I've Always Been Thin...Shhh!
 

I feel like I can never escape my former shape! Can't we all just pretend I've always been this way???

One thing that's driving me crazy right now is that I am CONSTANTLY being asked how much weight I've lost. It's almost like no one else knows what to talk about with me.

To me, that's pretty similar to asking me what I used to weigh. It also is a constant reminder of "You used to be fat - and really fat because we are so shocked at the change!" I am about a size 10/12 now, so it's not like I am skinny. If I were to say, "Yes, I've lost 60lbs." I know they would do the math in thier heads and think, "Yeah, I was right - she was really fat." Seriously!?! Stop asking me that!!!

It gets more embarrasing when people ask me that in front of my new boyfriend. He's been around long enough to see me lose about 10lbs and he sees the way I eat and the exercise I do, so I'm sure he's figured out that I've lost weight. But, I do NOT want him knowing how much! As nice and wonderful as he is, he IS a guy and there WILL be a part of his brain that thinks, "Oh goodness, she could get fat again." Why would someone say that in front of him?? I guess at some point, he will see a picture of me from before and be a little confused, but now is not the time for him to know this. I have worked way to darn hard for this body and suffered the broken heart from **** - I deserve to look hot and have a guy enjoy me and my body and not have that ghost of my former body hanging over it all!

Okay, vent over. Thanks for listening. :)

Ah, yes! That's why I like my newer friends. They don't know any different, and I'm not going to tell them. LOL

Yeah I get that all the time too. It's getting irritating at this point, because it's the same people OVER AND OVER asking. I totally don't mind meeting up with someone I haven't seen and having them ask me because they may not have even known I was losing weight.

Honestly though I was getting tired of fielding questions about it that I just broke my own rule and put up progress pictures on facebook. I figured this was one surefire way to get all of the "OMGGG YOU LOST WEIGHT" comments out of the way and answer questions. Because of that, it's cut down on the amount of questions I get quite a lot and when I see people I haven't seen in a while it's not quite a shocker for them.

I started a new job recently and I haven't told anyone here that I've lost over 50 pounds or that I'm still losing weight. I guess at some point someone will find out if they see an old picture of me or something, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

I'm not sure what is it with people who think that weight isn't a personal thing? I mean I would never walk up to someone and be like "So how much money do you make in a month?". I don't understand why the world thinks weight loss and gain is the exception to the rule? I honestly would give a generic answer that isn't rude but makes it clear that further questions are not welcome.
As for your boyfriend, he will find out eventually (not necessarily specifics) that there has been a loss. Remember that he has a picture in his mind of you that is the now, the heathier, happier version, not the person of the past. Many people could gain weight, doesn't mean they will. Doesn't mean you will. :)
60 lbs is great! Go you!

Does, "Goodness, what a personal question," uttered in a no-nonsense tone to indicate that the subject is now closed, work to shut up the people asking how much you've lost? I get a lot of people who see my walking stick or wheelchair and bound up to ask what's wrong with me (sometimes in those very words), and I'm finding that approach works quite nicely. Indeed, I managed to get one woman to apologise for asking, "What happened to you, then?" with nothing more than a look, which is a victory for me as normally I feel like I have to justify myself when people ask that sort of thing. They're being rude, and while we don't necessarily have to be rude back, we are not compelled to answer their invasive questions, no matter how much we may feel put on the spot or because we've been trained to feel ashamed.

I wish people would ask me how much I've lost - I love to brag about it. ;)

At any rate, don't fret too much about this - it should stop over time, as the people in your life get used to your new shape, and new people come into your life who didn't know you at the old shape.

ETA:

This strikes me as not just unfair to men in general, but particularly unfair to your boyfriend. What makes you think he's so shallow that he'll head for the door just on the possibility that you might get fat? And how do you know he wouldn't be impressed and proud of your incredible accomplishments?

You said yourself, you worked hard for this body. Why not take credit for that hard work? And why presume that other people won't recognize that?

