Today is a pretty darn tough day for me. Today is the day I slated to start my exercise and the day I was slated to start my online classes. Yes today was the day I that I start work on being a better me! However, today is just not going that way. I set today to start exercising because I got into a bit of an accident a few weeks ago (I flipped a mini dune buggy because I am a genius) so I was giving myself time to let those few bump and bruises recover. Well, they have.
The big issue that has me down is my classes. A few years back when I was in school, things got really bad at home and I had to become the breadwinner for my family. It was a combination of my mother’s illness and my father’s business partner dying and everything just not working out in the economy, so at 21, I gave up college and went to work full time. I just couldn’t afford to go anymore and we couldn’t afford to not have someone working steady full time. Since then, I have made great accomplishments. I have paid off land, a house, a car, and dug myself out of the debt we as a family acquired. However, I forgot to take care of me.
I’m now the biggest I have ever been due to my self-neglect. That I will work on, but I have always looked forward to going back to college. Well, a few months ago, I signed up. I did. I went to the school, got accepted into a program, the works. I even attended new student orientation and made a few new pals. I then find out that the school has dropped my program. Yes, DROPPED IT. It took so much nerve for me to do all that, and now I get the finger. It took four years for me to finally get back there, and when I do, it screws me up like this.
The college grouped me with a similar sister program, but it’s not exactly what I want to do, and since I have to pay out of pocket to go, I am going to do EXACTLY what I want to do. I’ve worked too hard for my money over the past four years to not do so.
So today sucks. I keep thinking of how great my first day of college was way back in 2005, and wish I were there again now, buying books and meeting people, heck, even standing in line waiting to meet with a financial aid officer. I still need to exercise though, but I just can’t make myself do it. I love exercising once I get started, but today, getting started is the problem.
Sorry for the long post and all the whining (I detest whining) but I had to get it out. I’m putting on this “It’s no big deal” façade to all the people who knew how excited I was, just because they have hardly ever seen me down. So I had to vent how down I really feel somewhere. But now… I have to located motivation for exercising… Where on earth is it?