Today started off being a good day... and then…

A co-worker brought up my weight loss attempts. Has anyone else ever had a situation where someone tells them that what they are doing (in their attempts to lose weight) is wrong, or not a valuable goal?

That is exactly what happened today. I kind of wonder, do I have a problem? I don’t think I do, and my husband agrees… But I thought I would get some advice from you guys.

First of all, the conversation started because I have chosen to eat five 200-250 calorie “meals” or snacks and one 300-500 calorie meal, usually for dinner. I like eating throughout the day, and I usually don’t eat much in the morning/early afternoon. So eating small amounts throughout the day helps me keep my calorie count up, and keeps me full. I plan these out the night before and bring them to work. The problem started because I had 1oz of grilled chicken, 2tbs of hummus, and a handful of spinach on a low carb tortilla. It is about 200 calories for the little mini wrap. My co-worker said, “Is that all you are eating for lunch? Are you starving yourself now!?” And of course, another gal joined in. When I explained what I was doing the conversation turned into, “You’re being excessive and you need to just love your body the way it is.” Now, I understand that beauty is skin deep, and please believe that I will always be the first to work on the inside before the outside, but really?!? Let me just break down my plan.. and you guys let me know if I am excessive..

Diet:
Consists of whole foods, try to eat clean as often as possible. Was on 1200 cals a day, but recently changed to 1500. I try to stay away from sugar and not go overboard on carbs, but I DO allow them in my diet. I also have a “cheat” day where I eat what sounds good. And I do not track on that day! As mentioned before I like to break my eating into small meals throughout the day and a larger dinner.

Exercise:
I work with a trainer 2X’s a week, Tuesday and Thursday morning at 6am. We do a full body workout. Depending on how I feel after work, I might go to the gym after work for 30-45mins of cardio. Mon-Wed-Fri I am at the gym after work for an hour to an hour and half working on cardio (I want to run a half marathon and the a full marathon, so I am working on my distance/speed. Trying to build my endurance up). Saturday, I go to the gym and do either the full body workout from Tuesday or Thursday and 30-45 mins of cardio. I do not work out on Sunday.

My personal opinion of the motive behind this conversation was the fact that both of these women do not care what they eat and neither of them are active. One of them is a few years older, and the other the same age as I am. One of them has her masters in Social Work- so her opinions are valued, and I respect what she has to say. The younger of the two is a naïve, air-head, pastors wife type of gal. So when she opens her mouth, I want to shut it for her. The older had good intentions and just wants me to love me for who I am. The younger of the two more or less just wanted to open her mouth. She said that this is consuming me, and it isn’t healthy. That it is excessive. My opinion on this, is that in order to imply a LIFESTYLE change, it has to be a conscious effort. So yes, I track everything that goes in my mouth, and yes I look at nutrition labels before putting things in my mouth, and yes I strive to stay at my calorie goal, and yes I go to the gym 6 days a week.

Anyone ever experience something like this? What do you guys think about it? I do not over-exercise and I have tried to find the perfect intake amount for my body to strive. I don’t think I am excessive. Determined, yes. Motivated, yes. Working my bum off to reach my goal, yes.

I dunno- totally put a damper on my day- which started out awesome with a 4 pound loss at my weigh in… shoot..

I had one of the girls I work with sort of do the same thing. I was talking with one of my co workers saying who I quit drinking regular pop and went to diet and will eventually try and quit that too. She jumped right in and said "You do know diet is just as bad right?" And went on to rant that the sugar in there is probably worse for you than sugar in regular pop. Blah blah. I understand pop is bad, but I'm trying to make an effort to get rid of it completely. Just how she said it, kind of knocked me down.

I went to grab a bag of mini carrots with some ranch from the produce department (I work in a grocery store) and she told me that mini carrots are bad for you because they aren't real and have bleach thrown on them to stop them from growing. Blah blah blah.

I just think there's people out there that will knock you down no matter what. I don't know you Wendee, but form the sounds of it you're doing awesome and amazing. I agree you need to love your body, but it's your body. And if you don't like how it looks, you need to change it. Losing weight and changing your eating habits aren't just to be skinny, it's also so you're healthy. They probably just don't get that.

You're doing great, keep it up!!

I don't think you are excessive. Usually if someone questions my eating, I never tell them that dieting or weight loss is my motivation. I'm eating small meals because I'm having stomach issues, allergy, hypoglycemia. Or I'm on a health kick, trying to take in more protein, etc. This usually shuts people up. Oh, watching my diet to lower cholesterol/blood pressure is also a good one.

If you are bringing up dieting all the time, then they will comment. However, from your post, it sounds like you were minding your own business in the break room and they pointed this out. I don't know why this made your day bad, though. I also don't get why these comments made you question your plan, which sounds good, and is pretty much what I've been doing (although right now my calories are 1600 per day).