I know you say that this is a new boyfriend, and I'm gathering from this post that you are rather young. But, hiding your past? hiding who you have been and where you have come from? Do you really think that is a good idea?

Your weight loss is an accomplishment. WHile yes, you don't need to go announcing it to everyone, why would you try to hide your past? your journey to where you are now? Don't you think there is value in that? Don't you think you have matured and gained wisdom from that?

I was just thinking how weird it was that people I've met recently don't know I've lost weight. This journey has been a big part of my life over the last 2 years, so it's strange to realize that when people meet me now, they just see a size 6 me and have no idea there used to be a size 20 me.

To the OP, I was thinking the exact thing that berryblondeboys just posted- you should be proud of your accomplishments! There is no shame in having been overweight and/or in losing weight! I'm sure this journey hasn't been easy and that you've had to work very hard to lose those 60 lbs- own that!

To be honest, I think that it's insane that weight is considered such a "personal" subject, because it's so very public. Lying about the numbers, hiding the numbers... pretending a drastic change isn't a drastic change. it just doesn't make any sense to me. People have eyes, and to expect them to politely ignore differences isn't always feasible.

If someone altered their appearance drastically with a new hair color, bizarre contact lenses, or all-over-body tattoos we wouldn't be expected to pretend that nothing has changed.

I think it boils down to body fat being considered such an "unspeakable crime" that we get mixed messages about what is appropriate to say and ask, and what isn't. There are no "universal" rules. As many people complain "why isn't anyone noticing and complimenting me on my weight loss," as there are people saying "why is everyone noticing and complimenting me on my weight loss?"

We haven't decided as a culture whether obesity and weight loss is a topic that should be off limits or shouldn't be. Rather it's considered perfectly acceptable in some circles, and perfectly abhorent in others, and everywhere in between.

Personally, I wish it were considered far more acceptable to discuss openly. I'm a lot more interested in people's experiences with weight loss than their sexual habits, which apparently is a more acceptable topic for some bizarre reason.

Social norms change, and they can change fairly rapidly. I remember when no one would consider using a stranger's first name, especially if you were younger than the person. There are many topics that were considered too personal to discuss even with close friends, that are now considered appropriate dinner conversation amoung strangers - because we've seen far more intimate on television.

I think it's insane that "weight" is one of the hold outs. Really? It's ok to discuss mentall illness, substance abuse, illegal activity, and graphic sexual experience with virtual strangers, but weight loss is something we're supposed to pretend we can't see?

It seems ludicrous, and the "shame" aspect of weight loss even more so, because it often seems that the only sin greater than being fat, is talking about it. And it's the shame and fear of the subject that keeps people ignorant. We don't know what "normal weight loss" really looks like because so few people are willing to talk about it, openly, honestly, and without shame or deception.

We also live in a culture in which it's often more acceptable to be fat and doing nothing about it, than to be seen fat and actively trying to change in public. A fat woman in public is "gross," but a fat woman dancing, bicycling, or going to the gym is ludicrous.

I've faced more ridicule for trying to change my health than for doing nothing about it.

I think whenever social norms are in flux, it's important to ask for what you want. Not everyone wants weight loss to be a "personal, private, secret" subject, and I think that's fine (same with topics like sex, health and money), but when your preferences don't match what you're experiencing, you have to speak up and make your preferences known. "I'd rather not discuss a subject I find so deeply personal," should be acceptable whether discussing weight, religion, politics, or for that matter, the weather.

You know, I'm on the other side of this. I moved almost 50lbs into my weight loss so nobody locally knows me at my highest. They've seen my drop almost 20lbs but even me at my highest is probably a vague picture in their minds since the people I know now I was just getting to know at the beginning so they didn't see me as often then.

