I've been given the advice on here (and in real life) to not let my weight stop me from living life. Okay, fair enough. I always wanted to take a pole dancing class because I hear it's actually great exercise. More importantly, I figured it would help me become "more at peace" with my body regardless if I'm a size 14 or a size 4 (I'm currently a size 14/16).

Anyway, I went to my first pole dance class today. I wish I could say that it was fun, but I felt EXTREMLY uncomfortable in class. The instructor was very nice and supportive. She advised us that this will all feel strange at first, but that by the end of the 6-week series of classes, we would feel much more confident.

Perhaps I bit off more than I can chew...not only was I the fatty of the group, but I am COMPLETELY out of shape. When we were doing out stretching exercises (where you sit down, spread eagle, and bring your chest to the floor), I was the only woman that couldn't even stretch out far enough for my elbows to touch the floor much less my chest. This is supposed to be a novice class, but you could have fooled me based on how these women were in such great shape and looked like pros on the dance floor.

ARGH! When we were learning the basic spin on the pole, I felt like Shamu hanging on for dear life around the pole. LOL When she told us to flip our hair and strut around the room, I felt like running out of room and never looking back because I felt sooooooo stupid. She told us to feel the music and let our hands roam around our bodies...basically, whatever felt "good" to the music. I tried not to laugh out loud. This class just validated that I'm no longer a sensual and sexual woman. I wouldn't even be able to keep up with a man unless he was on top and doing all the work.

This pole dance class made me realize how un-sexy I feel and that I totally lack any sexuality. I use to feel sexual/sensual when I was in my early to mid 20s and a size 7/8. Those days are long over.

I tried not to let my weight get in the way of participating in activites that I am interested in trying....however, in this case, it back fired. I'm not more ashamed than ever about myself. The girls were all nice though, but it really didn't make me feel good about being the "fat one" of the bunch. It certainly doesn't make me feel sensual. Perhaps I'll just stick with the cardio machines for now. When I'm down to a size 10, then I'll try pole dancing again because it truly is a great work out.

It was pretty funny though! LOL *sigh* Oh well, yet enought funny story to tell my grandkids (if I ever get married in this lifetime). At least I had the courage to try it. Well, that's $200 bucks down the drain for me.

And it doesn't help that it's Halloween weekend and I'm sitting in the lounge of my apartment complex...I see people heading out to go to the bars and Halloween parties....most women are all slender and in sexy/slutty outfits. *sigh* It's like Life is passing me buy and even though I try not to let my weight get in the way of living Life, it just feels like it is...and I'm only 33 and single for Christ sake! :-p

/self-pity party over

I should have never participated in pole dancing class. That just triggered bad self esteem issues.

OMG, Freebird3! Can I just say that, perhaps that class wasn't for you? Who cares if other women are participating - you can define sexy in your own way! You CAN!!! If you aren't comfortable, who cares? Do your own thing, get sexy in your own way, and get fit however you wish! Do your thing, and good luck!!!

First, lovely post! I just mean, it was super funny and entertaining to read!

Second, if you've already paid the darn $200, then you really should finish it or ask for your money back. I say finish the course.

The women there were obviously very experienced - I don't know anyone, besides a dancer friend of mine, that can bring her chest to the floor. But, if you practice the stretching everyday at home - while watching tv, for example, you can improve a whole lot.

I think the instructor will probably change things up a bit to help you out. As you said, all her other students are advanced. You can and should ask her about alternate poses for beginners - every good instructor would be able to teach this.

And the hair flipping - how funny! That has never made me feel sexy. If I were you, I'd leave "sexy" out - I don't feel sexy when I do upward dog or when I am breathing hard and sweating while jogging.

Anyway, it was like the first day of school. Very awkward. But don't give up! You should only not go back if you felt truly offended and hurt by something - not simply b/c you are a bit uncomfortable. You can do this! If nothing else, you'll improve your flexibility and you'll get some great stories to post on 3FC!!

