Roommate who doesn't understand...
 

Ahh this is my first "official" thread! :carrot:

Anyways, I'm sure some of you have experienced this, but I have a roommate who just doesn't understand why I'm dieting and exercising so much. In fact, she's quite non-supportive of my efforts. It's fine during the day because we don't have much to eat in the fridge in the first place, so we make our own breakfasts and lunches and carry on with the day.

Dinner, however, is a different story. I'm usually okay when she works from 5pm to 10pm and I always eat in between that time, and it's understandable that I wouldn't want to eat dinner with her. It's days like today, though, when she doesn't have to go in that I have SO much trouble. She offered to go buy dinner foods if I would go with her...and I told her I was busy...I'm studying for a final exam, and frankly, I've bought groceries without her PLENTY of times before so she can go just this once by herself. She proceeded to become annoyed with me, and started saying that I don't eat and that this diet isn't necessary and I can skip today and eat whatever I want, etc. This is coming from a girl who can eat as much as she want and not gain a single pound. She always guilt trips me by buying a lot of food and then telling me I'm wasting it if I don't finish it all...

When I started this diet and told her about it, she replied, "You don't need to go on a diet, I can teach you how to have metabolism like me!" I've talked to her a couple times about this, but she doesn't seem to really listen. She constantly is trying to push back my efforts, which I don't think she even realizes is happening. Whenever I work out, she rolls her eyes and says, "Let's see how long this will last," referring to how she thinks this is just a temporary thing. I've told her that this is a lifestyle change, but she always just responds, "we'll see next year" with a "knowing" smile. It's so frustrating to have to defend myself from her skepticism. I just wish she would encourage me once in a while.

eek. she sounds like a winner.

just be straight up with her. that if she doesn't want to be supportive, and if all she has to say is something negative and discouraging, then to keep her thoughts to herself and that you'll buy and make your own dinner. are you guys sharing some of the grocery expenses?- if so, just put and end to it.
i understand that you might not want to have friction with your roomie- are you going to have to live with her next year?
personally, i would just avoid her. friends should be uplifting- not downers.

Yes, we've been sharing the grocery bill for the past year. I'll also be living with her next year, but we have 2 other roommates who are more understanding about my situation so it should be better. We're also buying our own groceries next year so that also should help.

Honestly, I have been trying to avoid her as of late because of her attitude towards this has been so negative. I've tried talking, and it hasn't helped, and I'm not very good at confrontation anyways. I also feel like she only says those skeptic comments when someone is around. For instance, I was telling this guy she's seeing that I want to get up early during the school year and work out, something I'm doing right now. She responded, "You're doing so well right now but once you start school, you're going to fall off the wagon," and kind of laughed about it. I just want to scream sometimes, "NOT EVERYONE HAS YOUR BODY TYPE!"

I noticed this behavior during the school year when she would always convince me to drink. Of course, back then, it wasn't so bad because I would just think it was all for fun. But now, this is something I WANT and I just feel like it's a joke to her.

She sounds jealous. Is she overweight or lives a couch potato lifestyle herself?

i'm not going to try to pigeon hole your roommate, but i was in college too once, and i dropped a lot of weight between my junior and senior year. there is always someone who "doesn't get it", or tries to sabotage you in some way. i used to tell myself that they don't want me to succeed because they see me as a threat. the flattery of that statement (whether it was true or not) made me feel good and motivated me to keep going.

i think you're doing the right thing by avoiding her. sucks that you have to deal with her next year, but school should be over soon right? hang tight till then and just avoid avoid avoid. if she asks why, tell her the truth, if you feel up to it- she's not really being a good friend. although honestly, i wouldn't even waste my breath.

Some people will never "get it".

You don't need to justify any action you take to her. And you're welcome to tell her just that.

"<Roommate Name>, I don't have to justify my food/exercise/habits to you. Say did you see that new movie with that actor guy in it? I thought he looked kinda hot."

She's not overweight at all-- stick thin, actually. She's the kind of girl who has never had to worry about a pound and can eat as bad as she wants and won't show it. Although she has told me she wants to start working out because she's out of shape.

And yes, I'm pretty sure I'll be looking for a new roommate for my Senior year, so that should be done with soon!

Thanks for the advice and replies, guys. It's great to actually feel some kind of support for this for once.

My roommate is the same way. Whenever my food/exercise habits get brought up, she rolls her eyes and tells me life is too short to worry about that kind of stuff. :bomb:

If it were me, and she wouldn't listen, I would try to avoid her whenever possible. Maybe try telling her WHY you need to do this--health risks, complications, etc.

Whatever you decide to do, don't let another person change what YOU want to do. Good luck!

Thanks! It's good to know I'm not alone in this situation. When it comes down to it, I want to do this for ME so regardless, I'm not going to let her comments stop me. It's just discouraging at times!