I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, it'd be nice to have someone say "wow, you've dropped a lot of weight that hard work is paying off!". Then again it's also nice to go on with life without having to deal with that too. :dizzy:

Because it's such a large amount of weight the few people who have seen me recently (ok only the inlaws because I haven't visited friends/family back where we used to live yet) who saw me at my highest, well, they made it the #1 topic of coversation. It was nice at first but I have to admit it did get old after awhile. However, I imagine it will go away over time. Eventually there will be newer more interesting things going on in their lives and my weight won't be the big issue. ;)

I do think it's best to be pretty upfront in any relationship about these sort of things. I highly doubt your BF would dump you over this and even he did? Seriously, he's SO not worth your time!!!!!!!!

Kaplods, are you a writer? Because everything you write is great and makes perfect sense.

I'd like to post my biggest problems in life and just wait for your perspective so that I can have my "a-ha" moment and know what to do next. Thanks for being so level-headed and filled with good 'ol common sense.

PrairieGirl, we are very lucky here at 3fc because Kaplods is actually a professional therapist (I think that's the official title and if it's not, then I really apologize). I love reading her very insightful posts.

I don't think weight loss is personal because....all someone has to do is look at me and know ballpark what I weigh. The leader at a meeting a few weeks back said "Kudos for putting it out there -- that you weighed 190 starting and 179 today" and my answer was...well, if I said I weighed 120, y'all would look at me like I had 2 heads--clearly, I weigh what I weigh so why lie about it?

If your weight loss is recent, OF COURSE people are going to treat it like its topical. They want to congratulate you and some will be envious and others will want to pick your brain to learn the "secret" of success.

There is a gal I work with. She was quite large. QUITE LARGE. She lost weight over the years, but not much, always gained it back----until the last time. In a year and a half, she lost a person. She is not recognizable as her former self. Not only is she thin, you would never know she was ever fat. She is thin and lean and looks like she looked that way forever.

At the start of this current diet, I picked her brain. I wanted to know what she did and how she's keeping it off. She was happy to give me some pointers, her daily menu, and tips.

She isn't going to be able to avoid that conversation with people who know her until it isn't novel anymore.

I don't see it as a negative at all.

I hope you can come to see it as a positive, even tho you remember that past part of you as something you'd rather not revisit. Sorry.

I was never a licensed therapist or clinical psychologist. I earned a B.A. degree in psychology (behavioral and cognitive-behavioral psychology), and an M.A. in developmental psychology.

Most therapists have degrees in counseling psychology - or have or are working under the supervision of doctoral level therapists.

Different states have different licensing qualifications and different job titles, so it can be confusing. In some states, anyone can call themselves a therapist, for example (but not a psychotherapist).

See, the lines get kind of fuzzy.

Providing counseling services has been a part of many of my former jobs though (probation officer, child care worker, juvenile detention worker, case manager in substance abuse treatment, college counselor...).

And I am an aspiring writer. I did have a short story published about 20 years ago (I still have a photocopy of the check posted above my computer).


I have started about a dozen or more novels (though rarely have gotten past chapter 3 or 4. At this point, I lose focus and a "better" idea will come to me). What helped was keeping a notebook for all those "better ideas." When I get distracted from my current project, I'll write the "better idea" quickly in the notebook and then I'll get back to the story I'm working on.


The one I'm currently working on is the first that I've managed to take past the half-way point. It's a YA, supernatural. Sort of the werewolf equivalent of Twilight (probably a bit more like Annette Curtis Klaus's Blood and Chocolate).

And if I ever get this weight off, I might right a memoire. Something like "How I lost 250 lbs, and only took 45 years to do it".

Kaplods, sorry to the OP to hijack this thread, but I did want to apologize for the error in your title. To me, you are more worthy then many out there who have the title of therapist. I really hope you get this book completed and published. The weight loss book would be awesome as well. The question is, once you are a successful writer, will you still come here and visit us? ;)

This. I am a wanna-be writer, but I wish that Kaplods would write a book about something, anything. I'd be first in line to read it. I love all of her posts!

