I don't understand this rant, but it's because I am the very OPPOSITE of the OP's feelings. I hate it when people DON'T notice my weight loss, especially if they haven't seen me in a while. I don't care what their comments/opinions are as long as they notice I've lost a lot of weight. I guess some people are more touchy about their weight loss than others. I don't get down when people make derogatory comments about my weight loss (although, to be fair, no one's actually done that to me), but I do become a little bummed when people do not even notice my smaller self.
I kind of agree with you on that one. Major weight loss is such a visual thing, that its weird to expect people to NOT comment about it. People generally will comment. I knew when I chose gastric bypass that I was going to be getting a lot of questions, so that's why I started my blog. I get to update people on what's going on, and it helps me stay on track.
I just wanted to chime in to say that I've had some of these situations too. It used to get me very irritated but now, I just tell people that my BMI is within the normal range and that is something recommended by the medical community. If they continue, then I just tell them that we are not going to be discussing my weight anymore. Period.
With regards to jealousy, yes, it's ugly and unpleasant. This is a time where you can figure out who your true friends really are and believe me when I say that we don't have as many friends as we think we do. Sad but true.
What does your weight loss have to do with your best friend's confidence? just curious....
This is an odd one, but I can relate with it also. My best friend refuses to acknowledge my weight loss or the lifestyle changes I've made. I once sent her a link to the exercise program I was doing just so she'd know what it was I was always talking about and she got mad and said she had no interest in doing it. I wasn't asking her to do it, or suggesting it, and I had been clear that the only reason I was sending it was so she'd have a point of reference. Instead, she just acts like this aspect of my life doesn't exist. She lives in another city, so much of our contact is online. I posted on FB the other day that my cholesterol is down 80 points now (from diet and exercise) and she completely ignored that even though she commented on other posts of mine. It's hurtful that she cannot be even mildly supportive of my efforts.
Just based on my own experiences, I'd say, what is going on with people who have these complaints? But quite obviously, I am one of the lucky ones - surrounded by largely reasonable people who, on the whole, mind their own business. Many, many people here seem not to be so fortunate.
I didn't understand it at first either, but it seems that since I've gotten so close to the "end" of my weight loss that everyone has turned into a busybody. I didn't really have these experiences in the beginning, but just about every day I hear "don't lose more weight!" "Don't starve yourself!" and other things....it gets annoying at this point.
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Originally Posted by Amber1011
I kind of agree with you on that one. Major weight loss is such a visual thing, that its weird to expect people to NOT comment about it. People generally will comment. I knew when I chose gastric bypass that I was going to be getting a lot of questions, so that's why I started my blog. I get to update people on what's going on, and it helps me stay on track.
It's not about the comments. I expected those. It's people who are giving their opinion when it's not asked for.
After the 50th time, it gets annoying hearing that I shouldn't lose more weight or that I must have some secret.
It's not about the comments. I expected those. It's people who are giving their opinion when it's not asked for.
After the 50th time, it gets annoying hearing that I shouldn't lose more weight or that I must have some secret.
My problem is that, well, most, if not all, opinions are unsolicited (Unless someone is asked a direct, specific question, which is rare in my experience). So, why is weight loss somehow off limits or above reproach? I understand why some people may become annoyed by unsolicited opinions at least at first, but I do not understand the continued annoyance with such opinions (some months and years later). To me, part of life is successfully dealing with the parts of life that annoy, anger, whatever, you. And, in my opinion , the people on these forums (and in life) who continue to posts about the same annoyances, like unsolicited opinions from loved ones/acquaintances/etc., are incredibly thin-skinned and lack successful coping mechanisms. ****, I'm more annoyed by their continued annoyances than their perceived slights from others. In weight loss, as in life, one will encounter many unpleasant things and people. Many times, one cannot change these situations or people, they can only change their reactions to them. To build upon what a fellow 3FC'er has in their signature, nothing and no one can make you feel annoyed without your permission. My (solicited) advise: Develop a better and more positive coping mechanism for unsolicited opinions and move on. You'll be a happier person because of it.