Eh, don't listen to them. Nobody has any right to judge whether you're being excessive or not. It might help to just not discuss it with them. If they ask if that's all you're eating, you can just say, "No, I had a snack a little while ago."

Do you think you're being excessive? Obviously, right now you don't, because you're doing it. You may someday change your mind and decide you can't keep doing things the way you currently are. But that's up to you. It's all personal.

Look at a different example. I read a lot. Every night at bedtime, first thing in the morning, whenever I'm not doing something else. If someone who didn't love reading set off on a reading improvement campaign and tried my routine, they might very well find it excessive. But it's perfect for me. I'm not going to try to get anyone else to read more, and they better watch out if they try to get me to read less.

^^ Agree with ZooDoo - if they think they have a right to comment on the food going INTO your body, are they going to pipe up on your bathroom habits as it leaves your body? Seriously - give it the merit it deserves (none) and continue to do as you wish. If they asked if that's what you're wearing (clearly it is) or is that how you're styling your hair (yup) - would that have you question yourself? No - so don't pay this extra attention.

That young girl really needs to get a LIFE.

In my case it's my mom or sisters who always have something to say.
They absolutely badger me until i tell them what i'm doing
then immediately say "oh, i couldn't do that".
Guess what - no one ASKED you if YOU could do that.

Geez Louise...

They don't have to be wrong for you to be right. "Excessive" is in the eye of the beholder.

Regardless of motive, there will always be people in your life who offer unsolicited advice. Some of it you will appreciate (and may even agree with enough to want to change your behavior), some of it you won't.

If you think about it, you can probably even think of times when you've given unsolicited advice aqnd opinions, trying to be helpful.

I think it's a good thing. Personally, I think weight loss should be a topic that isn't taboo to talk about. I wish it were like art and literature and movies in that people could share opinions (even widely differening opinions) without having to worry about offending people who disagree.

Unfortunately we're not (as a culture) like that, be we can choose to be as individuals.

If you're able to be like that, you can say "I appreciate your concern and your advice, but I'm confident in my choices.





You're probably right - all of our opinions come from a personal place. If I tell you that I think anything in your life is "excessive" it probably means that I don't value it as much as you do...

...but you can respect an opinion without agreeing with it.


You get to choose whether or not you want to discuss the subject with them.


I LOVE discussing weight loss, even (ok, especially) with people who disagree with me, because I'm confident in my choices and yet I'm always open to differing opinions on the chance that I might learn something from them.

Keeping an open mind, doesn't mean I'm easily persuaded. I'm confident in my choices, so I'm happy to share my views with anyone willing to be as open.


You don't have to be. If you don't want to talk about it, you can say "thanks, but no thanks" in a thousand ways (and if they don't get the hint, you can say outright "the topic isn't open for discussion" and walk away (that's usually most effective if you can manage a slightly condescending smile, as if you're sad that they just don't understand. If you do it angrily, some people will interpret it as defensiveness and will see it as a challenge).


Most of all, remember if you're confident in your choices, you never have to be worried or upset by other people's opinions. Ultimately their opinions are their own, and they have a right to them (you also have a right not to hear them if you don't want to, by walking away if necessary). But valid or not for them, doesn't mean valid for you.

Yes to this!

Everyone has strong opinions about weight/weight loss/health. If you believe in what you are doing and it is working for you, then they can say what they want and you don't need to internalize it and start questioning yourself.

Man, if I had a nickel for every time my mother was negative about my eating.... well, I'd have a lot of nickels. I've come to the point where I just don't discuss it.

I'd just give the standard "thanks for your concern but my doctor and I approve of MY plan." and then drop it.

Eating small meals throughout the day are perfectly fine! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I've never been called excessive per se, but I did have a moment with two of my house mates a few weeks. One of them bought a packet of cream and jam filled doughnuts onto the kitchen table and repeatedly offered me one, going so far as to push it under my nose. Don't get me wrong, I LOOOVVVEEE doughnuts and before I started this thing, I could easily finish a packet of six of these to myself. But nonetheless I refused his offer repeatedly.

So then he said: "Wow you're really motivated, but I don't think being thin is going to suit your body shape. I don't think you will look right, maybe lose a few pounds but no more than that." and my other housemate agreed with him.

I felt like screaming about how unhappy I am with my figure, how my BMI says I'm overweight and everytime I type it to the damn national health website in I get a warning about how I'm at risk of heart problems ect. But I didn't because I'm kind of ashamed to be overweight and I don't want that label. Instead, I told them how hard I've worked, and how difficult they were making it. They haven't bothered me about it since.

