Have you ever seen That 70's Show? Dona on there is big-boned (just look at how many jokes they make about her hand size) but I doubt anybody would say she is ugly. ;)

Even at my smallest I was never thin. I've got a lot of hearty Norwegian/German ancestors to thank for that. But I was strong, I could run races, I could play sports well, and I looked GOOD in clothes. You have to learn to dress well for your body shape and just go with it. Also, if you want to date someone who is only interested in the really thing look than that person is just not worth your time. ;)

I remember in high school realizing that I just never was going to be one of those tiny twigs of a girl but I also knew that I could reach things that many of them couldn't and I could eat more calories than they could too. Also, you'll never need shoulder pants in any suits!

Right now I'm 192lbs and I can already start to see the outline of my ribs and feel my hip bones. It's crazy because I have awhile to go still. I've just learned to accept who I am and love myself the way I am. I know once I reach my goal I'll look sooo much better than I do now despite any big bones.

Just thought I would add this too. I have two boys. One got the build like their father. He's always been tall and very lean. He's now 6'1" (and still growing) and weighs 135 pounds. He has a 27" waist which is impossible to find for the 34" inseam length. He looks great in clothes, he's fit, and he's a good looking fellow (14 years old). Like his dad, his ideal weight will always be on the lower side for people of his height because of his smaller frame size.

My other son is only 5 (6 in a couple weeks). He too is very tall (tallest in his kindergarten class) and he inherited his mother's large frame. Otherwise, they both look a LOT alike - same reddish/copper hair, same waviness. Yet, this son who is trim, not fat at all has an "overweight" BMI for his height. He's ALWAYS been off the charts for weight and height, proportionally. I look at him though and he looks 'right'. It's muscle covering those legs, his tummy is toned, no double chin and so on. No one, ever would say he is fat/chubby or needed to lose weight (no doctor ever has and we've been to several). That's just his build and he's just as handsome and as his smaller framed brother. Actually, at teh same age you can't tell the two apart even though the younger brother has 10-15 pounds on him at the same age and 1 inch taller. They look similar despite such differing frames because they both are trim.

Also, a good friend in college wore a size 14 jean. I did too. I was a bit chubby. She was super thin. She looked HOT! I looked chubby. I would never, ever call her 'thick' as well, she wasn't! Just a really big frame (and tall).

Thanks for all your stories and advice everyone. It definitely makes me feel a whole lot better. You rock guys! :)

Originally Posted by krampus:
It's easy to hate on our bodies. From the other side of things:

I am "very small framed" everywhere on earth except Japan. This means that I will always look "fluffier" at X number weight than other women my height and weight, which I find EXTREMELY frustrating. My wrists are about 5.25 inches and I can't wear storebought watches or bracelets without cutting half the links off. I buy children's shoes sometimes because they are cheaper and fit.

I see so many women with similar builds to me who achieve and maintain very low weights through healthy "always done this" lifestyles, but I know for myself that the restrict/binge/disordered monster would rear its ugly head far far before I can ever achieve the body I dream about. Coming to terms with the fact that I will never have an "Asian-slim" figure is hard and a work in progress.

I have to focus my energy on enjoying my life as a healthy person with good habits and a long life expectancy instead of obsessing over this stuff. It gets us nowhere!

I know this thread is more about being larger frame, but krampus, I think I understand what you are saying. I too, have a very petite build, and it makes achieving that very fit look seem like such a long road, because I know I have to get down to such a lower weight than I want.

I know that my goal weight of 140 is not going to be my goal when I get there. I will probably need to be about 120 (or less) to finally be rid of my problem areas. I wish I had a bit larger bone frame, because there are plenty of girls that are my height and 140lbs that look fabulous! I feel like for me to maintain the weight I'm going to need to be fit, I'm going to have to eat next to nothing and exercise all. the. time.! I don't mean that literally, but I just remember how hard it was for me to get down to 145 once before (with strict dieting and exercise). I was just barely in a size 6, but naked, I was still very fatty! I was so jealous of my friend who has a bit larger frame and at a size 6 looked smooth and fit. I hate knowing underneath all this weight is a petite frame.
Maybe we tend to want what we can't have. ;)

Originally Posted by serendipity907:
Tanstaafl: Was the dancer Polina Semionova? She quite often looks to have a slightly larger bone structure compared to a lot of dancers. She has a gorgeous body, a lovely mix of slimness, muscle and daintiness.

