blew it.... sort of...
 

Ok so I have been near perfect for the past 6 wks. Until tonight. Was just not feeling like myself. I have walked 17 miles since Sunday, which I am proud of. I normally average 1200 cals a day but have been calorie cycling so have higher and lower days. However today, which was not a set high day, I lost some semblance of control and shoved 400 cals of chocolate in my face and skipped a walk after I woke up from my nap. I am mad at myself as i was as I ate. I was already over my daily cals since today was a low day. I ate 1500 before the 400. So grand total was 1900. It's not horrendous, as my binges at 131lbs had me at 4000 cals easily. I made up for it by drastically cutting cals for a wk. So I was constantly in a binge starve cycle. This is a major improvement but further proof that old habits die hard. I am totally freaked out I will continue on this train. But the good news is after that mini binge, I stopped and reassessed my hunger and decided not to keep going. I feel like if I'm not perfect, I will fail. This is silly but I needed to express because I feel disappointed in myself. Thanks for listening. Tomorrow is a new day.

As long as you can recognize and prevent the binge-starve cycle before it starts, I think you're in a better place. I know all about near-goal-weight binge cycles; it's a horrid and scary place to be but I think you're going to win this time!

Thanks. Horrid is a perfect way to describe it... I really want to make it this time. I'm really trying to adopt the lifestyle change mentality rather than racing to the finish line only to regain 4 or 5 lbs from goal.

I spent 35 years on the perfect or lousy roller coaster. I was either perfect or bingeing, because I believed that bingeing or even one bite off plan was "blowing it" (no sort of about it).

Every one of the 91 lbs I've lost so far has been by "blowing it" by my old definition. I can truthfully say that I "failed off" 91 lbs. I make as many or more mistakes than I did before, except I don't see them as a reason to make bigger mistakes. I just pick myself up and keep going. No more telling myself that I've blown it (sort of or not). The only way I can blow it, is by deciding that a mistake justifies a bigger mistake (might as well really blow it and start fresh at some future point in time - I don't do that kind of thinking anymore).

In all 91 lbs lost, I don't think I've even had a perfect week.

You don't have to be perfect, you only have to be better.

I'm not saying you shouldn't stick as closely to your plan, as possible - but life happens.

I try to look at weight loss as if I were climing a steep mountain. If I tripped and fell mountain climing, I wouldn't throw myself to the bottom of the steepest canyon, and decide I'll start fresh tomorrow (if I survive the fall).

If I trip, I pick myself up and keep going. Just by giving up the "throwing myself to the bottom" I've climbed higher than I ever have before, and I've not had a significant backslide in all that time either. I may struggle with a few pounds around TOM, but for the most part I've only moved onward, not forward and back a thousand times like I did for the first 35 years of my dieting.

So unless you've given up, you most assuredly did not blow it, not even kind of, sort of.

This feeling of disgust is not an unfamiliar one around here. You will feel better tomorrow after a good night's rest when you can see things more clearly. You should be proud that you stopped yourself because before you probably would have kept going if this were 7 weeks ago.

Thank you so much for this post!!!! This is just what I need to read this morning :)

I am learning to accept the idea that nothing is wrong with me! It is major and difficult as I have lived with the idea that something is wrong with me for my whole life.

OP- My goal is to eat healthy and exercise everyday, weight loss is just a pleasant side effect :)

Anyway some days I miss my goal for the day or some days I almost do but I change my mind and reach my goal for the day (like when I decided at the last minute I am going to aquafit even though I just spent the last hour trying to convince myself and DH why I "shouldn't" go :) )

Or have a mini binge mid day while feeling sorry for myself but coming on her to get awesome counsel and eating healthy the rest of the day. :carrot: I feel good about that, that was a grown-up way to be :D Don't have trigger food in the house if that helps.

Kaplods...The idea of the mountain helps tremendously. I'm all about the metaphors.. they help me make sense of things. I woke up today feeling proud for my self control and pretty good abt being on plan today. This is huge for me that I'm not beating myself up and hiding in a corner stuffing myself bc I feel bad. Thank you to all responders. The support helps a lot during this emotional journey.