[ArtyKay]

Originally Posted by Ksquared

I have been mean, *****y and brutal for the last few weeks. Every time I would talk to my best friend it was like a free pass to abuse him in some manner. Yelling at him for something completely insignificant and out of left field!

Yesterday he snagged me me into a bear hug and wouldn't let me go until I admited I hadn't been working out. He says to me...

"I knew it, and you know who I knew? You have been a mega ***** for weeks now and are short tempered and cranky."

He then proceeded to grab a love handle and squeezed.

"I can also see you haven't been working out, Get your *** on to the treadmill and get it in gear"

I didn't take offense to his brutal and matter of fact honesty, with him I expect it and I know he does it out of love. He isn't one to beat around the bush and tells it like it is. For me it's a great motivator. I absolutely LOATH when he is disappointed in me and I will do what I can to make up for it.

So last night I got my *** on the treadmill and tonight I will get *** on the treadmill again.

That's great. Its awesome that you have a friend who you're comfortable enough with that it doesn't hurt your feelings when he tries to keep you accountable!

Still, and I don't mean to offend you or downplay your friendship in any way...but it is different when the person you're sleeping with/in love with is the one pinching your love handles. Its harder to take the comments at face value and not get super offended.

[Ksquared]

I understand 100% though, trust me I do. Just gotta pick the battles. Here is something to think about and something I have learned.

Guys, they have no filters between their brain and their mouths. If it is on their brain it's going to be said. If you remember that, taking what they say is a little easier and 90% of the time, what they say, they say out of love and caring.

[gagalu]

it depends on how it's phrased and on their intentions. if it's because they're wanting say over how i look, gtfo.

[Emerald Eyes]

You are such a strong woman!! I admire you for being on this journey after a wound so fresh....I wish I could hug you.

as far as your husband--ok, that wasn't the greatest thing to say... but try not to be too hard on him. He didn't mean to hurt you (obviously he was trying to carefully choose his words, but he failed miserably). You said yourself he was great at encouraging you-- I honestly think that is what he was trying to do...encourage you to get to a comfortable place before the baby pounds pack back on.

However, I am a strong believer that the word "fat" should be banished. It is in my house. I'm not even allowed to call myself that! It only brings hurt to people.

My husband says I am beautiful all the time...and I honestly believe that HE believes that (isn't it wonderful!?), but he does encourage me to eat well and to get some exercise in. He has learned to word it well... for example: "I know how much better it makes you feel when you can get a work out in....how are you feeling? should you try to squeeze a work out in?" or "I know how hard you have been working, and I am so proud of you, but you know you will be so mad at yourself if you don't stop soon." his most used one, "I am so proud of you, because I want you to be healthy so I can keep you around for a long time. Where are your running shoes?"

it's all about delivery.

[kakeJ]

Originally Posted by ArtyKay

in the almost 4 years we've been together DH hasn't said a word about my weight. I've gone up and down 30-40 lbs twice since we've been together and he's been super sweet and has never stopped telling me/treating me like I'm beautiful and sexy the whole time.

I complain about my weight sometimes and he always tells me that I'm beautiful and sexy the way I am, and he loves me no matter what. He's great.

Well...as you may have seen in some of my previous posts, we lost a baby recently. I was almost 3 months along and had gained 10-12 lbs while pregnant. Because I had been eating like crazy.

We've been talking about when we're going to try again and he got very nervous and serious and said,

"Hey...um...So you've been talking about working out and stuff. I think that's good...I want to get in shape too." At this point he's looking at me like he's ready to run at any moment in case I attack him. "I just...you know...I just don't want you to gain too much weight when we get pregnant again and I want you to be able to bounce back after we have a baby and not get fat."

This led to me telling him off and him taking it back and saying he didn't mean it, and that he said it without thinking, and then went into a long tangent about how sexy I am and how much he loves me...

Poor guy. I know that he was right and that he was trying to say it in the nicest way possible. And its not like I wasn't thinking it myself. But seriously, talk about foot in mouth. How could he not know that he was word-vomiting his way onto a huge landmine??!!!

He's always been so supportive...I feel bad about shutting him down like that.
It may have been the kick in the butt I needed, but it made me so mad...constructive criticism from a significant other: would you get mad?

I am sorry for your loss. During my two pregnancies, I gained 60 to 70 lbs from my "normal"ahem 250lbs. It's alot I know but everything was fine both times. My hubs was always supportive never saying a word except "Did the doctor say everything's okay? even though I was eating everything that wasn't nailed down. I just felt hungry all the time and whether it was hormones or blood flow I was voracious about "everything" up until the due date. My husband didn't say anything that could have been considered as a . The only thing that came close was saying "I'll bet this baby will weigh 10lbs". He weighed 8lbs6 oz. One evening,near the last month of pregnancy I was a bit ahem.. amorous. His eyes got so wide and his jaw dropped open either from fear or strain. He's 6'2" and always around 195lbs.but this time, he was a bit overmatched. Of course I knew I was enormous, and if he was going to say anything it would have been then. Not a word though, just the eyes. Maybe he was afraid that I'd have gone Black Widow on him and bitten off his head. When I did complain about my weight gain, He would hug me and say " I love you, and as long as you and the baby are healthy, it's all good babe. You'll take it off". I suppose I may have gone off had he said something like "Don't you think you're getting a bit too big?" True though it was,with all the hormonal changes, I probably would have bitten his head offand devoured him. We can always blame TOM, pregnancy, hormonal changes for what comes out of our mouths. Poor guys! I guess the only safe option for them is to keep their mouths shut and nod in agreement. LOL

[zenor77]

Would I be mad? Um, yeah. That would've hurt my feelings. Big time.

Looking at this from the outside though, I'm wondering something. He's never mentioned anything like this before, right? He mentions it now that a future baby and pregnancy are involved. I think he may be concerned about your health, not your size/looks. Just a thought.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I've been there. *Hugs*

[ArtyKay]

Emerald Eyes Concentrating on my weight is the only thing I can control right now...we're still waiting to do the sex, and after that we're going to wait a couple of months I think to TTC again. Getting serious about my weight is actually great therapy. It takes my mind off of things and gives me a non baby related goal.
I think I should ban the word fat....DH has always been thin, and I don't think he realizes that fat is a four letter word lol

zenor77 I think health is his only concern when it comes to my weight. He also wants me to be happy and he knows that my weight makes me miserable. He really doesn't care about size...he's dated women of all sizes and it doesn't matter to him.