Is it because you're buying groceries together? Does that change what kinds of things you buy? Do you find you throw out a lot of food or take more than you actually eat? If we were sharing groceries, that would get to me, too.

Why not go ahead and stop sharing groceries now? You buy yours and she can buy hers? I have had probably 10 or 12 roommates (started young, boarding school) and I never shared groceries with any of them. The few times we tried, it always ended in resentment. It was so much easier to just buy what I wanted, they buy what they want. Obviously if you run out of butter and need to borrow, two adults can work that out without a lot of drama. In the end, it's so much easier even between good friends if you don't try to mingle finances and food.

Good luck!

I'm sorry for the roommate trouble! I've been there so many times in college with roommates.
Now I live with my bf and my best friend, both are totally supportive! Both are skinny and probably will never need to diet but they both volunteer to exercise with me if I want company!
But I used to have a roommate in college who did the same type of things to me when I would try to change things in my life and it became so stressful for me that I ended up moving out as soon as i could!
You shouldn't feel the need for anyone to justify what you're doing, Make yourself happy!:)
The rest will follow, or you don't need it!:)

My aunt does this to me all the time. Last year I was doing GREAT. I was biking, running, doing Zumba, dieting... etc...
I housed my Aunt a few times while she was in town (she lives a 3 hour drive away). She judges gymnastics ALL the time, which was fine; I just can't skip working out and "cheat" on the diet every weekend. So I would tell her that I was watching what I ate and that I would need an hour at night (or in the morning) to go to the gym.
She got really hostile about it. Saying it was a waste of life, and how dare I not get a dessert and split it with her. (Which never worked anyway, she would eat the WHOLE thing, but when I say I don't want any it's suddenly an issue...)

It's hard to deal with, but I finally had to tell her that I was unhealthy. I was emotionally unstable, I was out of shape, I was just plain unhealthy. I told her my exercising didn't do anything to her and that if I ordered a cod fish at dinner with veggies and had all the sauces on the side that was MY business. Your room mate may need to hear the same thing.

Personally, your room mate has the issue, not you. Your room mate may be jealous of you, or feel threatened.

I had a room mate say ANYTHING when people were around just to put me down. If a guy came up to me when we were out and we started talking. She would say things to discredit anything. I said I was a student, she would say something like, "At a horrible school that ANYONE could get into." Which wasn't even true. If I said I loved reading, she would say I read barely if ever and then claim I read children's books... which isn't true. I read constantly and I read a lot of young adult (W000t Harry Potter!), but I also read a lot of other things as well. (Alexander Dumas happens to be a favorite author). If I said I worked out she would say, "She works out *occasionally* and I'm sure she'll forget about this little fad of hers any day now." I'm so sad I proved that last one right, but I'm working out again NOW and I'll stick to it.

I found out that this was just my room mates insecurities. She was a bully because she wanted attention. Because how dare anyone notice me instead of her. It was nice when we parted ways. Now I can hold my achievements up high and not have someone bring me down.

Yup, I had some less-than-stellar college roommates too. This too shall pass :). I learned (the hard way) that I just had to do what I needed to do and keep quiet about it. It's OK to set healthy boundaries if people in your environment are refusing to be supportive. I also learned this the hard way becuase my M.O. is to completely shut people out. Turns out that doesn't work so hot either. If there is any way for you to start buying your own food, I think that would really help things.

I totally understand!!! My one college roomate ate nothing but carbs!! By themselves sometimes, like a whole box of au gratin potatoes by herself for dinner and would each lunchables for lunch. Yet stayed a happy size 6 with 30 DDs. NO idea how that works! hehe She never understood me and I'll never understand her eating habits. Luckily my other roomies were in the same boat as me so we would go workout together. :)

This too shall pass!

It sounds like she's got some issues. Maybe she was once overweight, and feels threatened by your dedication to your workout plan? Or maybe she knows or is related to someone who had a terrible experience with it? Does she ever mention that she had a friend/sister/brother/whoever who almost died of self-starvation, who has a bad self-image because of failed weight-loss, or anything similar? Or was she raised by overweight parents who always failed at exercise or diet plans? Maybe she cares about you and doesn't want to see you get hurt. Sort of like if you were to ask someone if a certain outfit looks good on you, they might say that it looks fine even if it doesn't. Maybe she's trying to make you feel good about yourself?

If you don't want to pry that deeply, then just ignore her. If it really discourages you, then my advice would be to move out or find another roommate. She sort of sounds like my high school math teacher. She was the type of person who thought mathematically and could understand algebra easily, and she thought that her students were the same. She refused to change her teaching habits, and would often not explain something in a different way if we didn't understand it the way she'd explained it in the first place. Maybe your roommate is just a strong-willed person who thinks that everyone is like her. If that's the case, then no amount of talking will help until she realizes that she has a problem.