Why do I keep doing this?
 

Story of my life... for the past 6 years. And I'm 18.

I was a chubby child... our whole family was. When I was 10-11, my Dad was diagnosed with meneare's disease, and was having vertigo attacks almost daily, and was beginning to lose his hearing. So... our whole family went on the Atkin's diet... in order to help my Dad.

We all lost weight. And that was where I really began fighting it all... I didn't want to do it if I had to do it. I wanted my chocolate, my cookies, etc. So, I would sneak and buy them anyways. But I still lost weight, and when we stopped doing Atkins... I really did look and feel great... at age 11.

Fast forward a year. I had gone back to my old eating habits... or I guess you could say my normal eating habits... and gained weight. I would still occasionally come up with this diet or that... but never really stuck to anything.

The time I remember REALLY starting to try and diet was in 9th grade. I was 200 lbs at that time... and oh... I will never forget the shame of stepping onto that scale in front of the PE teacher, the father of a good friend of mine... and a friend of the family... and having him read out "205 pounds" to me. :(

I began trying to lose weight... I tried a no meat diet, all meat diet, cutting out sugar, cutting out this or that... and... I would do so... for a maximum of three weeks... and then... it was gone.

I believe that around the age of 15 I had actually managed to get down to 180... and then the scale crept back up again... to around 210.


Last year I joined this forum at around 215. I got down to 203... and then... it just stopped. I had such a passion... and then... I didn't. Or... something. I really don't know... and I'm still trying to figure it out.

I tried again... 225 (at my heighest, I believe I put down 220 on here)... got down to 205... I can't believe I lost that much... and I was looking forward to losing more... I was so excited, so... there... so happy... so eager...

And... here I am. A month later, 213.5 as of yesterday morning... feeling horrible.

I'm 18. I should be out living and enjoying my life... not worrying about whether clothes fit me, whether I can do the things I want to do, whether or not I can fit in the seats at amusement parks, etc etc.

But... maybe I'm scared of losing the weight? I really don't know.

All I do know is that I hate this... and I feel as though I will never do this...

You are around my age -I'm 19- so I think I can really relate to you with your problems.
First off, like you, I know what it's like to be constantly thinking about your weight. Even as young as we are, we've struggled with this for years.
Don't tell yourself you'll never do it because guess what? You never will. But you didn't need me to tell you that.
Sorry if I sound corny, but my mom always told me to pull out my inner strength when I feel like I can't do something. And if I ever said "I'll try" to my dad, his response was always, "losers try."

Do you have an idea of what's derailing you? Snacks? Sweets? Skipping exercise? My best advice is to take time to pinpoint your problem and then make a plan to correct it.

Hey there. I'm 20 and have a very similar story so I can relate to both of you. I have always been heavy and always seemed to sabotage myself. I tried but I never tried like I should have. Almost 2 months ago I hopped on the scale at home after noticing my size 15 (juniors) werent fitting anymore. (i had been wearing that size for the past 5 years). The number I saw killed me. I had passed 200 and hit my highest known weight of 212.7. I stopped drinking diet soda and within 2 weeks I was down to 206. Then I was stuck there for awhile. I am on day 4 of my 17 day diet (a book you can get at walmart). I haven't incorporated all of the diet changes in my diet (i'm a little too broke to buy all the stuff they say to eat all the time) I am down to 200 and afraid to weigh in in the morning because I screwed up big time today. Trust me I feel ya.

I don't quite know if it's any one problem... I know that I can't give myself really strict rules... especially if they're rules my parents have given me in the past concerning foods... because then I'll subconsciously fight them... even if I'm consciously trying to follow them. >.<

But... maybe it's telling myself "just this once"... or... something.

But it's also different every time... but maybe in the end it's just losing my focus... or... telling myself "I'll get there eventually" instead of "I'll do it now".

*sigh*

I know I can do it. I know it can be done. And I don't hate myself... I've been dealing with all of that in my counseling sessions these past six months... at least... I'm actively working to not hate myself... but... it's hard. But that's life. Life's hard.