Umm, yeah -- I get it. But I went to a belly dancing class. Thankfully the introduction class was free but after that one class the damage was done. I am only 38 but I believe I threw my hip out. I thought this would be a great fit for me because I am pear shaped and I had lost about 30 pounds by that point but OH MY GOD.... I have ZERO coordination. I was shaking my booty, lost control and hit my size 2 partner with my hip and she went flying. Now that I am almost 50 pounds smaller, I'll never ever go back.

My point is -- regardless of what size we are -- we are just not cut out for certain things in life. For you, it's pole dancing. For me, belly dancing. For others, bull riding.

But please don't give up on finding something that works for YOU! Have you tried line dancing? There isn't anything "sexy" about it but it's fun and all you have to do is memorize the steps. And it doesn't have to be country music....hip hop/club music works too!

Oh I totally agree with ShanIAm. I've had these sorts of embarrassing "I don't belong here" moments... starting from basketball tryouts in 6th grade (I have no depth perception, ended up leaving early, crying) to belly dancing in college to square dancing with friends a few years ago and completely messing up the steps each time- and consequently everyone else's steps.

I think the other thing going on with your particular experience is the "sexy" factor. I think sex appeal and the definition of sexy is pushed on us hard by the media, hollywood, etc. I feel so uncomfortable and contrived when trying to adopt the methods I see on TV and in the movies... hair flipping, come hither looks, booty shaking, whatever- it doesn't work for me.

To be honest, I feel a heck of a lot sexier after I've run 6 miles or lifted or done something else where I feel strong and empowered than try to be the coy hot girl prototype I see in the movies.

Pole dancing may be really fun and worth continuing. But try not to have your sense of sexiness, femininity, sense of self, or anything else hinged on doing well at it- like previous posters have said people derive these positive feelings from very different things

I tried an exercise class where they made us do this weird chicken dance to country music where you had to throw your hip and "flap" at the same time. I felt like an idiot.

Then, I have a size 26-28 friend who was taking a karate class for fitness. She went to "kick" her opponent and almost knocked him out!!!

Don't feel bad. Not every kind of class makes you feel comfortable. And that kind of sexy may not be your sexy. I will never be that kitten However, I do have my own style and have learned that sexy doesn't come in one version. Ask my DH.....

BIG HUGS.....Find something that makes you feel more comfortable!

Dont feel bad sweety, I felt everything you wrote I would have felt the exact same way. I would have felt that way even if I was a size 4. I will say that the fact that you went out and tried speaks to the courage and confidence that you have, even if you cant see it all the time. I cant even make myself go to the gym because I am too self conscious. Do what makes you feel good! Maybe buy a dvd that teaches you how to do it and buy your own pole so you can practice at home?

It's not about the size on the clothing tag, it's about being out of shape physically. Start doing more exercise and stretching, even if it's not that class. There are plenty of women who are a size 14 who are in fantastic shape and can do all sorts of physical activities. If that's not you right now, that's what you need to work on. The weight loss will help, sure, but stop defining yourself by the number on a clothing label and instead, start as slowly as you need to, but start defining yourself as a woman who can do 10 minutes of exercise (or even 5 if you have to) and build up from there. You'll be amazed at how quickly you start to see progress and start to feel better about your body and what it can do.

You know what? I didn't think about that until I read this. I feel SO sexy after a great workout. In fact, it's more about feeling confident which, in my opinion, translates to sexy. I find more men flirt with me when I buy my post workout coffee in my workout clothes with my hair pulled back than I do when I go in there in my business clothes.

So, yeah, find something that makes you feel CONFIDENT which will then make you feel sexy!

Here's my "fatherly" advice, if you were my kid...

"You were so brave to even take a chance on something outside of your comfort zone. Yes, it wasn't perfect, most things aren't, but you made it through. Now you know what to expect. Everybody has already seen you. I say give it one more try, try to talk to the instructor beforehand with some of your physical concerns, maybe she can suggest exercises for improvement."

