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Old 09-30-2011, 10:53 PM   #1  
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Default What Is The Biggest Reason Why You Feel You Can't Get A Guy

Hi everyone I just love the support I get on this site. I feel like we are all sisters who have each others backs . I personally believe that the reason why I can't get a guy(of my choice) is because of my weight.
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Old 09-30-2011, 10:57 PM   #2  
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i thought my weight was the problem.

it turns out, my confidence was a bigger problem than my weight. i got confident about all the other things i had to offer. i took the mentality that anyone who is willing to judge me by the size of my waist isn't worth my time, and told myself if they didn't like what they saw could look the other way. not long after that, i met the man who i married this past summer... and i was at my highest weight when i met him.
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Old 09-30-2011, 11:15 PM   #3  
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I also met and married my husband when I was at my highest weight (and he was the first "fat" guy I had ever dated).

My weight never stopped me from dating (except when I let it).

My younger (thin and pretty) sister has had much more men troubles than I ever did, mostly because she's extremely shy, and I'm extremely outgoing.

I know appearance can be important, and my weight no doubt did limit my dating pool, but it didn't empty it. I didn't have to date pond scum either.

Comparing my dating experience with those of women friends and relatives with "worse luck," I've become convinced that the biggest obstacle to finding good guys to date, is feeling that you can't get them or don't deserve them.

Last edited by kaplods; 09-30-2011 at 11:15 PM.
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Old 09-30-2011, 11:20 PM   #4  
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^This.

I was about 196-199 when I met my soon-to-be husband because I finally said goodbye to the fear that had been "weighing" (pun intended) me down. Since I have met him, I have lost almost twenty pounds. The motivation was not him but it was the subconscious knowledge that I was attractive and worthy of treating my body well. I think my massive weight gain was the result of self-hatred and not caring so when I released myself from those feelings, I opened myself up to weight loss and to love.
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Old 09-30-2011, 11:37 PM   #5  
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I, too, met my husband when I was at my highest weight and he was a college lacrosse player who was in amazing shape. It's definitely in your confidence and how you carry yourself. Of course there are going to be those that judge us by our weight but I wouldn't want someone like that anyway, whether I was fat or thin.
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Old 09-30-2011, 11:51 PM   #6  
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Like a lot of you have or do, I blame it on my weight. But that's because it's something that is "easy" to change. If I want to lose weight I can, but becoming confident, outgoing, caring, attentive, patient, and all the other things that you need to be in order to build a healthy, happy relationship with another person don't come easy. It's harder to admit that I'm not always these things than it is to admit that I'm fat. I'm fat, so what?

I've also gone through enough long term (3, five year) failed relationships, including one marriage, that I don't see being in a long term relationship as a possibility for me. I tried dating again this year as I've started to regain my confidence and I feel that I'm in a place where I can offer something to a boyfriend (not to a fiance or husband at this point), but I got hurt very badly again. So I blamed another guy dumping me on my weight and use that as a great source of motivation for continuing on this journey. I know that the number on the scale doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things and there are beautiful and happy people who weigh 112lbs and 354lbs and other beautiful and happy people who fall in love with them and everyone in between, but I am not ready to love or be loved.
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Old 10-01-2011, 12:04 AM   #7  
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I think it's a combination. I need to lose the weight to have the confidence to put myself out there and not settle, as I have in the past, for someone who I like mostly because they like me. Sure it maybe is just easier to blame my lack of dating success on my weight, but that is something I will need to figure out as I go along. I feel like the potential pool gets larger the closer I get to "normal" or even "overweight" - I can't blame someone for not wanting to date a morbidly obese woman. I don't want to date a morbidly obese man (btdt), and if that means I am shallow, then so be it.

The other thing is that I have a child and that is a deal breaker for some. That is obviously not something that will change!
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Old 10-01-2011, 12:21 AM   #8  
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I often think that men all want thin women. It seems that way because men can be very shallow. They are not all shallow (and of course many women are the same), but perhaps the ones that I want, I dare not go after because of my weight but also because I have been judged before for my weight.

