I used to have the same problem with my family (aunt to be exact). She knew I was trying to eat healthier and I would ask for things to not be brought and I was given the support, at that moment. She was the one who would constantly make snide comments so you would think she would be supportive. However... when she would visit, she would bring the worst things, including dessert, and then get offended when I declined what she made. I was ungrateful, I didn't like her food etc. She turned my goal into her being a horrible cook and person!

I think your MIL was maybe testing you? (Makes me wonder if I was being tested, was I being set up to see if I would give in?) I don't think you're exaggerating. I see the timing as odd. Maybe I'm projecting? lol

Hang in there. Keep making the healthy choices for you and let her/them see you mean it. After all, this about you and your health, not her/them.

You know, my mom does not have a weight problem but does this kind of thing all the time. She thinks that it's great when I'm watching weight, but she does not understand why, if I am watching what I eat MOST of the time, I can't make exceptions every once in a while. I think your MIL's intentions were probably more innocuous- maybe she just thought if you dieted all week, why COULDN'T you celebrate with a more indulgent dinner ONE night? This is the kind of thinking that is hard for all of us to break out of, and it sounds like perhaps that has contributed to her lack of success at losing weight before.

Another thing I would suggest is just not telling her you are trying to lose weight or what you will or will not be eating, and just do it. It can be awkward if you do go off plan and then she feels like, "Well, she wouldn't eat my lasagna, but she can eat THAT!"

I would also like to chime in here and ask if you've considered calorie counting? For me, personally, I need the flexibility of being able to eat what my family is eating- so I might have been able to have a small piece of lasagna, a bunch of salad, and a half a glass of wine without anyone looking twice. Though I know some people really do respond better to having less choices and more structure in their diets and plans like South Beach work well for them, calorie counting has consistently been the ONLY plan I could stick to probably because of the flexibility. Also, if you were doing that, you might be able to help MIL by teaching her how to cook more healthily (get whole wheat pasta, sub some of it out for zucchini, get low fat cheese, etc.) and help everybody out.

Sabotage would really be if she was constantly bugging you to eat something you didn't want to. It doesn't involve not bending to your diet. You can't make the entire household go on the South Beach Diet, and it's not really fair to restrict everyone's food. Can you ask? Sure! Doesn't mean they have to do it.

I know dieters are told to keep things out of the house to avoid eating them, but that's not really realistic unless you're living by yourself. We all have to learn to live with temptation and deal with it.

Snide comments aren't sabotaging you either :) They're rude and annoying, but that's really all they are.

Haha this! I still live at home, so I can't really plan all my meals out. I have to work with what's in the house and what's made for dinner. Calorie counting really helps because sometimes I don't know what's for dinner until I sit down to eat it! ;)

My mom makes great dinners though. I usually budget the majority of my day's calories just for dinner so I can enjoy myself :rofl:

sontaikle: Thank you for your response but read above. I saw that most people misunderstood what I was upset about (maybe I wasn't expressing myself correctly in the heat of the moment I was in) so I posted this above which I guess you didn't read before you responded. I, again, would never expect anyone, at all, not even my husband who is also overweight, to abide by any diet or way of life I decided to follow all by myself. :)

I'm going to jump in behind lin43, here. While it is possible that there was no sabotage in place, the timing was quite questionable. Then the discussion with your FIL.... Hmmmm...... I believe people will sometimes subconsciously sabotage, but I don't understand why. I think you're instincts are correct, but you should step back and just wait it out first. It probably does have something to do with carbohydrate withdrawal! :)

Back when I began my weight loss journey last year, I experienced something similar. This took place for several weeks before I said anything. I asked my DH, who had begun making regular trips to the store and bringing home junk that I'd want to eat, to reduce his shopping frequency (he literally went from shopping a couple of times a month to a couple of times a week). I asked him and the kids to keep everything stored up high, not eye level. I promised my husband and kids that if anything was left out, it would go in the trash. I kept that promise. They got better.

Stay strong. Just stick with your low carb, and find pride in resisting temptation. It'll be tough with people who aren't following the same diet, but they should come to respect your choices.