From personal experience I can tell you my daughter, a few years younger than you, did not have one coordinated bone in her body. She wanted to try tennis after her brother enrolled in a class. I said good, then she changed her mind because it was uncomfortable...I made her go back one more time with the promise that that would be the last if she so wished. I could see she really wanted to but was not as good as the other kids. Couldn't walk and chew gum. Long story short, she went on to play tennis all through high school and college and still does today. She could not run faster than a quick turtle...she now runs marathons, not super fast but she still does.

I understand, it may not be for you...but maybe one more shot will change your life. Maybe it will lead you to something more fitting for you...you just never know.

Prayers for your heath and happiness.

I agree that you should stick the class out!

The first class is always the worst class!

Secondly, this is something you felt you needed to do to "bring your sexy back", right? So, go for it. Buy into it. See if it fits. If it doesn't, 6 weeks from now you'll never have to sign up for it again.

I've been the fatty in the class (and I still am in a lot of them) and after doing this for so long (I've always liked exercise and dance, regardless of my size) I can tell you that very few people are looking at YOU. They are looking at themselves in the mirror.

My Pilates instructor loves to say, "Don't pay attention to the person next to you. They are cheating!"

So, focus on you, getting better, improving your dance and pole skills, don't worry about anyone else around you.

I have to join in with the others who are saying give it another chance! I am sure that the majority of people who go to pole dancing class feel awkward and unsexy the first few classes. That is why the instructor said gave the warning in the beginning.

Every time I have ever started a class of something I feel like a big goofy uncoordinated oaf. I remember my first yoga class I went to, 5 mins into the class I thought what the heck am I doing here, I don't belong here with all these fit flexible people. I could barely get through the class. But I went back and I felt a little less oafy and well over the years I have gone to many yoga classes and sometimes I have felt beautiful and strong and capable and sometimes I have felt the opposite but in the end I am still working out and improving on what my body can do. I also figured out that well I am not the most flexible and that sometimes my larger body prevents me from getting into certain poses I have fantastic balance, better then some of the tiny yogi's who have been practicing for years. We all have different abilities and the size of our bodies is not necessarily the only factor. My DH who is over 300 pounds is incredibly flexible and when I dragged him out to a partners yoga class when I was pregnant (and had been doing weekly yoga practice for over a year at that point) he went into a perfect downward dog. so well in fact that the instructor asked him how long he had been practicing yoga for (it was his first time) I felt pretty crappy as my downward dog is far from perfect, but I got over it when he pointed out that I am not it a fitness competition and who cares if I am great at something or not I am doing it and that is the important part.

I have also taken belly dancing many times over the years and felt strange at first but I kept going and eventually I felt like I knew what I was doing and I did feel sexy shaking my hips. My DH thought so too.

I say since you have paid the money and it is only 6 weeks (well 5 now) go to the rest of the classes. if at the end of the 6 weeks you still feel pole dancing is not in your future then don't sign up for more classes but at least you can feel a sense of accomplishment and you can be proud that you didn't let your weight stop you from living life and you went out of your comfort zone. I personally think that makes you pretty sexy

I have no coordination. And I have never been really happy with my body. But, there a few songs from my teen years that never fail to lift my spirits and make me feel young and sexy again. Not really music I can listen to around kids, (pretty raunchy), but it works

Dance around the house when you clean or just have a minute. Crank up the music, no matter what it is that you are in the mood for, and just let loose. When you find that place in your head it just clicks, and it is very freeing.

Wow I wish I had the courage to even try it! I don't think I could even sign up haha! So kudos to you! And I'm sure every single girl in their regardless of size was self conscious! I mean its a new thing and yeah the "sexy" thing makes it somewhat awkward, but who knows maybe the second time around will be better! I think if I had paid that much for the class I would stick to it though and see what happened! Maybe in the end you will get your "sexy" back ;] haha!