Okay, here's the thing for me. I don't want to talk about my weight loss. In the past, I have become very obsessive with weight loss. It was all I could think about, and it was all I could talk about. When someone comes up to me and says, "Whoa! Look at you! Where's the other half of you?" I'm slightly pleased that they noticed, but I'm also a bit embarrassed. It makes me feel bad to remember what I used to look like. I want to be the new me. I want people to see me as the new me, and while I like that they noticed, I just want to move on and talk about something else.

OP I understand where you're coming from. I have only experienced gains/losses of 10-15 lbs, but on my small frame it's enough to get noticed. I am always uncomfortable when people ask if I've lost weight or tell me I'm looking fit. I appreciate that the work I've done is yielding results, but their comments are also a reminder that I at one time did not look fit and I regret being reminded of it.

It's not a shame of the past. As berryblondes referenced, I AM proud of the control I've taken of my health and the accomplishments I've made.

Just because I accomplished something doesn't mean I want people to recognize it. This could be related to weight, or my career, or a sports achievement. I don't like public recognition of what I have or haven't done. I don't like a lot of attention on me as an individual. This doesn't mean I'm ashamed or embarrassed of my past. It just means I don't like attention in general.

The items you mentioned are all purposeful, willful changes to appearance. Often they are done for the sole purpose of drawing attention to themselves.

Weight loss is not done for the purpose of drawing attention to oneself. Even if someone has vain motivations for losing weight- i.e. looking and feeling "better", as defined by the individual- this does not mean they want outright attention laid on their weight loss process.

Weight loss is a very personal process that is unfortunately public not by choice. So are other health-related processes: eating disorders, skin problems, hair loss, even deep depression can manifest itself physically. When someone's skin clears up, when they gain a little bit about being underweight, or look healthier and happier after a period of deep depression, I don't think it's usually appropriate to draw attention to the change that has happened. Please note, these are all negative processes and I am NOT making the argument that being heavy is negative. But it IS deeply personal to many people. And many people do not like receiving attention for something deeply personal.

I never make "You lost weight!" comments to people. I have at times told friends, who are clearly and often publically trying to get into better shape, that they are looking wonderful, healthy, full of energy. Which is absolutely true. But for others who haven't been as open about their processes, I rarely draw attention to it. There is a reason they haven't brought it up with me and I don't feel it's my place to do so.

Personally, I even get a little uncomfortable about people make comments to me about a new hair style or cut I have. It's silly on a logical level, because it is a very public thing. But emotionally I do not enjoy people drawing attention to my appearances and I don't enjoy when they do. I'm not angry or upset, it's usually a nice comment they make, and it's irrational for me to be anything other than appreciative of a compliment. That doesn't mean I can change my instinct reaction to be a little embarrassed and try to change the subject.

All this to say, some people are very public about their weight and some are not. I don't like talking about it with others and my default assumption with others trying to lose, unless they tell me otherwise, is that they prefer not to either.

People are just amazed and when people hear of another's weight loss success, they live vicariously through them in a way.

I do understand how embarrassing it can be though. I remember when I first lost weight (I used to be 248) and brought my new boyfriend around, everybody was going on and on about how much weight I lost and how I had really "come down" and I just wanted to be normal around him. Not the former fat girl. Being fat was hard enough, I wanted to forget sometimes.

:hug:

I don't generally read fiction these days, but I would love to read any book of non-fiction kaplods chose to write!!! Heck, I might even try the fiction.

To the OP, I am in the camp of those who wish someone would say something about the weight loss. But I had regained some, then re-lost it so I just got back to goal. It was hard work, but no one else cares and they probably don't want to look to a yoyo dieter for inspiration. The original weight loss is old news and everyone has moved on. But when I first lost the weight, I did get my share of questions and compliments and they made me feel proud and happy and I was glad to give them tips about things that worked for me and commiserate about how difficult it is. In my circle, I think it is considered more polite to comment than to ignore weight loss.