Hi serendipity907 - Polina Seminova is gorgeous! (I looked her up). When I went online to look for the dancer I meant I found out it's Wendy Whelan. She's so muscular and beautiful too!

Isnt it amazing how so many people have the same feelings...yet we all fall victim to what "others" say is "perfection"? I hope that made sense....

if you really really think about it, we all KNOW that our "perfect" weight is where we feel comfortable, and size is relative (I personally own and wear clothes from size 2xl to 6xl and they all fit properly..go figure) yet we still let it get us down....

maybe its time to start a new revolution...one that gets rid of numbers and bmi's and sizes and inches.....well, its wishful thinking I know LOL

I've been all over the weight spectrum, from obese to underweight. Now I'm attempting to head back to a more comfortable weight for me. one thing I've noticed is that it can be really hard to determine what my true shape is when I'm more than 20 or so lbs from my goal because my body changes so much. So you might be surprised when you get to goal.

The other thing i've learned is that there are just some things you can't change about how you look. And that can REALLY stink. For me it was necessary to acknowledge that disappointment before I could really start to accept what I looked like.

For a number of years I was anorexic. A real turning point came for me when I looked in the mirror and realized that I couldn't starve away my bones. They are what they are. I could keep living miserably, trying to change something that could not be, or I could focus on living a happier, healthier life.

Originally Posted by niafabo:
Then later when I went to go lay down to read I realized that when I lay down I can clearly feel the sides of my pelvic bones less then a quarter of an inch below my skin and I realized I'm probably not going to get much smaller side to side there either and I was swept with a deep wave of sadness.

I dont' know how to say this without appearing sexist so I'm just going to say it. I've had so many posts deleted I figure what's one more.:cool:

You're entitled to your feelings but I think you should be aware there are plenty of guys that prefer women with big hips. Not that you're loosing weight for the sake of men - I'm just sayin. :D

I am small bones but I just don't think that my skin will shrink enough to make me skinny when I reach my goal. I don't let it discourage me though

Originally Posted by runningfromfat:
Have you ever seen That 70's Show? Dona on there is big-boned (just look at how many jokes they make about her hand size) but I doubt anybody would say she is ugly. ;)

This!

I LOVE Laura Prepon (Donna) because she is big-boned (like me) and huge hands hahaha

I've done the frame test-- sorry I don't have a link right now, but I am off the charts for women for wrists and hands and am in the 'large' category everywhere else. Huge. It's ok. I will never be tiny. I have skis for feet. Oh well. My gut is still shrinking...:devil:

I can relate to this, too. I've been feeling down lately about my size. Can you imagine? :lol: I used to think it was impossible for me to lose as much as I have, but now I'm dissatisfied because I haven't lost enough. Still, I know what you mean. My mom has a very small frame. She wears a size 5 1/2 to 6 shoe. Then there's me. Same height, but chunky. Size 8 shoe, and much heavier than her. (She's all of 115 pounds). To add insult to injury, I've had to go clothes shopping recently. Nothing like that to make you start feeling down. I should be happy, but I just want more!

What I need is a good slap in the face! :lol: I'm not my mom! I'm me! And, we will all look fine. Really!

I have been thinking about this post all day... I read it this morning, as well as many of the responses, but I didn't have time to post my thoughts. I had to work and such....

But, the thing that strikes me about this is how complicated body image is and how difficult it is for women just to feel good about our bodies. I know that is probably a "duh" comment... but it's what I have been thinking about.

Over the past several days I have been thinking about posting on this website a thread about how I am realizing that I may not be big boned. It's something new that I have been struggling with, thinking through, and feeling bad about.

I have been more successful in this "chapter" of my weight loss journey than ever before. I am thinner than I have been in 7+ years, and I feel like my relationship with food is healthier than it has ever been.