I need to stop overthinking things... and just do it... or something.

Serbider Love the picture of the doggie! :)

Personally, what helps me decide that I'm going to get this done RIGHT NOW is the thought that, once I get it over with, I can be happy, healthy, and live a normal dang life.

You have to focus on the positives that will come out of getting the weight off NOW. For me, it's feeling sexy around my husband, not hiding every time someone pulls out a camera, and knowing that I'm healthy. (My mother's side of the family is practically spilling over with diabetics, so health is a real concern for me.)

It's also knowing that doing it now is 20x easier than doing it when I'm older. All I've ever heard from older women is that losing weight is **** for them. It's not easy for me, but I know that if I do it now and keep my good habits, the weight will stay off and I never have to worry about it again.

I cannot wait to get into maintenance. Going to the gym fewer times each week (though honestly I love working out so I may still go 5 days a week, lol). Still monitoring my calories but getting to eat more than 1,200 calories a day? (A calculator I've been using says my goal weight with moderate activity requires 2,200 calories a day to maintain.) Ah, heaven!

I'm so tired of worrying about my weight and my body, about what relatives will say every time I see them. I'm ready to get this under control for life. How about you?

I'm ready to get to college... and have a giant gym to be able to use.

I love to work out... in a gym. But I can't afford a gym membership... especially for just half a month.

But yeah... I'm more than ready to get this under control. I need to do this now... for me.

I need to start my IF again... I loved doing that... only eating one or two meals a day... not worrying about how many calories are in them because even if they're 1000 calories for one meal... if that's all I eat... that's 1000 calories for the day... less than I should have... but I don't have to stress about it.

Today's over... but tomorrow I will not eat until 2 PM. Lunch is leftovers... so that's nice.


I dunno... I find myself eating to satisfy others. I grew up in a culture where saying "no" to food will just get food put next to you anyways, so you can say "no"... but you'll have to eat something anyways. That... and always finish your plate.

So I'm really looking forward to college... and not having to worry about dinner with the family, or something like that.

And a giant school gym. I can't wait for that. :D

It sounds like you might be restricting too much. If you're going on hardcore diets, like without ANY sugar, for example, you're going to crash and burn.

I would recommend trying calorie counting. Calorie counting doesn't mean you get to eat all junk all the time, but it allows you to treat yourself within your limit. I'm currently obsessed with Fiber One brownies, which are 90 calories and actually decent for you. And I eat it SLOWLY, savor it, so even though it's much smaller than my usual portion size, I don't want anymore after that!

My main point is - with calorie counting, you can add in a treat here or there, and still be on target. It sounds like maybe you just need to learn moderation.

Just saw your last post - I have to say, I do IF, but with more than one meal. Eating just one meal will NOT satisfy you psychologically, no matter how big it is. You'll be wanting more, and you'll break diet. And dining plans at school (will you be on one), leave plenty of room for eating more than you should - it happens to the best of us!

Like I said above, moderation!

I've done calorie counting... a ton of calorie counting. I've restricted stuff, I've allowed stuff... I've counted stuff... I've not counted stuff... I've taken out stuff... I've put in stuff... etc etc... all with the same result.

I'm technically supposed to be gluten free... so I'm going to do that again. For health reasons. I don't eat dairy because I'm intolerant/allergic, I don't eat olives because I'm allergic, same with shrimp, flax, and a couple other things I have on a card. So I have to go off those...

I actually did go without any processed sugars for a while... I felt great... and then I had something with sugar in it... because I felt as though I had no choice (dinner with family or something... it would be rude to refuse it... or so I thought), and then that ended. I've done no processed foods for a while... 5 ingredients or less... that was great... and then I would have something else... I did Vegetarian for a long time... and a healthy vegetarian... didn't lose weight because my calories were too high even then... but I loved being a vegetarian. And then my doctor told me I had to eat meat or else. And because my mom was there... that was the end of that.