I just tell the nosey neighbors that I have lost 12 pounds since the first of the year. Then I immediately ask them how many pounds they plan on losing.
And I also add...if you need any help diet-wise, just ask me and I'll give you some good advice on looking better too. :D

They get really flustered when I put the attention onto their weight.
Even if a person is thin, they still manage to think they need to lose a few pounds. :?:

Talking about my weight is fair game to them, but when it comes to their own weight, that is off limits. Then they never bring it up to me again for fear I'll put them on the spot again. LOL...Works every time. :D

Put the ball back in their court, but be very nice and helpful about it.
And if you belong to a gym, ask them to come along with you and tell them it will do wonders for their health also.
NOBODY has wanted to go to the gym so far. :snooty:

I really, really like this.

(I do have a neighbor, about my age and 20-30 pounds heavier, who talks to me about my running. I still have hopes that she'll try it-- but because she seems genuinely both interested and intimidated, not because I want a running partner [I don't].)

I did compare weight loss to intentional appearance changes (because most of the time weight loss is an intentional change and usually for more than health reasons), but I think what I said equally applies to unplanned and unpleasant changes (if you lost a limb, were disfigured by burns or one of your children suddenly went "missing" I think many people would ask about it, and some would be able to do it more sensitively than others).


The "social rules" aren't always clear for any of those changes. People don't know how much to say or ask, and when people don't know what to say they tend to either say too much or too little (just as the person who is the recipient of the attention may have different desires or comfort levels with either "too much" or "too little" attention).

I've had friends who've miscarried who are upset that family and friends have asked about the miscarriage and others who were upset that no one said anything. Or that people talked about their own children or avoided talking about their children.

When the social rules aren't clear (and sometimes even when you think they are) you often have to ask for what you want, because people aren't mind readers. And they can only act (at best, and none of us are always at our best) as they consider appropriate. Their appropriate and your appropriate are different, and the best, easiest, and least hurtful way to address that is to ask for what you want.

Turning the tables or finding a snappy comeback doesn't always work (in my case, I'm very comfortable talking about both my weight loss and my lack of weight loss with virtual strangers - and I don't offend easily - so if you want to shut me up - talking about me isn't going to do it).

I think a more honest and constructive response is to tell people how you want to be treated (and remind them when they forget). It doesn't matter what you find personal (even if it's a personal idiosyncracy), it's ok to ask people to change the subject, or to explain that it's a subject you're not comfortable with.

I have an friend who is not just afraid of birds, she has a severe phobia. Even mentioning birds makes her queasy. There's no way anyone who doesn't know her could know that (and even those of us who do, forget - because who is that afraid of birds, after all). She has to ask people to change the subject when birds enter into the conversation. She doesn't want to have to explain her phobia, and yet she often has to, because most people don't "get it." They look dazed for a second and ask "what do you mean, you don't want to talk about birds, that doesn't make any sense?"

At least with weight loss, most people will understand why you might not want to discuss the topic (though some may not), but because some people love to talk about weight loss (in the specific and in the abstract) and others don't - you have to be open with people to get what you want (you can of course, be passive aggressive or rude about it, but you don't have to be. This is where you may want to consider treating people the way you wish to be treated - if they would become uncomfortable with a topic you're asking them about).

Some people are going to be very intuitive and will sense your discomfort and change the subject themselves - but most people won't. If they think they would love the attention, they're going to assume you will too.

Asking for the treatment you want, is the most straight-forward (and I've found, usually the most successful).

As I mentioned, I still think that even those who want to lose weight to change their appearance do not necessarily welcome attention on the process of changing their appearance. I had a teacher in high school who had weight loss surgery, but she absolutely did not want to talk about it, or for others to talk about it. I understand. She was going through a great deal of emotional and physical changes and felt a bit vulnerable that the latter were so clearly visible. Same with a good friend who had breast implants. She wanted to alter a component of her appearance, but she did not want others, even close female friends raising the issue. It was a very private decision she made. She wanted larger breasts but did not feel comfortable talking with others about the process she undertook to get them.