My problem is that, well, most, if not all, opinions are unsolicited (Unless someone is asked a direct, specific question, which is rare in my experience). So, why is weight loss somehow off limits or above reproach? I understand why some people may become annoyed by unsolicited opinions at least at first, but I do not understand the continued annoyance with such opinions (some months and years later). To me, part of life is successfully dealing with the parts of life that annoy, anger, whatever, you. And, in my opinion , the people on these forums (and in life) who continue to posts about the same annoyances, like unsolicited opinions from loved ones/acquaintances/etc., are incredibly thin-skinned and lack successful coping mechanisms. ****, I'm more annoyed by their continued annoyances than their perceived slights from others. In weight loss, as in life, one will encounter many unpleasant things and people. Many times, one cannot change these situations or people, they can only change their reactions to them. To build upon what a fellow 3FC'er has in their signature, nothing and no one can make you feel annoyed without your permission. My (solicited) advise: Develop a better and more positive coping mechanism for unsolicited opinions and move on. You'll be a happier person because of it.
This is a weight loss forum. If we can't gripe about the annoyances that come with weight loss, then where can we do it? I doubt everyone here who gripes is a complainer in real life, but this is a place where we can come together, find people who have similar problems and let off steam.
Just because someone comes on here and rants doesn't mean they're thin-skinned. Also, who's to say that coming on here and ranting isn't a valid way of dealing with life's annoyances?
As I said, I don't mind comments about my weight loss, nor do I mind questions. But guess what? Some people really do. If they're not comfortable discussing things then they shouldn't have to be put on the spot like that. I'm a pretty private person and people generally left me alone. It was a bit unnerving to suddenly be at the center of attention, but considering that in my profession I'm at the center of attention all the time I was able to adjust. Not everyone has that coping mechanism. We shouldn't have to worry about being put on the spotlight just for getting healthy.
I have a lot of patience and I really have to have quite a bit for my career (If I didn't, I would have had to choose a different career path), but h*ll, even the most patient person in the world is eventually going to get tired of hearing "You're so skinny! Are you eating?" or some variation. Look at my stats! I'm far from emaciated! I sort of just roll my eyes and shrug people off now; it's not worth my time getting into arguments. However, it's nice to come on here and say "Hey! this is annoying!" and have someone else say "Yeah! I know! It happens to me too!"
This is a weight loss forum. If we can't gripe about the annoyances that come with weight loss, then where can we do it? I doubt everyone here who gripes is a complainer in real life, but this is a place where we can come together, find people who have similar problems and let off steam.
Just because someone comes on here and rants doesn't mean they're thin-skinned. Also, who's to say that coming on here and ranting isn't a valid way of dealing with life's annoyances?
As I said, I don't mind comments about my weight loss, nor do I mind questions. But guess what? Some people really do. If they're not comfortable discussing things then they shouldn't have to be put on the spot like that. I'm a pretty private person and people generally left me alone. It was a bit unnerving to suddenly be at the center of attention, but considering that in my profession I'm at the center of attention all the time I was able to adjust. Not everyone has that coping mechanism. We shouldn't have to worry about being put on the spotlight just for getting healthy.
I have a lot of patience and I really have to have quite a bit for my career (If I didn't, I would have had to choose a different career path), but h*ll, even the most patient person in the world is eventually going to get tired of hearing "You're so skinny! Are you eating?" or some variation. Look at my stats! I'm far from emaciated! I sort of just roll my eyes and shrug people off now; it's not worth my time getting into arguments. However, it's nice to come on here and say "Hey! this is annoying!" and have someone else say "Yeah! I know! It happens to me too!"
I understand the purpose of this website. And, its a great thing. But, I refuse to believe that constant ranting on an anonymous website is a great coping mechanism because, well, all that is accomplished is the poster feels justified in their annoyances. They are not helped through these annoyances so that they become less and less important. Instead, these posters are encouraged to continue being annoyed by these same things. This, I believe, is called enabling. Everyone is entitled to their feelings. I am completely on board with this sentiment. However, if a person continues to have these ill feelings toward certain situations and does nothing to change them toward the better, then my sympathy for them tends to diminish. One can rant all they want, rant until the day is nigh and the cows come home, but my point is that it accomplishes NOTHING. The poster may feel better momentarily after reading such positive feedback, but once they are in the same situation that they originally posted about, they will have the same feelings, and the vicious, ugly cycle will continue. And that makes me sad.