I usually attract jerks, but I wonder if that is because i don't think i deserve better. I am trying so hard to focus on myself and getting to where I feel confident in how I look so I can go after the guys I dont' think i can get. It all just seems so strange. Great thread actually.
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Old 10-01-2011, 12:29 AM   #9  
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I met my fiance at my high weight also. It was right after I got blown off by this guy I thought was wonderful- he had the style I like, he was tall and skinny (something about tall skinny boys.. ), we liked a lot of the same music.. but then all of a sudden I wasn't good enough and I actually ended that one. I used to think that my problem was both my weight and my personality.. and I completely gave up on dating and love. Then a couple weeks later I met my fiance and we've been happy since. He doesn't seem to notice my weight, which is nice, but most importantly, he loves me for me, and I love him for him. He's been really supportive of my weight loss and he's working out with me sometimes to help me not get overwhelmed.

You'll all find someone, (I know it sounds cliche) when you least expect it.
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Old 10-01-2011, 01:04 AM   #10  
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weight isn't the problem. Learn to love yourself just the way you are RIGHT NOW and people will naturally flock to you.

Like some of the above posters, I met my significant other at my starting weight. It was pretty much love at first sight for us too!

I was in the right place to find someone when I met him. I realized that I was worth it and deserved all the best. I stopped putting myself down and lived like the person I always felt I should. I loved (and still do) myself for WHO I WAS, not WHAT I LOOKED LIKE.

My fiancee loves me for who I am Is he happy for my weight loss? Of course, he knows I'm working hard. Would he love me if I wasn't losing weight? Of course he would.
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Old 10-01-2011, 02:28 AM   #11  
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Me. I was the biggest reason why I couldn't find a guy. Well, I guess I should say, healthy relationship. At my very heaviest I had the attention of men but only because they thought I was an easy target for "giving it up" quickly because, afterall, wasn't I desperate, alone and self loathing? Sadly, they were right and it was all because of how *I* felt about my weight. If I wasn't healthy emotionally how could I be in a healthy relationship? So in January of this year I swore off McDonald's and men and started my journey.

For the past 3 months I have been dating an incredible man who I know would have adored me at my highest weight but he would never have been attracted to my insecurity, low self esteem and self hatred.

For me, at the end of the day, it did come down to my weight. But not because of how ALL men felt about it but because of how I felt about myself.

(Sorry if this doesn't make sense -- it's 2:30am and I'm rambling! LOL)
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Old 10-01-2011, 08:11 AM   #12  
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My weight was never an issue finding a man. But, I also never made finding a man a priority. It's never been something (except at 14 years old ) that I was "thinking" about.

I was doing my own thing. I was being me. I was just going along with life and having fun.

I was well into the 250+ range with my first boyfriend... my husband met me in the high 200's and has been with me and loving throughout all of my adult weight ranges.

It's just a non-factor. I'm losing weight now, because I recognize that my health was being affected. I want to feel fit, and move more. This whole journey is about that.
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Old 10-01-2011, 08:13 AM   #13  
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All I know is that I haven't had a single date since I got married! Harumph!
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Old 10-01-2011, 11:04 AM   #14  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShanIAm View Post
Me. I was the biggest reason why I couldn't find a guy. Well, I guess I should say, healthy relationship. At my very heaviest I had the attention of men but only because they thought I was an easy target for "giving it up" quickly because, afterall, wasn't I desperate, alone and self loathing? Sadly, they were right and it was all because of how *I* felt about my weight. If I wasn't healthy emotionally how could I be in a healthy relationship? So in January of this year I swore off McDonald's and men and started my journey.

(Sorry if this doesn't make sense -- it's 2:30am and I'm rambling! LOL)
It makes perfect sense! I love that you swore off McDonald's and men LOL I think I'll make that my next resolution too.
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Old 10-01-2011, 11:49 AM   #15  
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well, i'm really picky. i'm also a chunkster, so being picky on top of that really limits things.
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