I got fat and he didn't
 

How do you deal with getting fatter when your mate not only doesn't get fatter too, but they start working on their looks?

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and I have gained about 40 pounds since we met. It only started to really show about 4 months ago - the same time he started getting new clothes, going to the tanning salon and going to the gym with his friend. He says it doesn't bother him, but I can tell that it does. How do I not let this emotional shame and insecurity derail my chances at loosing my wieght?

Has anyone had to deal with this?

:?:

Why don't you just go and join him when he is working out. Or if that isn't an option try to go on your own and soon enough it will start to show to him. Myself I would do it on my own w/o him if anything just to get a point across. Sometimes men tend to think that if we gain any weight(which they think we are not suppose to do)it is a direct reflection upon them. In the end weight loss or not should be dome for yourself and not to please him. If he is honest in his feeling it should not matter, and hey if you do loose for you at some point in time he will think hey she did this for me. I am in the similar mess here. Part of my weight gain is partly in fault to the meds that I have been on and the rest is totally my own fault. My DH has been giving me those looks as of late. There are days when I come home from work(10pm) and I need to take some of my pain meds(which I have to eat and a peice of fruit or a glass of milk doesn't help) and he says something cause I find myself something to eat. He fails to understand that the pain meds have torn up my stomach and now it is all that I can do to take them when I need them. This I am goin to change when I return for my next appoitment. But oh well. I guess that I rambled on too much just do what ever you are goin to do for you, after all it is your body and you are the one that has to love it and nobody else.


Here's to a Blessed Day

sandy

You're right!
 

I'm so sorry to hear that you're in need of pain medication. It must feel even worse when you know that it's adding to an already difficult battle with wieght. I hope you'll be off the meds soon and feeling much better.

I know how those disapproving looks feel. I get them from family. So that's why I have been hiding my food and eating alone. My boyfriend doesn't see me eat ever really. He doesn't say anything (which is nice) but I can tell that he feels akward around me and not as proud of me when we go out. It's just a feeling, nothing concrete. He tells me how attracted to me he is all the time, but somehow I don't believe him.

I know you're right about doing it for me. I want to be the best looking thing to walk into the room damn it! Regardless if he's there! I want the cars to honk! I want the girls with other guys to get a little worried when I walk in the room! YES! Not the otherway around!

And thank you - I shouldn't go to the gym with him. I need to do this on my own. Just so I can say I did.

You've really made me feel better :strong: !

Thanks again. :angel:

I know how you feel about eating alone. I am dealing with that right now. You are not alone when it comes to being a closet eater. I am going to have the talk with my hubby tonight and tell him what I am doing and that I really need his support. Thia is going to be a really hard conversation to have but I need to tell him. I feel the same as you FNF about him not really feeling attracted to me but I think it is me feeling that way about myself . I don't feel good about me so why should he? I have been with this man for 7 years and I know he loves me more than life itself and that he will give me all of the help that I need. I will have to let all of you guys know how it goes.

You have my admiration!
 

I think you're right Kempyd. I think I transfer my bad feelings about myself onto him. My worry is that because I push this so much that he'll eventually start to see me the way I see myself. I think you hit the nail in the head though.

You have my complete admiration and respect Kempyd! You are superwoman in my eyes! I don't think that I could tell my boyfried about my closet eating. At least not yet. I don't think that he would look down on me, but I would feel too ashamed to admit it to him.

I hope everthing goes well and congratulations on a really big step! You give me hope :angel: !

That is such a nice thing to say, thank you. I didn't get a chacne to tell hubby yesterday b/c he wanted to stay and hunt a few more times b4 he had to come home. He is on his vacation so I guess i'll let him live a little longer. lol Trust me I am terrified to tell him. I know what one of his comments is going to be right now, just stop doing it. I am praying that he understands that this is not just something you can stop. I will need lots of support.
I think the day will come when you have had enough and you will know that it is time to tell your boyfriend. I bet you will be surprised at how he reacts. Good luck!

Oh, by the way. I checked out your web site, which one are you?

I don't need to hide eating from my husband because we do it together. How sad is that. LOL It is true though, Our idea of fun is to spend our day off from work eating. It is very hard to stop doing it.When I lost all my weight the first time we used to spend our days off walking all day and I would like to do that again.

Hi FNF, I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. I have got looks from my father for years the LOOK, you know...and all sorts of veiled hints and comments, that I will never forget. The people who make the comments and give the looks think they are maybe helpful or at least "it is no big deal" but it is so hurtful to the person they are "helping"...I know! Maybe you could work out and take care of yourself separately from your BF - I agree with Sandy.

Hi Sandy, I'm sorry you are on pain meds...it must make taking care of yourself so much harder. I hope you can do some extra nice things for yourself soon - you deserve it!

Kempyd, that "just stop doing it" sounds like something my DH would say also...very scientific, but they don't have any idea of what it feels like inside. If I didn't spend a huge amount of time thinking about diet and working on taking better care of myself I would be buying candy at LEAST once a day - did it for years, no one had any idea (until after child #2 I put on a bunch more weight)...


Lidian

Thanks all. Kempyd I understand what you are goin thru. I told DH way before we got married about my battles with food and for the most part he is ok with it. There aretimes when he brings home stuff he shouldnt but oh. hope that all dies go well for you. All of you are in my prayers.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I told him Monday night and he said that he would help in any way he could. I am thankful that is over with!

I hope everyone is doing great and I will check back in later.

Good for you Kempyd. I hope that all goes well for you