I think it's important not to use the word "sabotage" even when someone probably is (or even definitely is) trying to undermine our efforts, because it gives the word and therefore the action more power than it deserves.

People are very complicated and so are their motivations. A person can want us to fail and succeed at the same time. WE can want to fail and succeed at the same time, and I think calling other people's behavior sabotage is one of the ways we give ourselves permission to fail.

If we realize that other people's motivations and opinions on our weight loss don't determine our success or failure, then we don't need to waste our time trying to determine what their motivations and opinions are.

People can only sabotage us, with our permission and our cooperation. In fact, we can allow people to sabotage us even if that's not their intention at all (so who is really doing the sabotage).

I've found that completely discounting other people's opinions and desires about my weight loss, has been incredibly helpful. Stress is an enemy to weight loss, and fearing and believing and worrying about other people's intentions, beliefs and motivations regarding my weight loss was extremely stressful.

When I stopped expecting people to make my dieting easier, and stopped worrying about why they weren't making it easier, I cut out a huge source of stress in my life. I don't have to worry about whether someone is trying to sabotage me, because I know they can't unless I allow it.

If I do suspect or know that someone wants to undermine my weight loss, I don't call it sabotage, because that gives it power (after all sabotage is a very serious crime - it's acts like blowing up a building - not making fun of or trying to persuade the builders not to bother).

I call it "their problem," or "their insecurities," and I choose (most of the time) not to get angry (because anger gets me stressed). Instead I choose to see it as a reflection of complicated emotions - I feel a little sad for the person's insecurities. How sad it must be for them to be threatened by the prospect of my success. Compassion and pity are emotions that don't weaken me. Anger and resentment do - so I choose the interpretation that strengthens me.

Support is extremely important in weight loss, but I think we've been encouraged by our culture and the dieting culture in particular to believe that support has to be "the just right, perfect support" (a mythical creature) or it's sabotage. We're taught to believe that there are tons of folks out there, close to us and not, who are anxiously wishing for our failure, and doing everything in their power to ensure it.

It seems we do everything in our power to make weight loss as stressful, unpleasant, difficult in every way, and even paranoia-filled as possible, and then wonder why failure is the usual result.

When you see yourself as strong, and powerful, and feel sorry for the poor fools who don't understand how important your journey is, then you can't be undermined by even their intentional actions (even though most of what we call sabotage is only partially intentional - the person usually wants us to succeed as much or nearly as much as they want our failure. They may not even be aware of their ill intent).

Some days I want me to fail as much as I want to succeed - I can't resent those closed to me for having the same mixed emotions (well I can, but it won't help).

I experienced this with my fiancee's grandmother once. We were out to eat and she ordered something like a bar-be-que sandwich and fries and I ordered a salad. She made several comments about it, and about how she guessed she should be eating salad too (she's a little bigger than me). I absolutely love her, and though I felt awkward that she kept talking about it, I wasn't angry at her. But it did make me think. I believe that people make fun of or try to 'sabotage' us feel incredibly sensitive about their own bad decisions and the only way they know how to reconcile that is to draw negative attention to what you're doing so as to detract attention from their choices and make it look like you're the silly or unhealthy one. I think it makes it easier for them, especially if they're not ready to make their own steps toward good health. I don't think these people are ever motivated by malice, just discomfort and trying to handle the situation flippantly, which also has the effects of detracting from your awesome success. I really agree with kaplods (as I usually do haha) when it comes to viewing healthy eating as pampering rather than suffering. I view it as a spa day for my insides, and why wouldn't I go to the spa every day if I could? I get really excited about eating nutritional powerhouse foods such as seaweed because I focus on it like its some premium spa treatment. Looking at it this way helps you look at people who downplay your success with pity more than anger- we've all been at that point where we weren't ready to get healthy yet. And while most of us wouldn't lash out at those who were eating healthy, some people just do respond that way without even realizing what they're doing. Right now you're holding up a mirror to her ugly ways of eating and that has to be painful, we've all had to face the mirror (or a terrible, unflattering picture). Just pat yourself on the back and keep doing what you're doing. You're setting a great example, and what may be painful now might be the motivator that helps her change her own behavior. Don't get smug ;) hang in there honey.