I'm really not just doing hardcore diets. In fact... none of the diets I've done have truly been all that hardcore at all. I never really had a crash and burn... more of a sizzle and die...

ETA: doing IF I have never had just one meal... always at least two... but yeah. Usually it just involved skipping a meal. NOT resorting to just one meal... probably shouldn't have said it that way.

I hear ya on the gym. I've never been the type who could work out by running down the street (like my mom does - I prefer low impact cardio for the future health of my knees). Our school has an AWESOME gym that's free for students, and it helps me stay on track. (Working out makes eating healthy easier for me because I don't want to spoil all my hard work.) So good luck to you there! I forget that living at home leaves a lot out of your control as far as meals prepared and what gets bought for groceries. Maybe you can just focus on the food part until school starts. Then you can incorporate exercise, and you'll have more control over your food too. Good luck! :)

Thanks. I'm gonna start IF tomorrow... and really get on my own back about the gluten thing... no donuts at church tomorrow morning. Not happening. ;) I'm gonna make myself a cup of iced coffee here though... I have some yummy Brazilian Bourbon stuff that I really should drink at some point.

Thanks... I know I can do this... and I know I can stick to it. I know I can. Now... to do it.

Hi Serbrider,

I too recently had a slip back upwards (I had to add 5kgs to my ticker) ... but at least it wasn't yo yo'ing all the way back up and some for both of us ... It was kind of refreshing to start again for me ... and to be honest with the scale again ...

Hope you find a solution that is right for you ...

Take care ..

maybe you're being overly restrictive? i count calories. if i want ice cream, i eat less of something else. i don't feel like i'm depriving myself because i can still eat what i want to, so long as i'm doing so in small quantities. have you tried anything like that?

Hi serbrider. I've seen your posts from when you first got on 3FC, and I've noticed that you start plans, and then something comes along and you drop them.

I'm sure this seems like a mystery to you. As you say, you've never crashed and burned, just fizzled out.

So first, try to figure out why you drop a plan. Is it too restrictive, either in terms of calories or food choices? Is it boring? Do you think you "need a treat" after some point?

Next, try to find a program that will work for you, and make a commitment to stay with it for at least 1 month. That sounds kind of easy to say, doesn't it? I struggled with this myself. I first lost using calorie counting, and then found I couldn't go back to it. I couldn't last on it. My idea about that is that I was eating too much carbohydrate, and too much of that was refined carbohydrate. That shifted my metabolism into wanting more and more carbohydrates, and I felt hungry a lot. The plan I'm on now is a low calorie diet, much lower than I used to eat when calorie counting, but I don't often feel hungry because of how the food is spaced out. Also, I get a good amount of protein and not so much carbs. (It's a modified Medifast program.)

You might look at the Atkins program--because this time you would be doing it on your own, not made to do it by your family--or South Beach, or Sugar Busters. Something to get you away from high-carb, high fat foods and to make sure you get adequate protein. But you need to make a commitment to stay with it for more than a couple of weeks.

I don't think you're scared of losing weight--I think you're scared of not being able to eat those "treat" foods whenever you feel like it. But that's the reality of losing weight!

Good luck! I hope you can find something and stick to it.

Jay

Sounds like me! I went on Atkins cause a friend was on it, dropped a bunch of weight.
I've been going to a healthy weight loss clinic since Jan, and even though my loss as been slow (I screwed up my metabolism by not eating, etc.), I've learned sooo much.
You need everything in your life. Lean protien, carbs (I use veggies and hardly anything from the breads/grains family), fats and sugars (natural, fruit, etc).
I think a big difference for me was cutting out the processed crap we're bombarded with. Also thinking creative with your swaps changes things.
Frozen fruit in the hand blender with a little honey (it's like sorbet) is amazing and hits the sweet tooth.
Even protien shakes can taste like a sinful treat ;) Hello peanut butter cup and orange creamcicle! *drool*
Hang in there! :) GL!