So, why can't we all just BREAK THE CYCLE?!?
Like I said in my previous post, you cannot change a person or a situation, you can only change your reaction to such person or situation. So someone continually comments about your weight/weight loss. So you are constantly being put on the spotlight for "getting healthy?" SO WHAT??? Their comments change NOTHING of significance. Not the amount of weight you lost. Not the journey you took. Not the accomplishments you achieved. NOTHING. So, why get upset about them? It just seems so pointless to me. You allowed yourself to be hurt/annoyed/off-put by their comments. That is on you and you alone.
Yes, happy people complain, but they quickly move on and see such annoyances as a distant, funny memory. And, that is what I would ultimately like for the OP and all others like her. Yes, it is nice to rant in order to get our emotions out, to gather support, to make ourselves feel better. But ranting is a short-term solution to a long-term problem. Eventually, one must accept the situation for what it is, smile/laugh, and move on. Because this situation is not going away and your current methods are not helping matters. Change your outlook and you'll see that the whole world changes in return.
This is a weight loss forum. If we can't gripe about the annoyances that come with weight loss, then where can we do it?
Just because someone comes on here and rants doesn't mean they're thin-skinned. Also, who's to say that coming on here and ranting isn't a valid way of dealing with life's annoyances?
I have a lot of patience and I really have to have quite a bit for my career (If I didn't, I would have had to choose a different career path), but h*ll, even the most patient person in the world is eventually going to get tired of hearing "You're so skinny! Are you eating?" or some variation. Look at my stats! I'm far from emaciated! I sort of just roll my eyes and shrug people off now; it's not worth my time getting into arguments. However, it's nice to come on here and say "Hey! this is annoying!" and have someone else say "Yeah! I know! It happens to me too!"
I so have to agree with what you are saying.
princessgina00 - Somethings are annoying in life and right at this point in my life, this is my irritation. When I wrote the thread I knew what I was getting myself into. 3FC is a place where I feel at home. Everyone has things that irritates them. I'm usually a happy and positive person but even I can't walk around with a smile the whole time
I have to agree that an online forum is a good place to let off steam - actually safer blowing up while you are typing than snapping in the physical world.
And ranting is part of the process of moving on.
One cannot command him/herself to simply move on. It happens when it happens.
If I'm stressed about things, I can come on hear and read posts like this one from people with similar problems to me, or I could give in to food, and think about giving up dieting for that day, or not exercise for that day etc. I like the first choice
Fine, rant all you want. Let it all out. All I'm saying is that if you are still ranting about the same ol' thing months after your initial rant, you have not effectively moved on. You have allowed yourself to continually be affected by this annoyance, so stop blaming others. It's no one's fault but your own.
Fine, rant all you want. Let it all out. All I'm saying is that if you are still ranting about the same ol' thing months after your initial rant, you have not effectively moved on. You have allowed yourself to continually be affected by this annoyance, so stop blaming others. It's no one's fault but your own.
Everyone deals with their frustrations in a different way. Just like weight loss, what works for you will not necessarily work for others. I don't think anyone here is blaming anyone. It's just...annoying. Things annoy people. It happens.
It seems odd that it bothers you so much that people are ranting here on the forums. It's great that you've found a way to deal with the annoyances that come with significant weight loss, just as everyone else is finding ways that work for them.
I feel your pain, as far as people telling you not to lose any more weight/that you already 'look skinny,' etc. I've lost a toddler-sized amount of weight. I'm not at my goal, and I'm still technically overweight, but people like to tell me that I'm fine where I am, don't need to lose any more, etc.
Just don't listen to them. I know that's easier said than done, but trust me, it's really the only answer. I don't even thank them for their insight, as some people may tell you to do. I'm not rude, but I simply shrug and say, 'I'm still overweight, and I want to be healthy. I'm going to continue losing weight.'
If they try to keep on, I change the subject. If they harp, I tell them point-blank they're being rude...and I've only had to do that once, and it was (unfortunately) directed at my grandmother. You have to be firm with people, though, or they'll walk all over you and try to convince you to stop losing weight. It's ridiculous.
