippocratic Oath that says "First, do no harm." Or as it shcirerf's signature says, "When you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging!" Even if you're not going to produce a calorie deficit for the day, focus on not gaining. Begin to think of where you are now as your high weight. Make it a priority to do whatever it takes to ensure that the number never goes up. If you're having a tough day/week/month/year, work on "doing no harm" by maintaining your weight.

I've also been focusing on making sustainable changes. For example, this summer I was drinking 2 or more glasses of wine or another alcoholic beverage almost every day. Now I'm about to give up wine for a "diet" because I know that there's little to no chance I'd be willing to forgo alcohol for the rest of my life. What I am willing to do is limit my consumption. Now I typically only have an alcoholic drink a couple times a week and often stop at just one. Think about what sustainable changes you can make to get your calorie balance moving in the right direction. Since you've successfully done this before, you have all of the tools you need to do it again. Good luck!

I didn't read all of the replies here, but like many of the ones I did read, I am a big believer in baby steps if you have a hard time getting started. I did this one time while trying to lose a good amount of weight. At the beginning, I just gave up sweets. I ate whatever else I wanted, but no sweets. I lost 5 pounds that month. The next month I started taking short walks. Every little bit helps until you are finally at a place where your willpower is strong enough to put more effort in your plan effortlessly.

I'm also a big believer in joining a challenge. There are plenty to join on this site. We just started a Valentie's Day challenge that officially starts on December 26th, but sign up now or whenever you'd like. Please come check it out. Nothing like being held accountable to keep you on your toes.

Speaking of which, do you have a good friend or family member who can do this along with you so that you can support one another? I know that if my sister didn't start exercising with me recently, I'd still be procrastinating about it.

And please don't be so hard on yourself. Most of us have been where you are right now. I've done the dozen doughnuts thingy, too, more times than I can count, so I know where you're coming from. We are here for you, girl. Don't forget that. Check in here often, okay?

(((HUGS)))