In then end, I figure it's my body and it's my choice. If I want to be thin, I will be thin. If I don't want a doughnut because I have worked myself silly trying to improve my health, my esteem and my body, then I'm not going to eat one. End of story.

I hate it when I explain to people what I am doing and they are like "well don't jump in too fast" Really? Minus this past week because I was soooo sick, but on average, yes, I am in the gym 6 days a week. Some days I have enough energy to go two a days.

I did not start this routine over night, it has been long time coming. I used to only work out like maybe once a week, then was more consistent at 2-3 times a week. I am still working on my diet, I am not eating enough yet, but it is coming.

But why in the world would you discourage me? "Don't jump in" Are you trying to imply that I can't handle it physically? And I also get mad when people are like "Oh, you are putting too much effort into it. Just live. You are beautiful." Well you know what, I would feel much better if my a$$ wasn't in a size 12 jeans! I would feel a lot better if I didn't feel like I should have to wear a hoodie all the time....

Sorry for my rant. You are not obsessed, or excessive. You are doing what is important to you, and I have to say, having an addiction to the gym is far better than one to drugs or the couch....

I HATE it when people tell me this! I am sorry that I want to be healthy and not be embarrassed to step on a scale. I am sorry that you dig "thick" chicks, but that doesn't mean I have to be that "thick" chick. "Thick" is just the nice way of saying fat in my eyes. I personally will not lose my ta-ta's or some of my hips, but I sure as heck would like to lose this belly! I can't take it anymore.

Excessive. Obsessed. Yeah, I've heard that.

As someone said on the boards here once, one person's obsession is another person's dedication.

I can't help but think of concert pianists, ballerinas, Olympic-level gymnasts, people who spend a lot of time practicing or training.

I'm talking about people with passions.

Are they excessive?

People who are "excessive" get things accomplished that people who are more casual or perfunctory don't always manage to do.

Except ....

I have suffered from an eating disorder, and I have to watch this tendency in myself. It's part of my general disposition, actually. The eating disorder is just one expression of it. And I have battled this in myself for so long & come at it from so many angles, I now know when I'm close to crossing the line into "excessive." So I do acknowledge its existence, and also, its ability to do harm.

But because I'm familiar with the borderline between dedication & focus & concentration, and unhealthy obsessivenss, I get annoyed by someone who uses the word casually. In much the same way that I'm incensed when someone accuses someone -- sometimes laughingly -- of being "anorexic."

We get that a lot here. And it never ceases to p**s me off.

Some people are easily made uncomfortable & judgmental about others' behavior. Most of the time, we have to ignore them. Now & then, though, they see something in us that we can't see ourselves, in the same way that some of us can't see our true weights, when we're in denial & saying we "carry it well" or we've lost 100 pounds & still think we're as big as we used to be. So I do think the self-examination this comment caused in you was a good thing, even if you ended up rejecting it. It's a good thing to ask ourselves when we've been involved in weight loss for a long time. Just to figure out where we are, as a check-in with ourselves to see if we're doing okay.

Misery loves company, and everyone is an expert.

Wendee...we are the same height so I can really relate to you. When I started on my new "way of life" eating and weight loss journey, I didn't tell anyone but family what I was doing. No one at work noticed until I had lost about 20lbs. I didn't want anyone discouraging me from my goal, because everyone is an expert doncha know. I did have food pushers along the way that wanted me to eat the cakes, donuts and crap. At first, I said "no thanks" and they would push and push and push. "It's ok, you can have a little" "It's a celebration" "Just a bite" "How about a half of a bagel" "It's Friday". Then I got smart. I would say I had a tummy ache, and that shut them up. Now that I have lost 60 lbs, the women here at work KNOW I won't eat the crap and they actually act like the food police for me. LOL They say stuff like "you can just smell it today" which I think is funny. Going from a tight size 18 to a comfortable size 8 has now made me the expert in health and weight loss in their eyes. Yes, some are expecting me to gain it all back, and say stupid things like "gosh most women gain it all back plus some". Thanks a bunch for the encouragement ladies. But I am at a point where I don't care what they think or say anymore. I know what I did worked for me and will continue to work for me for the rest of my life. I have the tools for success, free for the asking. As you lose weight, you will gain self confidence and your voice. Be confident in what you are doing and let the comments just roll off your back. Your gonna leave them in the dust with your success and then they will be asking you how you did it.

As long as you aren't obsessing I don't see a problem. Me? I tend to obsess over every bite I put in my mouth. I've had issues with eating disorders. So people tend to excessively worry about me and have good reason. But, you seem to have a healthy attitude and you have a good, sustainable, healthy plan with a good, healthy goal of 150 pounds. Now, if you were starving yourself and trying to get down to an unhealthily low weight, I'd agree with their assessment. But...you're fine and they need to find something else to talk about.