Need help breaking the "I'll start again on Monday" mentality
 

It's the same every week. Tuesday or Wednesday Hubby and I will relax with a drink on the porch, which turns into more than one drink, which turns into an unhealthy meal at midnight, which turns into me saying "Screw it, the weekend will be here soon, I'll start again on Monday."

It's a twofold problem: One, I enjoy my glass (or two or three) of wine way too much. Two, the all-or-nothing mentality for the week.

Any suggestions on how to start fresh the next day instead of the next week?

I struggle with the same issue and I love my wine as well. I think we really need to look at this as a lifestyle and not a diet. We can probably have our glass or two of wine, but need to cut out elsewhere during the day. It's hard, but I think we need to look at our weight loss as a lifestyle change and something that is not going to happen overnight. I don't really have any other advise, but wanted to let you know you aren't the only who loves to start on Mondays!

You have to look at your Wednesday nights as an enjoyable time with your hubs - NOT as a screw up. Enjoy your evening and get back on track the next day. It isn't all or nothing. That is something that I have struggled with. The thought that if I can't do it perfectly, I will never reach my goals. But it isn't about perfection. It is about how you KEEP TRYING. Make a plan RIGHT now for the rest of today. It doesn't matter what that plan is - just have one.

Also - sometimes I cut my wine in half with seltzer. The first time I heard that, I thought it sounded nasty, but it is actually really yummy. The bubbles are very refreshing - especially now in the summer.

It sounds to me like you haven't gotten your head into weight loss. It sounds like you're "on plan" two or three days a week and eating/drinking whatever you like the rest of the time. This isn't going to work well.

I don't see why you can't begin again the next morning after your wine and food indulgence. Only you are deciding you can't. No one can make you stay on plan. You have to work this out yourself.

Maybe it would help to sit down and make a list of reasons that you would like to lose weight, and a list of reasons that you don't want to diet. You may find that your plan is too restrictive, or that your reasons for losing aren't very compelling. Or you may find out that you want incompatible things--drink and eat all you want, but not get fat. No matter what the lists show you, you'll be more conscious of what's happening to you.

Is your husband helping to sabotage you? Would you rather have "fun" with him than lose weight?

All of these are questions that only you can answer.

Jay

When I give in to my cravings, I make sure I burn off the extra calories I consumed by adding more "treadmill time" or doing some physical activities. I used to be like you, but I realized I'll be farther from the goal if I dont focus. I do cardio every night and do my best not to skip one. Its a mental thing, I know once I skip one, it'll be easier for me to skip another and another and another. I dont want to give myself that option. :)

I agree that you may not be ready to lose weight yet.

For me, the shift in mind set was that this was a lifestyle change, rather than a diet. This wasn't being done for vanity reasons, but for being healthy.

In my mind, it wasn't about blowing off the rest of the week because I had wine on a Wednesday night, it was accepting that my lifestyle would include wine sometimes (not every day!!!) and that the next day, I would wake up, eat a healthy breakfast, work out, and continue on my plan, because it was about health and changing my habits, it wasn't about being on or off a "diet".

I had to never think that this was a diet that stopped me from enjoying the things I liked. I had to see the benefits of being on plan outweighed the negatives of being off plan.

Don't force yourself to diet if you're not ready. You'll just make it really hard on yourself instead and it still won't get you anywhere.

My advice would be to do some journaling.... write about why you want to lose weight. Write about what that wine and big meal do for you. Write about why you don't want to eat healthy. Write about why you like eating too much. Write about why you don't want to take care of your body. Get it all out. It'll help you figure it out.

:hug:

Take off all your clothes.
Stand before a full length mirror.
Take a really LONG HARD look.
Different angles. Front. Back. Side.
Notice the body before you.
Be honest with yourself WHY you want to lose weight.
What are the benefits to losing weight?
What are the benefits to staying fat?
MAKE A DECISION.