The hardest thing for me is that people seem to actually be nicer to me now that I've lost weight. Maybe it's my imagination, but it sure seems like people laugh at my jokes more often, smile at me more often, etc. Not just men, it's women, too. It makes me kind of bitter, because I think, 'nothing about me has changed but my appearance...why are you all suddenly so nice?'
Also, to the person saying that she has no place ranting here...I think her rant is more or less about people who constantly talk about her weight loss. I don't think this is about people you haven't seen in years complimenting you. Most people enjoy that. -I- enjoy that, and feel bad when they don't notice. However, when you have the same set of people asking you day in and day out the same stupid questions, and making comments, and that's -all- they want to talk about, it really grates on your nerves. The people I work with -constantly- talk about my weight loss, almost as though my weight loss has a persona of it's own, that they would rather spend their time with than me.
Last edited by napalmtree; 11-15-2011 at 01:34 PM.
Everyone deals with their frustrations in a different way. Just like weight loss, what works for you will not necessarily work for others. I don't think anyone here is blaming anyone. It's just...annoying. Things annoy people. It happens.
It seems odd that it bothers you so much that people are ranting here on the forums. It's great that you've found a way to deal with the annoyances that come with significant weight loss, just as everyone else is finding ways that work for them.
Yes, people constantly complaining about the same, (what I consider) minor inconveniences is one of my biggest pet peeves. An odd one, maybe, but one nonetheless. It's like: Choose your battles, people. Life's too short. There are much better things to do than be annoyed and much better emotions to occupy yourself with than annoyance. Annoying people exist but that doesn't mean you have to continually allow them to annoy you. I think it makes you a masochist. But, if the OP and others like her find ranting on a support forum helpful, so be it. Like I said previously, I CANNOT relate to ANYTHING in her story. When someone starts annoying me, I immediately stop talking and blankly stare at them for what probably seems like forever to them. They always get the hint rather quickly and either walk away to engage some other person in conversation or return to whatever they were doing prior to our "conversation." Or I just walk away. My strategy is: Don't engage. It works for me, so maybe it will work for others. If not, good luck.
EDIT: Also, one would think that since this thread annoys me so much, I would quit looking at it. But, I can't. I find it simply fascinating the amount of support the OP is gathering for something, in my opinion, is so trivial. Weight loss should not be such a touchy subject. I should be celebrated. I agree with a previous post, persons making such weight-related comments/advice are just giving you their version of a compliment. You may misinterpret it or allow it to derail your efforts. But, that's more your problem, not theirs. So, don't ever make their comments your problem.
Last edited by princessgina00; 11-15-2011 at 04:43 PM.
Fine, rant all you want. Let it all out. All I'm saying is that if you are still ranting about the same ol' thing months after your initial rant, you have not effectively moved on. You have allowed yourself to continually be affected by this annoyance, so stop blaming others. It's no one's fault but your own.
Moving on is a personal goal. I can't see how anyone should be able to dictate the speed at which someone should get over something.
I don't care what their comments/opinions are as long as they notice I've lost a lot of weight. I guess some people are more touchy about their weight loss than others. I don't get down when people make derogatory comments about my weight loss (although, to be fair, no one's actually done that to me), but I do become a little bummed when people do not even notice my smaller self.
I understand why some people may become annoyed by unsolicited opinions at least at first, but I do not understand the continued annoyance with such opinions (some months and years later). To me, part of life is successfully dealing with the parts of life that annoy, anger, whatever, you. And, in my opinion 
, the people on these forums (and in life) who continue to posts about the same annoyances, like unsolicited opinions from loved ones/acquaintances/etc., are incredibly thin-skinned and lack successful coping mechanisms. ****, I'm more annoyed by their continued annoyances than their perceived slights from others. In weight loss, as in life, one will encounter many unpleasant things and people. Many times, one cannot change these situations or people, they can only change their reactions to them. To build upon what a fellow 3FC'er has in their signature, nothing and no one can make you feel annoyed without your permission. My (solicited) advise: Develop a better and more positive coping mechanism for unsolicited opinions and move on. You'll be a happier person because of it.