In these situations- and with others losing weight- I don't see accepting a comment or compliment appreciatively and then changing the subject as being passive-aggressive or rude (I am not saying you are implying this, I am just clarifying my stance on it). I think it's a polite way of acknowledging the genuine kindness someone has expressed and then gently signaling that you would prefer to talk about something else, without saying directly "I would like to speak about something else." I don't find this passive-aggressive or dishonest in the least- just a different way of letting the other person know you would like to speak about something else. If someone clearly "doesn't get it" and continues to speak about the subject, certainly I agree a more direct tactic will be more direct.

I have certainly been on the other side of the table- broaching an issue that clearly the other person was not interested or comfortable in talking about. I usually find it very clear that a brief response to that answer and then a change of subject or a declining to speak more about it signals to me they are uncomfortable. I follow this social cue and do not approach it again.

Continuing to engage in a conversation that you felt uncomfortable with and getting angry at the person afterwards for raising it is a bit less honest. I don't ever get upset when someone draws attention to my appearance or another me-centered subject that makes me slightly uncomfortable. I genuinely appreciate their compliment- both verbally and mentally- and then move on.

I certainly don't expect others to be mind readers, but I do think it's reasonable for them to be attuned in a conversation when the conversation veers towards being uncomfortable for someone. I certainly understand when people make a comment or give an inquiry about a certain subject, and usually I appreciate it. This could range from "You have lost weight, you look great!' to "I'm really sorry to hear your father passed away." I think these, and many other subjects, are highly personal though and the person raising the subject should be aware if delving further is not comfortable for the other person.

Because I am a rather private person, I assume others are as well. If they bring up a personal subject that they would like to speak about, I am more than happy to engage them and talk about it with them whenever they need to talk. If they never bring it up, I probably won't either. If I do broach a subject that is a bit too close for comfort, they usually make it quite clear in whatever way they feel most comfortable.

I appreciate that you are so open and honest about your weight loss process, and of course other dimensions of your life. My conservatism about what issues to raise and not to raise draws from my personal preferences and comforts- how I would like others to treat me :).

I don't really think I'd be embarrassed.

I mean, I know it's different for each person, but I'd be proud that I was able to make enough of a change that people started noticing. I've always been heavy. If I managed to get to a point where people weren't afraid to ask me about my weight loss (rather than just pretending that how big I am is this pink elephant in the room that was being ignored), I would feel pretty proud.

I mean, I'd much prefer questions or remarks about weight loss than those half-hearted "you're not that fat"s or "you have such a pretty face"s. THOSE are the remarks that I find truly embarrassing.

I want to talk about the Boyfriend part.

Why do you automatically go to a negative space? 'Oh he is going to think I am going to get fat again." Have you asked him about how he feels? Have you asked him his thoughts on the issue? Yes, you have lost 60 pounds and clear he finds you attractive, you are an average/normal size for most women and I am thinking you are planning on losing more.

However, maybe he sees like like this "Wow.. She has lost 60 pounds? I can't believe this amazing girl has the commitment to do something like that!" Perhaps he is wanting to be supportive, root you on and encourage you to keep going. He wants to be part of your life and having been a former fattie is part of your life. Shout it out, be joyful about it. You did it.. You lost 60 pounds! That takes alot of courage, commitment, bravery and clout to stick with your plan every single day.

Also remember, losing weight is a life long journey, just because you have lost say 100 pounds in the end, that doesn't meat you get to stop what you are doing. You will still need to work out everyday, watch what you eat and be mindful and committed to keeping the weight off. I think personally, that says alot to a guy.
1) You take care of yourself
2) You aren't afraid of commitment
3) You have responsibility, in you, yourself, your daily life
4) You are mindful of what you put into your body. - You think before you act.
5) You are active. You don't want to sit at home in the dark with a Dew and World of Warcraft
6) You are athletic. You can stay up all night and dance the night away
7) You could be into sports. Guys love it when they can talk football with a girl or can play tag football or something with them.
8) You are energetic.