Sounds like an all or nothing personality. It doesn't matter what plan you choose - if you continue with the same mentality, the same thing will happen. You are either on plan or off plan - you seem to have no 'in between'. All or nothing doesn't have to mean gorging or starving.

Sometimes, I ask myself - "is this food right now worth being overweight for? is this taste worth being overweight?"

And you might decide it is not...

Basically up the protein intake (it helps burn fat). Cut out processed foods. Cut down on carbs. I know everyone says this but fruits and veggies are the way to go, so eat more of them. Eat breakfast. I never was a breakfast person, but I am on day 5 of the 17dd and I eat 2 hard boiled egg whites and some sort of fruit everyday. Breakfast is essential in boosting that metabolism for ultimate fat burning. :D I'm not sure if any of these will help you. You seem to have a lot of food allergies but do not let them rule your life and sway you from losing weight. Also, try not to focus on the cosmetic reasons for losing weight. I know it is easier said than done. I have rheumatoid arthritis and a very large history of heart problems and diabetes. (Most of my family is heavy.) I am taking the weight off to get the pressure off my joints and to avoid health problems like my mother and grandmother and aunts have. I hope something I said can help you reach your goal. Remember we're all here for you. :D

Hey Serbrider,

I'm glad to see you back. I was wondering why you shouldn't be eating gluten? I have Celiac's disease where I'm "allergic" (that's just an easy way to say it) of gluten. In researching the heck out of it I found a lot of interesting things that gluten can do to people with Celiac's one of them is to cause weight and depression! That shocked me greatly. Another is it keeps the intestines from absorbing proper nutrients that we need to survive (for me that iron and vitamin D). I also learned it causes fatigue, sluggishness and PAIN. One little thing causes so much havoc...there are much much more things gluten can do to a Celiac's patient, but those few have been the bane of my existence.

I realize you don't like restriction...I can totally relate. I'm 40 and I'm still fighting the Man (whoever he happens to be at the moment). I'm glad that I'm an adult now because it's much easier to tell people no, but when I was your age I still had a mouth on me :) I've been wrestling with getting a job (other issue at hand) and I think that if I do I will have to reign in a lot of my 'tude and I don't like that idea. So I get restrictions and I agree at your age you have a lot of them. I try telling my daughter (with rules at school) that those rules are teaching you about life and how you will have to deal with rules for the rest of your life. Course smart chit comes back with "you don't have rules". Ha, maybe not to the eye, but they are there.

Anyway...sorry about the tangent :) I looked up the IF diet and at first I thought it sounded really hard and very restricted (the time window) but then I realized its a struggle for me some times to eat breakfast (but I do) and I always feel big before bed (late eater so that I can eat with DH). IF actually sounds nice, you have time to wake up and you have time to digest :) Can I make one suggestion, not a restriction :) If you are intolerant of gluten and cut it out for 2 full weeks (clean) I guarantee you will feel so much better. And if you still have symptoms of head aches or depression (not saying you have these things just using them as an example) you will know that those come from other factors. Gluten sensitivity is an amazing thing and just changing that things become amazingly clearer (another symptom...fogginess). I took gluten out for a month and dropped 10lbs just with that modification. AND you can do that with the IF. It takes tweeking but its so worth it.

I wish the best of luck. I wish I would have had internet and 3fc when I was your age...course I wish I would have known I had Celiac's at your age, maybe life would have been different. But you have so many tool at your disposal. Like...you don't need a gym to work out. You have your body. Walk for an hour at a brisk pace, come back to your room and do squats (instead of squat press machine) push up (uses all muscles and you body as weights...awesome exercise). The body is amazing (I look at it like a machine) treat it well and it will give you the best results. Easier said than done...I know:) Like I said I wish I would have had all this kind of info and support at your age...my weight would not be where it is today.

But before all that it starts with you. Again I wish you the best. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you...don't make worrying about your weight a forever thing. Do your best, not because you were told to, but because you Want to. :) Good luck :)