Yet, I find that I am more critical of my body. Having grown up heavy, I had generally come to terms with the fact that I was meant to be a bigger person. The women in my family are fat, and for several years I have been telling myself that I can't fight genetics, that some people are born with challenging metabolisms, etc. This has been very comforting for me actually.

Now that I am losing weight, though, I am starting to think that I might be meant to be smaller. Even though I am much thinner than before, I can't see or feel my collar bones, hip bones, or wrist bones. I have small legs, not much of a butt, a proportionally small waist. For some reason, as I lose weight (this time) I feel like this is what is right. My bone structure is meant for a lighter weight..

And, for some reason, that makes me feel BAD. I feel like I should have figured this stuff out 2 decades ago... I wouldn't have needed to spend my teens and twenties as a fat person. All of the sudden, I am blaming myself instead of genetics.

So, blah, blah, blah... I don't want to whine any more than I already have. But, I have been so struck with no matter what our body type is, no matter what our struggle is, no matter how we were raised, when we started struggling with our weight, where we are in our weight loss journey, how much we weigh, there are so many ways that women feel bad about themselves...

I wish it were different for us...

Ya know, I'm older than most of you, (51)I had twin boys that weighed over 6 lbs each, I have big girls that have gone way south, like south of the equator.:D And I have enough stretch marks to circle the earth.

I am never going to be Cindy Crawford, I'm to dang short.

I have the shoulders and arms of a football player, and the thighs that jiggle, and amazingly NO BUTT, but you know what, I don't care, If I'm healthy and at a good weight, I feel hot. And my Dh loves every inch of me.

Most of us were not meant to be what we see in magazines, embrace your good, do what you can with the rest and love yourself. :hug:

Originally Posted by shcirerf:
Ya know, I'm older than most of you, (51)I had twin boys that weighed over 6 lbs each, I have big girls that have gone way south, like south of the equator.:D And I have enough stretch marks to circle the earth.

I am never going to be Cindy Crawford, I'm to dang short.

I have the shoulders and arms of a football player, and the thighs that jiggle, and amazingly NO BUTT, but you know what, I don't care, If I'm healthy and at a good weight, I feel hot. And my Dh loves every inch of me.

Most of us were not meant to be what we see in magazines, embrace your good, do what you can with the rest and love yourself. :hug:

Great post Janelle! I agree 100%. I too am older than many here. Will be 48 this year. I have 3 boys, all grown. My first child weighed 10 lbs. 2 ozs. The other 2 were only slightly smaller. They were all born in a country hospital and I didn't have anesthesia. No kidding. I am covered with stretch marks and loose skin and scars and other unattractive nonsense. BUT, hubby loves me and I love myself. (Most of the time). When I think back over my life, I am amazed by what my body has allowed me to do and how it's always been there waiting for me to be amazing.

It's time I paid it back by being a best friend to it and treating it with loving care and kindness. Corny or not, that's how I wish everyone felt.

Well, y'all are not that much older than me! I'm closing in on 40, and I've had 2 children myself, plus the stretch marks and c-section scars to prove it. I know what you are saying. My tummy is all flabby and it will never, ever go back to what it was. That's just fact, and I'm not upset about it. The thing is, I accepted my body as it was right after I had children. I didn't think I would ever be able to lose the weight I had gained. I tried and tried, but nothing I did worked. I went on diet after diet, and after several years of that, I gave up. I thought, "This is it. This is how it's going to be now. Get used to it." I had my babies, and I had my husband, who never said anything negative about my weight (thank goodness), and I more or less had everything I wanted out of life.

Then, all that changed when I realized I had pre-diabetes. It scared the life out of me! I saw my grandfather slowly die of diabetes, and I don't want that to happen to me. So, I did something about it. Now that I know I can lose weight, I want it to all be gone, yesterday. The more I lose, the more I want to lose, and the more I want to look and feel better. Greedy, I guess, but I've wanted this for so long that it just hurts.

So, anyway, I know what you are saying. I still have two amazing children and a very loving husband. Most of the time, I'm a very happy person. I know that this dissatisfaction is temporary. Eventually, my mind will re-learn to accept the way my body is now, and all will be well. I'm just not there yet. I don't see anything wrong with that.