I could go on but you get the point.

Losing weight is not just about burning fat, you change your entire life, you as a person change. I never dreamed in my lifetime I would sit down and watch football with someone and enjoy it. Or that I would be running 2-3 miles on the treadmill after sweating my *** off to an hour of Kickboxing. SO much about me has changed.. and it's changed in front of my best friend (Who I am also very attracted to and vice versa) He helps me hold myself accountable, he sees the changes in me. He likes me FOR me. A smaller me is way more fun then a huge me, but either way he still loves me one way or another.. so give your new guy some credit, don't write him off already. Talk to him and see what his feelings are.

I agree as well - my point was only that people cannot read minds, and there are no fool-proof ways to distinguish the people who want to talk about any topic, from the people who do not (except by the person speaking up).

Also to clarify, changeing the topic is not passive aggressive (although it doesn't really address the problem head-on, so it's likely to reoccur. The audience may not understand why the topic was changed, so will not know to avoid the topic in the future).

Hinting is not the most effective form of communication, because often it assumes that people are supposed to read between the lines, and a lot of people just aren't observant enough to get the message.

What is passive aggressive (or worse) is expecting people to "just know" your desires without you having to communicate them, or suffering in silence and then harboring resentment, or trying to find a way to turn the tables on the person by showing them how rude and horrible they've been.

I don't think it's rude or terrible to be unable to read minds. I don't think we should all assume that people do (or do not) wish to discuss weight loss - because some people do and some people don't. The only way to know is to tell or to ask. Not everyone will think to ask, so the burden is on the uncomfortable person to change the subject (and to explain if they don't want the subject raised again).

No one should feel obligated to discuss ANY topic if they don't want to, but the most effective way to avoid a topic is to communicate clearly your desire not to discuss it. A simple "I don't really want to talk about that, let's talk about something else," tends to work better than hoping people notice your discomfort, intuit your unvoiced needs, and meet them without having to be informed or asked.

I'm a private person. At the begining of this lifestyle change, I didn't tell anyone. Only my mom. Because she is the only person in this whole wide world who REALLY REALLY understand me. I've lost over 42 pounds so it is noticable.

I don't mind if people say, "oh you've lost weight" that's fine. But don't, just DON'T say it EVERYTIME you see me! I have also had people ask me exactly how much I've lost and these days I only answer it with "a few".

Wow! Thank you ladies for all of your responses!! You've given me a lot to think about. I love all of the diverse opinions and perspectives!!

My comments about my boyfriend were my hangups and in no way reflect what he says/does. I am recently divorced (in my 30s) and overly sensitive to the possibility of rejection. I'm getting better with it. I am sure I could talk to him about it and I'm sure he would be positive and proud of me. In fact, I know he would be and I think I will say something soon so that next time someone has the OMGGG YOU LOST WEIGHT! HOW MUCH HAVE YOU LOST? in front of him, he'll know my feelings on it. I don't think I'm going to get out the photo album with him, but I should tell him and give him the chance to be supportive. You're right - I'm putting up some crazy walls and need to let that go.

As for the attention in general to my weight loss, I think a lot of it is that I don't like it when people pay a lot of attention to me for anything especially something that coincides with my insecurities on my appearances and is directly related to my divorce rejection. (I lost most of the weight during the first few months after it happened, so I feel like it's an advertisement of my rejection rather than improved health habits. Now that I am doing better, I have kept it going with healthy eating and exercise but it didn't start that way.) I just feel like my emotional issues are being publicly exposed when people comment on my weight loss especially loudly and dramatically. I know I have some things to work through and I'm getting there. Maybe for most people that don't have these things as part of thier weight loss journey, the comments would be positive. For me, it is a personal journey that is involuntarily public. That's why I like to talk about it here with you guys!! :)