NEVER start on Monday. ALWAYS start with the VERY NEXT MEAL.

And always come to 3FC for support!!!!

Hm. Well, it's definitely true that I don't have my head in the game. I am less than 15 pounds from goal, so it's really hard for me to stay focused. I find my motivation really wanes when I feel like I look "pretty good."

And while I'd like to be healthy and fit, it's a real mental exercise for me to choose healthier foods over those that I prefer (i.e. junk). Same with exercise. I am battling a lifetime of laziness here.

In addition, this all-or-nothing mentality crosses over into all aspects of my life, so it's a personality thing for me, too. When I was in school, I either studied my butt off for a test, or I blew it off completely. When I cook a meal, I either make something fabulous or I throw a frozen pizza in the oven. When I read a book, I either read it all in one sitting or I don't read finish it at all.

Living healthy is like that for me, too. I either do it or I don't. I've spent my whole life living extremes, I guess. Balance is difficult for me to find.

You've identified the problem. Now time to work on a solution. It won't come overnight. Baby steps, b-muffin. Baby steps. ;)

Agree with everyone else.

Also ... you can't live your whole life under some crazy "all or nothing" mentality.

Moderation ... have that glass of wine on Wednesday, but maybe pass up the second one. Or forgo dessert the next day.

I completely agree with this strategy, it's one I use a lot to keep me in check. I think for everyone is different. When I saw my mom waste away from terminal cancer a few years ago, that was my lightbulb moment where I decided right then and there that I could no longer afford to gamble with my health. I jumped in with both feet and never looked back. It's not a diet for me, it's simply a way of life.

maybe where you are currently is a better and/or more realistic goal for right now, and you can change your focus to maintaining what you've lost while you continue to build lots of good, healthy habits in your life.

Not that maintaining is all that easy, of course!! But it could be that the amount of will power and effort that works for you right now would be better applied to maintenance rather than loss?

Maybe your diet is too restrictive? Constant lapses are often a sign of an unrealistically low calorie level, for instance. Try setting your calorie level (or equivalent) higher, get used to that, then once you are more secure and no longer feeling deprived, drop 100 calories. Rinse and repeat until you're getting a nice steady rate of weight loss, something that you can sustain comfortably. Meanwhile, you and your husband might want to try sharing a punnet of strawberries as a treat now and then instead of wine. It feels luxurious, it's nice to do as a couple, and it's a lot healthier!

There are some people on this forum who diet in the week and relax on weekends. I don't know how successful they are at it, but whatever you do, don't try that method yourself, you're obviously not suited for it. Which isn't a criticism, I wouldn't do well with that method either. You need to stop thinking of dieting by the week and think of it as something to do every day. Are you weighing yourself weekly, by any chance? If so, that might be contributing to the all-or-nothing-for-the-week mentality.

BINGO! That is so true! Funny how I needed someone else to point it out to me to realize this fundamental thing about myself. But you're absolutely right... I am not well suited to it. Other diets I've tried in the past have involved cheat days or cheat meals (like Body for Life), and those "cheats" almost always turn into downhill slides.

You may also be right that my diet is too restrictive. Woman can not live on chicken breast alone. ;)

So... perhaps it would be best for me to give up the idea of relaxing on weekends, and instead just try to be less restrictive all the time (without loosening it to the point of triggering a total downward spiral).

Balance, right? ;)

There we arem, you've learnt something useful from the experience! A lot of people here recommend a book called "Thin for Life", and while I don't own it, I've read the first 80 pages via Google Books. One of the things which really struck me in that book was when they say that if you've dieted repeatedly in the past, don't think of it as a failure. It means that you have an enormous reserve of knowledge about what does and doesn't work for you.

Being less restrictive full-time does sound good. It doesn't mean that you have to be lazy about it, just that you set a higher calorie allowance or similar. After all, the most important thing about a diet is that you can stick to it happily and comfortably. Guilt and deprivation don't help anyone.